Spinoff-No Thank You Cards-Rude?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Did you send Thank You Cards?
    Yes : (124 votes)
    98 %
    No : (2 votes)
    2 %
    Other-Explain : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1197 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @veryberry13:  I’d say that is pretty rude of them!  how long has it been since the wedding?  maybe you can casually ask her around Xmas whether they’ve gotten around to sending out Thank You cards.  hopefully its just taking them a long time, and you’ll get yours soon.

    Post # 4
    Hostess
    22135 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2011

    You could always ask the couple if they received your gift (especially because you had it sent and didn’t deliver it yourself at the reception). But there’s really no way here to ask anything without it seeming a little bit like a guilt trip for the bride, even if you don’t mean for it to!

    I absolutely think you should receive a thank you for your gift and for traveling to the wedding. But I know that for some people, thank you cards are not prioritized as they maybe should be.

    I try not to dwell on whether I’ve gotten a thank you card, although that’s obviously easier said than done. I just tell myself that I give gifts because I care about my friends and family, thank you or not. 🙂 Plus I also just know how hectic life as a newlywed can be and I totally understand how thank you cards can get away from some brides!

    Post # 5
    Member
    1867 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I never received a thank you card from my brother’s wedding in 2007 (for a particularly big gift…). He’s now getting a divorce so I’m not holding my breath on that one 😉

    I sent thank you cards within two weeks of the wedding because to me it’s just what you do when you receive a gift. I wouldn’t ask someone why I didn’t get a card though – there’s no point in addressing it.

    Post # 6
    Member
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @veryberry13:  You absolutely should have received a thank you card.  As far as bringing it up, you’re probably not going to get the response you want and sending a thank you card by this point would be disingenuous.  I would let it go but probably be less generous in the future with my gifts to that person.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3570 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    How long ago was the wedding?

    Post # 8
    Member
    1254 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @veryberry13:  I agree, it was kind of rude of them not to give you a thank you card! I wouldn’t bring it up, though. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    6510 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I don’t think you should ask other people if you should be offended. Either you are or you aren’t. 

    Do I find it rude? Yes, absolutely. I find it rude not to receive a thank you for a gift. How long ago was the wedding? I would just ask if they received the gift since you sent it.

    Post # 10
    Member
    752 posts
    Busy bee

    @veryberry13:  Absolutely rude to not send a thank-you.  In pretty much any case – if someone comes to your wedding and/or sends a card, they should get a thank you.  That’s basic etiquette, and I don’t mean stuffy Emily Post-esque last century etiquette.   

    However if the person got really drunk, was an asshole, etc, etc….I could at least understand why they wouldn’t get one!  

    Sounds like that wouldn’t apply to you though, esp since you had to fly…although if it was me I wouldn’t bring it up over the holidays – nothing good can come of that sort of conversation and will only make people feel awkward IMO.  

    Post # 12
    Member
    8917 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    Yes, rude.

    Although, some people think they have months and months to send them.  (There was that thread recently where the OP was offended that someone mentioned to her that she hadn’t sent thank yous… for her wedding in JUNE…)  

    I wouldn’t get on their case, but you could broach the subject politely: “Just wanted to make sure our gift didn’t get lost in the mail / hustle and bustle / etc?”

    Post # 13
    Member
    118 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I will be, but I’m feeling guilty about how delayed they are!  We got married at the end of August and Thank You cards were part of our photography package.  We didn’t end up receiving these till 6 weeks after the wedding (~4 weeks to get photos, then we had to choose the pic for the photographer to order the cards and go and collect them).  We’re going away on our delayed honeymoon on Thursday and the last couple of weeks has been sorting out gear for this (we’re trekking in the himalayas for part of it), and the Thank You cards just haven’t been written despite me wanting them in the post before we went away.  With the best will in the world sometimes life encroaches and you can’t fit everything in.  Maybe this is the case with your brother-in-law? 

    Everyone I know who’s got married recently has commented about how they were looking forward to relaxing after their wedding, but has instead found that all the things that got put on the back-burner while wedding planning suddenly come crashing down!  If it’s been less than 6 months I’d wait a bit longer, I know of one couple who got married in May who are definitely sending Thank Yous, but haven’t quite managed to yet.  I think ettiquette-wise it’s acceptable to send Thank You cards up to a year after the event.  You might find you get a Christmas card and Thank You card together to save on postage 😉

    Post # 14
    Member
    1018 posts
    Bumble bee

    @veryberry13:  I had started a similar poll on whether or not you would bring it up to the bride or groom if you didn’t receive a thank you card. While some bees don’t think much of it, the general consensus was it is rude not to send one, but also rude to point it out.

    Some say if you’re inquiring about the receipt of the gift that should be ok, but I’m a little timid for even that.

    Maybe if you don’t get one by the holidays you can just casually bring up their wedding (how much fun it was, how they’re “adjusting” to married life etc)… who knows maybe something major is going on that you aren’t aware of.

    Post # 15
    Member
    3570 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I went to two weddings in July and I have not received the thank you cards yet.  But I am sure they are coming. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    7654 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @veryberry13:  Typically they have 6 months to a year to get a thank you out (althought I think that etiquette piece is a bunch of shit), but they should absolutely have sent a thank you. I wouldn’t approach them asking about the specific thank you because you may or may not get the response you are looking for, but I would ask if they received your gift so you know they got it.

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