SPINOFF: "letting yourself go" in a relationship.

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Have you let yourself go in your current relationship?
    Yes, and it has impacted my relationship : (27 votes)
    9 %
    Yes, but it hasn't impacted my relationship : (103 votes)
    34 %
    No, I would never do that : (151 votes)
    50 %
    Yes, in a past relationship and it did impact the relationship : (21 votes)
    7 %
    Yes, in a part relationship but it did not impact the relationship : (3 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    1167 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @MrsPanda99:  I said yes but then read your post.

    Ive put on weight, but it was partly due to a terrible job situation (bawled my eyes out every night) and an Implanon in my arm which I am sneakily suspicious of hahaha.

    I put my jammies on when I get home, throw my hair up and such, but I always have. I still doll up when I have a need to, but I never wore makeup when we first met unless it was for a specific reason either.

    I think the only thing I don’t do is shave my legs every time I see him, cause that shit gets annoying if you’re doing it every day not once a week!

    So… yes to weight gain, no to not looking after myself.

    Post # 4
    896 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    @MrsPanda99:  I cannot choose any of the options because no, i have not let myself go, but I do not want to say that I would never do that.  I look far from polished when I am at home on the weekends, but I wear makeup everyday to go to work, and any time we go somewhere, even if it is just the supermarket.  I wear clean clothes, and I am not overweight.  I wear perfume, shower everyday, etc.  I gained 25 lbs when I was in law school (my first two years), but even though I gained that weight, I did not look a lot different than I did before gaining the weight, and I still took care of myself by looking presentable, etc.  I did lose all 25 lbs in 3 monhts during my last year of school and have not gained the weight back.  I think that if I were to gain 25-30 lbs again it would not affect my relationship, but I do think my husband would be mildly unhappy if I were to gain a lot more than that and looked very different from what I look like now.  I do not think he would divorce me, but I think he would change our diet so that be BOTH eat better and I lose the weight (he does not really gain weight). 

    Post # 6
    3777 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    Yes, I gained weight while I dated DH and now I am making efforts to lose it. It never impacted our relationship, but he’s loving the weight loss that’s happening now because it’s making me happy.

    I never stopped taking care of my appearance, though.

    Post # 7
    6951 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @MrsPanda99:  well I used to wear make up every day that I saw SO. Even when we started living together- I’d get up and first thing would shower, do my hair & makeup. Now unless we are going OUT (as in more than just a cheap dinner or coffee but like DATE NIGHT) I rarely put on makeup and usually just tie my hair up. SO couldn’t care less. The other afternoon I looked in the mirror and had a HUGE zit on my forehead that I knew must have been there when SO came home for lunch. I asked why he didn’t tell me and he said he didn’t notice. You didn’t notice a volcano erupting on my face? That’s love. 

    Post # 8
    6449 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I let my weight go a bit. I gained about 20 pounds while we were dating. I’ve lost all of that plus some though so I weigh less than when we met. Beyond that I don’t believe I let myself go. I never wore makeup or dressed up much to begin with so DH entered into this relationship knowing exactly how I am about “girly things” (not good at all about them). Honestly I think I’ve actually improved a bit since we started dating. I’m more fit, I actually style my hair and I dress up a little bit more (due to my work dress code). We’ve only been together for four years total though so there is plenty of time to let myself go.

    I’m interested in hearing from some of the older bees!

    DH has not let himself go yet, however, once his metabolism slows down he will probably gain a lot of weight unless he changes his habits!

    Post # 10
    1167 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @MrsPanda99:  Haha I can’t even… That poll is making my head hurt hahaha.


    @littlemisst08:  +1 I gained lots of weight but Im trying to lose it, FI actually proposed at the very peak of my weight, after me going from an AU 12 when he met me to a 20 when he popped the Q! He’s so supportive 🙂

    Post # 11
    1327 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    FI and I have both gained weight since moving in together, but not because we don’t care.  It was a big lifestyle change from living alone.  Single me would grab some cereal or whatever was in the fridge for dinner.  Together we like to cook big meals or go out to eat.  Beofre if I had free time I might work out.  But we like to spend time together so when we’re both home we’ll hang out and watch netflix or go out and do something.  We once tried to go running together but we have very different workout styles (example he likes a short but hard run, I’m the slow and steady type).

    We are both at least aware of this and are taking steps to change our habits.  We both like to look nice when we go out, appreciate nice clothes, etc.  So I can’t imagine either of us really letting ourselves go.  I don’t make an effort to look nice for FI, I look nice because it makes me feel good. 

    Post # 12
    3833 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I did gain weight, but the only connection that has to my relationship is that we go out to eat more than I would if I were single. I do try to take care of myself, though, and I probably dress a lot nicer than I did when we started dating in high school. So yes and no?

    DH has also gained a little weight, but he shaves daily now, which is an improvement over when we started dating! 

    Neither has affected our relationship, though I think my self-esteem has dropped a little with my weight gain. 

    Post # 13
    6951 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    The downside is that he often doesn’t notice when I get really dolled up either. It’s like he looks at me and regardless of what I’m wearing just sees the woman he loves. It’s sweet but it’d be nice to get some recognition when I put a lot of effort in. 

    Post # 14
    2355 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I still wear makeup and like to look nice when we go out, but after 7 years, we’ve seen each other in all kinds of unnattractive situations. Neither of us cares. SO and I have both gained weight. I voted yes, no impact.

    Post # 15
    4367 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I wish this topic wasn’t always directed at the female in the relationship, and I will leave it at that.

    Post # 16
    3948 posts
    Honey bee

    I have gained weight, which I am currently trying hard to lose.


    I will admit I dont dress up as much as I used to, but we also don’t go out like we used to. The first year or two of dating we were constantly going out for dinners and into the city, and now our weekends consist of working on the house or watching a movie on the couch. Which I love! But doesn’t really allow me to get dressed fancy.


    I do put in the effort when I can. I have to dress up for work Monday-Friday which surprisngly takes a lot of work!

    My husband hasnt changed a bit. He actually dresses up a little more because of his job, but thats about it.

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