Post # 1
My best friend since grade school is very self absorbed. Lately, things seem to be getting worse. I haven’t confronted her about anything. I am a very non-confrontational person, but our close mutual friends feel the way I do. I’m not even sure confronting her is the answer. I think I may just need to vent.
Monday September 23, I got engaged. I waited until I spoke with my closest friends and family to post my news on Facebook. One hour after I posted on Facebook, she posted “this is the anniversary of my first date with DH. I didn’t think he’d call me back, but I’m glad he did.” Coincidence, maybe. But we have about 200 mutual friends.
Thursday September 26 was the first day I saw BFF since being engaged. I smiled, we hugged, I asked her to be my MOH. I barely got the words out when she told me she was four weeks pregnant with her second child. Why would she tell me after only four weeks if she didn’t want all the attention on her?
Monday October 14, our mutual good friend gave birth to her first child. By noon my BFF was calling off work and heading to her doc because she was convinced she was having a miscarriage. Everything turned out fine.
Tuesday October 15, BFF went to the hospital to visit our mutual friend and meet the new baby. She also announced she was pregnant in the hospital room.
BFF announced she was pregnant with her first child at a second mutual friend’s wedding shower.
What am I to do? How should I deal with someone like this? There is no reason for me to be mean to her. She is actually a very nice person who just happens to be self centered.
Post # 3
The weird thing is, why isn’t she posting the news over Facebook if she so deliberately wants the attention ? That’s annoying. But I have to say, for your own FB status and engagement, a first date anniversary is cute okay, but it doesn’t compare to getting engaged. She could not have possibly stolen that moment from you and your common friends. 😉
Post # 4
@shortie1848: Is it at all possible that she is seriously socially naive? If she is you and your friends need to sit her down and explain how she’s breaching etiquette. If she knows better and she’s still doing it…I just don’t know what the appropriate response would be.
Post # 5
I had a “friend” like that who reacted in a similar way to my engagement annoucement. And so did her husband (yes, she’s married, and they were still upset about the spotlight being off of them). You know it’s not coincidence when you know the person. These two post nothing but brags, brags, brags. Apparently someone else getting engaged is a trigger moment (of many, I’m sure) to lay on the brags.
Come to think of it, they posted wedding anniversary pics right after a mutual friend posted wedding photos, as well. (What are wedding anniversary pics, you might ask? Why, more pictures from their wedding, of course…the “B” shots. But posted on – or near? – their anniversary, with proclamations of their undying love for each other on this incredible one year celebration of their union.)
I don’t really consider this person a friend, more like a work aquaintance. She’s too self-absorbed to be a friend to anyone. I suggest you also distance yourself from your so-called BFF. Sounds like her BFF is herself.
(BTW, when they did that, it made FI and me laugh! It was so “them.” I hope you two can also see the lighthearted side of the situation, though it may be harder if you really do consider this person a friend.)
Post # 6
@shortie1848: I’m a bit confused….? How is posting about the anniversary of her first date with her husband trying to steal your ‘spotlight’? I don’t see the connection with that one. She also probably told you about her pregnancy after you asked her to be your MoH because she wanted you to be aware. Aside from announcing her pregnancy at someone else’s shower, I really don’t see any major ‘spotlight stealing’. And I really doubt she would fake having complications just because she was trying to get the attention away from another friend who had just given birth. As someone who’s gone through three miscarriages, I just can’t see someone chancing the unnecessary poking and prodding by a doctor just for attention.
You both are going through exciting times in your life which are going to be the center of *your* world. Be excited and support each other instead of seeing it as competition or ‘thunder stealing’. Congrats on your engagement! 🙂
Post # 7
Why are you friends with this person?
Post # 8
I don’t understand how her posting about her anniversary on Facebook takes away from your engagment announcement. Also, she probably told you about her pregnancy when you asked her to be your MOH so you would be aware that she’s pregnant and that might make things more complicated for her in your wedding party.
Post # 9
recently my friend was out of town for her birthday. first time i saw her after that was at another’s friend’s going away party. i had a bouquet of flowers for my friend’s bday, and hid them in the car and gave them to her in the parking lot to not interfere with it being a day for the other friend. i asked bday girl if that was weird and she was like no way that was the right thing to do.
some people are sensitive to that sort of thing. others are not. some people intentionally get spurred to put their own attention getting moments out there when others have theirs. it’s hard to tell the 2nd group from the 3rd sometimes.
Post # 10
@shortie1848: think about this, she knows shes pregnant and then you announce you’re engaged, couldn’t she be taking it the same way you are and feeling like you are stealing her moment as well? What if she was excited about announcing it to you and then you call and say you are engaged, that’s just as awkward. posting about an anniversary is hardly stealing the spotlight of someone else getting engaged, by the way, and maybe you’re engagement made her realize what day it was for her own relationship.
I’ll never understand this whole “stealing thunder” thing. Real friends don’t compare themselves to one another… well I don’t at least. It’s an exciting time for you both and you both have a right to shout your good news to the rooftops when and where you please. I can’t imagine being so fixated on wanting the attention on me so badly that I would be annoyed at hearing that my friend is expecting a baby, I don’t care when she announced it.
Post # 11
@cmbr: good point about her being pregnant and being in the bridal party. didn’t even think of that part!
Post # 12
My reaction to most of these scenarios was shrug. Who cares if she posted about her anniversary? Was she really supposed to wait until the next day just because you happened to get engaged that day? Also, I would have been ecstatic to hear my BFF was pregnant and I would be happy that she felt comfortable telling me so early.
I have never felt as though a friend is stealing my thunder because when something good happens to them I’m happy about it!
Post # 13
These examples are just within the past three weeks, with the exception of the announcement of her first pregnancy. I put that in my post because of the way she announced her second.
I think her concerns about pregnancy complications are mostly mental. She is an admitted hypochondriac. Her doctor left early that day but said she could wait four days for her scheduled appointment, but she had an ultrasound done anyhow. I truly believe the catalyst was the birth of our friend’s child.
The first date announcement on FB was posted at 10:00 at night. Had she posted earlier in the day, I would have chalked it up to coincidence.
Post # 14
@MrsBeck: this is like the 4th thread that I have seen you comment and been like “yep yep yep” …. We are on the same page lately lol
Post # 15
@shortie1848: Like I said, when you know the person, you know it’s not coincidence. You can predict it at every important moment of everyone else’s lives, like clockwork. I have to assume that the posters that don’t understand this have never had the “pleasure” of knowing such a person.
It’s a “pleasure” you could stand to do without, right? I get the feeling you want to change her, make her into a better friend, but I’m not sure that’s possible. I think it would be better to find friends that are more on your wavelength, and phase her out.
Post # 16
Why are you friends with this person? And even more importantly, why on earth would you ask her to be your MOH? She sounds awful!