Post # 1
So I just read the thread about joint vs. separate expenses and it really got me thinking; there are obviously lots of opinions and ways to manage money in a committed relationship. Many posters were advocating joint accounts, either completely or in combination with a separate individual account for each person. Some were advocating for fully joint money, regardless of who makes more, etc.
Here’s my question: how do people’s opinions/advice change if one of the partners has severe financial issues that don’t pertain to the other partner? ie. the other partner had no knowledge or role to play in create the issue. Hypothetically, say what if one spouse (the lower earning spouse) was in a lot of debt or was considering proposal or bankruptcy? Do you think joint expenses would then cause resentment in the higher earning spouse, such that they are now “being punished” for actions they weren’t involved in, or that they now have less disposable income when they make more. Also, how does the higher earning spouse put their trust and faith in the other person when obviously they have made some financial errors in the past and are still working hard to change/rebuild?
Just curious. Money is really the only thing that causes my relationship any strife and we’re still struggling to find ways that work for both of us. It’s super interesting to me to see what others think about managing money successfully in a relationship.
Post # 2
Well if they married them, it becomes their issue as well. Of course I’d put everything together, but idk if I would marry someone who isn’t financially responisible. If you marry them you better trust and have faith in them in all aspects or why would you marry them? That is a very important issue.
Post # 3
cdncinnamongirl: In that situation I would think that the two should sit down with a credit counsellor to figure out exactly what would happen to the more wealthy spouse’s assets in the case of bankruptcy or proposal. The counsellor could also help them figure out a money philosophy and budget to help them be on good footing in the future.
Push comes to shove, you should have each other’s backs… though in the case of bankruptcy due to spending money on wants rather than needs you could argue that the bankrupt spouse didn’t have their spouse’s back when they spent that money.
I think that marriages and relationships work the way they should when they bring out the best in each person for each other. Ideally, the ‘richer’ spouse should be okay with spending their money in a way that is best for both of them, because having a happy healthy loving spouse is more important than a big bank account balance. The ‘poorer’ spouse should also put their spouse’s happiness and wellbeing and the health of their relationship first.
If both partners put the other one’s happiness and wellbeing first, everyone has someone who puts them number one.
Post # 4
cdncinnamongirl: I’ve always thought of it as “what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours” once youre married.
My husband had some debt when we got married and we worked on it togther. I think for a partnership to work you have to be all in even if it sucks for a while. My friend didn’t want to combine bank accounts with her fiancé because he pays child support and she said it wasn’t her responsibility. but those will be her step kids so they will be.
Post # 5
I think the point that’s missed in the other thread is that its not whether or not money is shared. It’s about being on the same page financially. Having similar spending/saving habits, having an agreed upon plan for the future, and what ever the setup is, having both partners in agreeance and happy with it.
Enetering a marriage or even in an existing one where one partner needs to be bailed out, to me signals a fundamental difference in responsibilty. Personally, I wouldn’t be marrying someone who couldn’t manage their debt or needed my help in paying off anything not medical/education related.
Post # 6
I’m in Australia so our student debt is much different it come out of our income when we earn over 60k(I think) a year. We have no credit cards or loans (besides from family which happened after we got the joint accounts) because being 20 we want tl avoid debt. In saying that if FI did have debt (so long as he wasn’t a gambler or had ridiculous spending habits) I would still have the joint accounts and work on the debt together.