Spinoff: Is explicit acknowledgement of exclusivity necessary?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Is it necessary to explicitly acknowledge & agree on exclusivity in a monogamous relationship?
    Yes : (162 votes)
    64 %
    No : (59 votes)
    23 %
    Maybe (explain) : (32 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    820 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @Pisces:  I think at some point there should be a discussion. People are looking for all different kinds of relationships… and unfortunately those don’t always match up with what their partner is looking for. However, if someone is OK with dating multiple people at the same time, I don’t see why they shouldn’t be honest about it from the start. I think the expectation should be on that person to tell their partner what they are doing, rather than on the person seeking a more traditional type of arrangement.

    Post # 4
    Member
    842 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @Pisces:  I definitely think that being exclusive needs to be discussed and agreed upon, not assumed. Yes, some people are into dating multiple people at a time and some aren’t, but the fact is, people DO have the right to do so when commitment hasn’t been agreed upon. If it hasn’t been discussed, monogamy is not an implied guarantee. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    11668 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Yes, I’m a firm believer in having an exclusivity conversation. Assumptions should never be made, they only come back to bite you in the ass.  It doesn’t have to be some big conversation and agreeing to be in a relationship for me, but before I sleep with someone I make sure we’re both on the same page and not dating/sleeping with other people.

    Post # 6
    Member
    8426 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I think if you expect something in a relationship, it should be discussed.  Doesn’t matter if it’s exclusitivity, kids, marriage, etc.  My rule is, if I can’t openly talk about it with that person, I don’t want to be with him.

    Post # 7
    Member
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @housebee:  +1. Gosh, I have to be faster so you don’t keep stealing the words out of my head.

    I absolutely believe that exclusivity should be discussed and not assumed. It would be easy to assume you are the only one when you are one of many. If a guy is hesitant about committment, then it is important for the gal to know that. I would never want to be with someone who I couldn’t have open communication with and whose expectations didn’t align to mine.

    Post # 8
    Member
    646 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I think if you’re just dating then it should probably be discussed. I think if you’ve agreed to be in a relationship then exclusivity is implied – and if you are someone who does not feel this is a requirement of a relationship then you should be the one to discuss that with your partner.

    Post # 9
    Member
    8426 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @MrsPanda99:  lol don’t worry I think the same thing when I see your posts.  Then all I can muster up is just a +1 🙂

    Post # 11
    Member
    502 posts
    Busy bee

    One of the key parts of a relationship is communication. So I see it as, how can you have a relationship if you haven’t communicated that fact to the other person? Everyone dates in totally different ways. Some are monogomous from the first date while others grow attachments but monogomy is harder to come by. You can never assume that someone is thinking the same way you are. That’s pretty much living in a land of wishful thinking and fantasy….oftentimes, I find, because the person knows if they bring it up, they actually will get rejected.

    Post # 12
    Member
    8593 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Yes, it should be discussed.

    Post # 13
    Member
    7285 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Yes. You don’t assume. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    7285 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    double.

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    998 posts
    Busy bee

    I voted maybe, but that doesn’t do my answer much justice. Actually, exclusivity should be discussed, especially in adult relationships. My “maybe” only came from my experiences with how high school relationships pretty much assume that the couple is exclusive as soon as they go on a date. Honestly, that set-up can work (it did for DBF and I; he was my boyfriend and I was his girlfriend as soon as he asked me to go out with him), but more often than not, I can see that assumption causing a lot of heartache.

    Relationships should require more communication than assuming, especially about something as important exclusivity. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    650 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    How many men have had the time of their lives when they’re with a girl that is afraid to seem “needy” and won’t have the talk with them?

    A lot of men will allude to the fact that they are in a relationship with you but will have all kinds of wiggle room if exclusivity is not discussed. 

    If you want to be in a real, honest-to-god, exclusive relationship then it must be discussed. 

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