Spinoff: Is Politics Ever Acceptable at Weddings?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3889 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It’s not appropriate.

Post # 5
Member
5421 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Rachel631:  For me, it depends.

For instance, every single one of our guests hates Thatcher with a passion. So, do I think it would be inappropriate to make reference to this? No, because it wouldn’t offend anyone, and everyone would have a good laugh and be in agreeance. If however all our guests were strong supporters of Thatcher, I can’t imagine it going down in quite the same way; and while I wouldn’t be worried about offending people necessarily (I think someone people are way too sensitive), I don’t particularly want tumble-weed blowing through the room accompanied by an awkward silence, either.

I also draw the line at any attempt to push your beliefs onto others. For this reason, I disagree with dry weddings just because the couple doesn’t like alcohol/believe you need alcohol at a social occasion, and similarly, I disagree with vegetarians only providing vegetarian food. I see that as forcing your personal beliefs onto your guests, and I massively dislike that. The same goes for something like a toast; you are essentially forcing your guests to partake in toasting someone or something that they may not agree with, and I don’t see that as acceptable. Using religion as an example, if I were asked to toast, say, some religious figure, I would refuse, and see it as appalling etiquette. On the same vein, I wouldn’t propose a toast to Dawkins lol. Similarly, while I will grudgingly attend a religious service, I would not partake in the hymns or the prayers, nor would I kneel at the designated times, and I would expect those around me to respect that, and not tell me to ‘join in’.

So basically, I see no particular issue with including your political views in your wedding provided that in doing so, you aren’t attempting to force others to do anything they don’t want to.

Post # 7
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yes, of course it is. Lots of couples bond over pet issues and I would never tell them not to include those deeply held convictions in a day celebrating who they are and how they came together to be married. From what I can tell MOST weddings are political to some extent… it’s just that they’re default mainstream, so nobody really notices or thinks about it. People only get up in arms when it’s outside whatever is currently considered the norm. 

FH and I will have a white knot table in support of marriage equality and wouldn’t have it any other way.

My cousin and her husband are super-environment vegans whose wedding reflected those beliefs. Locally sourced vegan food, biodegradable everything, etc. I’m not a vegan, in fact I think self-imposing food restrictions unnecessarily is quite silly, but the meal WAS delicious and I wouldn’t complain either way, because if you can’t tolerate something you disagree with for a short time, for the sake of someone you care about and to whom that (possibly political) thing is important, you shouldn’t be at that wedding at all. 

Post # 8
Member
5421 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Rachel631: I just don’t see why participation is necessary. I would not expect those friends we have who are religious to participate in, say, an anti-religious toast/song/etc; why should I then be expected to participate in something that makes me deeply uncomfortable?

I don’t make a big song and dance out of not participating; I simply keep silent. I am not prepared to participate in praying to a god I don’t believe in, I don’t feel that I should be expected to do so. If friends would rather I didn’t attend than attend and choose not to partake in things that I find offensive, then honestly, they’re no friend of mine TBH.

It’s funny how when it comes to religion, respect never seems to work both ways.

Post # 11
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think political statements should be left out of weddings. I do agree you should do what suits you but it’s not a gathering for debate or to offend others, it’s a joining of two people in love and should be focused on that and not politics

Post # 12
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

No.
Unless your wedding is just part of your marketing plan to run for political office in the Wedding Party (as opposed to the Green Party, etc.), or you have your wedding at a political convention. 😛

FI has a friend who has very strong political opinions, and I do not share them.
I don’t mind this, but he makes it a point to tell me that I’m wrong for not agreeing with him, not voting for who he voted for, or for just having a different point of view. He makes me feel both stupid (on purpose) and angry (probably still on purpose) at the same time when he talks now. It’s very hurtful to me, as I try so hard to be open and fair minded.
I can’t stand people like that.
His wedding is in a year and I’m sure he’ll bring up or incorporate topics that make me uncomfortable. I am so glad that my FI isn’t close enough to him to be in the wedding party!

As a guest, I don’t think that’s appropriate – you asked me to come support you, not come to your wedding so you can have fun insulting me.

Post # 13
Member
5421 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Rachel631: I would have no issue participating in songs with no religious content. I will not however participate in songs with religious content, where you are worshipping ‘god’, etc. Likewise, I cannot participate in prayers and feel that doing so would be hypocritical, given I don’t believe in any god. I also don’t feel I should be made to feel like I have to do so by the hosts.

The whole not-attending thing is interesting: I would prefer not to attend, in all honesty, as I dislike everything about organised religion and as such, dislike setting foot in an establishment like a church. However, my friends and family would be offended if I didn’t attend, and other guests would comment; so it becomes a catch-22. I also suspect that my non-attendance would be seen as much more of a ‘statement’ than my not participating in certain aspects of the service, so again it’s a lose-lose situation for me. I either go, and participate, and hate myself for it, and come across as a huge hypocrite; I go, and donm’t participate in those parts that I don’t agree with, and I get side-eyed; I chose NOT to go, and I get bitched about for making a ‘stand’ and not attending.

My issue is that if the shoe were on the other foot, it is unlikely that a religious person would be met with such flack for choosing not to attend or participate in a non-religious service (OH’s grandmother is not attending our service due to her very strong beliefs, and we have respected that as being her choice, and would rather she makes the choice that she is most comfortable with). I wonder why this is, and find it hypocritical.

Post # 14
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

 

No, unless the so-called political statement is the wedding itself:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/miss-manners-attend-sons-wedding-reception-to-signal-you-support-him/2013/03/26/a6aac34a-925c-11e2-bdea-e32ad90da239_story.html

“GENTLE READER: You are quite right that the only proper “theme” of a wedding reception is a celebration of the marriage that has just taken place. Considering it an opportunity to enlist guests in a Save the Mosquitoes drive is, indeed, tasteless.

However, refusal to attend your own child’s wedding festivities is such a serious public statement, with long-lasting consequences, that Miss Manners supposes you must be violently opposed to his cause.

Is it possible that you only mean to say that your son is marrying a gentleman? In that case, we call it a wedding, not a politically themed rally. Your presence would not constitute a vote for same-sex marriage, but your absence would be an extreme rejection of your son.”

Post # 16
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

There is a big difference between showing respect and hypocrisy.

I’ve attended many different religious wedding ceremonies.  You show respect for the beliefs  and traditions of others.  That might mean taking off your shoes, wearing a head covering, standing or bowing one’s head in respect.  It is NOT rude to stand silently or not sing hymns that are contrary to one’s own faith and no one should feel slighted or offended by that.

 

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