SPINOFF My bff keeps stealing everyone's moment. Long vent

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

The weird thing is, why isn’t she posting the news over Facebook if she so deliberately wants the attention ? That’s annoying. But I have to say, for your own FB status and engagement, a first date anniversary is cute okay, but it doesn’t compare to getting engaged. She could not have possibly stolen that moment from you and your common friends. 😉

Post # 4
Member
3557 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@shortie1848:  Is it at all possible that she is seriously socially naive? If she is you and your friends need to sit her down and explain how she’s breaching etiquette. If she knows better and she’s still doing it…I just don’t know what the appropriate response would be.

Post # 5
Member
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

I had a “friend” like that who reacted in a similar way to my engagement annoucement. And so did her husband (yes, she’s married, and they were still upset about the spotlight being off of them). You know it’s not coincidence when you know the person. These two post nothing but brags, brags, brags. Apparently someone else getting engaged is a trigger moment (of many, I’m sure) to lay on the brags.

Come to think of it, they posted wedding anniversary pics right after a mutual friend posted wedding photos, as well. (What are wedding anniversary pics, you might ask? Why, more pictures from their wedding, of course…the “B” shots. But posted on – or near? – their anniversary, with proclamations of their undying love for each other on this incredible one year celebration of their union.)

I don’t really consider this person a friend, more like a work aquaintance. She’s too self-absorbed to be a friend to anyone. I suggest you also distance yourself from your so-called BFF. Sounds like her BFF is herself.

(BTW, when they did that, it made FI and me laugh! It was so “them.” I hope you two can also see the lighthearted side of the situation, though it may be harder if you really do consider this person a friend.)

Post # 6
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

@shortie1848:  I’m a bit confused….? How is posting about the anniversary of her first date with her husband trying to steal your ‘spotlight’? I don’t see the connection with that one. She also probably told you about her pregnancy after you asked her to be your MoH because she wanted you to be aware. Aside from announcing her pregnancy at someone else’s shower, I really don’t see any major ‘spotlight stealing’. And I really doubt she would fake having complications just because she was trying to get the attention away from another friend who had just given birth. As someone who’s gone through three miscarriages, I just can’t see someone chancing the unnecessary poking and prodding by a doctor just for attention. 

You both are going through exciting times in your life which are going to be the center of *your* world. Be excited and support each other instead of seeing it as competition or ‘thunder stealing’. Congrats on your engagement! 🙂

Post # 7
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Why are you friends with this person?

Post # 8
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t understand how her posting about her anniversary on Facebook takes away from your engagment announcement. Also, she probably told you about her pregnancy when you asked her to be your MOH so you would be aware that she’s pregnant and that might make things more complicated for her in your wedding party.

Post # 9
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

recently my friend was out of town for her birthday. first time i saw her after that was at another’s friend’s going away party. i had a bouquet of flowers for my friend’s bday, and hid them in the car and gave them to her in the parking lot to not interfere with it being a day for the other friend. i asked bday girl if that was weird and she was like no way that was the right thing to do.

some people are sensitive to that sort of thing. others are not. some people intentionally get spurred to put their own attention getting moments out there when others have theirs. it’s hard to tell the 2nd group from the 3rd sometimes.

Post # 10
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

@shortie1848:  think about this, she knows shes pregnant and then you announce you’re engaged, couldn’t she be taking it the same way you are and feeling like you are stealing her moment as well? What if she was excited about announcing it to you and then you call and say you are engaged, that’s just as awkward. posting about an anniversary is hardly stealing the spotlight of someone else getting engaged, by the way, and maybe you’re engagement made her realize what day it was for her own relationship.

 I’ll never understand this whole “stealing thunder” thing. Real friends don’t compare themselves to one another… well I don’t at least. It’s an exciting time for you both and you both have a right to shout your good news to the rooftops when and where you please. I can’t imagine being so fixated on wanting the attention on me so badly that I would be annoyed at hearing that my friend is expecting a baby, I don’t care when she announced it.

 

 

Post # 11
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

@cmbr:  good point about her being pregnant and being in the bridal party. didn’t even think of that part!

Post # 12
Member
6504 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@cmbr:  +1

My reaction to most of these scenarios was shrug. Who cares if she posted about her anniversary? Was she really supposed to wait until the next day just because you happened to get engaged that day? Also, I would have been ecstatic to hear my BFF was pregnant and I would be happy that she felt comfortable telling me so early.

I have never felt as though a friend is stealing my thunder because when something good happens to them I’m happy about it!

Post # 14
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

@MrsBeck:  this is like the 4th thread that I have seen you comment and been like “yep yep yep” …. We are on the same page lately lol

Post # 15
Member
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

@shortie1848:  Like I said, when you know the person, you know it’s not coincidence. You can predict it at every important moment of everyone else’s lives, like clockwork. I have to assume that the posters that don’t understand this have never had the “pleasure” of knowing such a person.

It’s a “pleasure” you could stand to do without, right? I get the feeling you want to change her, make her into a better friend, but I’m not sure that’s possible. I think it would be better to find friends that are more on your wavelength, and phase her out.

Post # 16
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Why are you friends with this person? And even more importantly, why on earth would you ask her to be your MOH? She sounds awful!

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