Post # 1
When someone speaks of the roles of a husband and wife in a traditional way? If so, why? Earlier in a post, some bees expressed offense to talking about wives and husbands and their respective roles in a marriage.
I tend to be very traditional, but I know several couples who fall outside that category and it works very well for them.
Post # 3
I don’t get offended it just seems super old-fashioned to me. I definitely don’t feel any pressure to live up to their traditional viewpoint (which I think is where a lot of the snark stems from).
Post # 4
do you mean tradtional as a man and ‘his’ wife. i think it is completely the couples choice and noone should judge the type of wife role you chose to take. me and fi are quite the opposite, 50-50 here both work, both share all housework, cooking and bills.
Post # 6
I definitely agree to each their own, I just also know that we have to tread carefully here on the bee when we talk about it.
Post # 7
I don’t at all, which makes me think that I should? Just so I’m a little more sensitive?
I had a really interesting outlook growing up. My grandma was always a stay at home mom (with staff… it was a different time) for my mom and aunts/uncle. When the family came to the states (before my parents married), everyone went to/finished college and started careers. My parents needed to be a double income family, so instead of daycare, I went to grandmas. My grandparents had a VERY traditional household set up. My grandma did ALL the cooking and cleaning and laundy, and my grandpa did ALL the “outdoor” chores.
My parents, on the other hand, split inside and outside chores evenly, and when I got onld enough, I got thrown into the mix.
I guess I’m not offended because I can see the positives to both ways. I really love and admire my grandmother, so I think it’s a compliment to be compared to her as a “traditional wife”. Likewise, I love and admire my mother, and also think it’s a compliment when I get called a “modern woman”.
But that just me…
Post # 8
Very little I see on these boards offends me. I realize that we come from all types of different backgrounds and have differing opinions.
I don’t think there’s much debate that there are traditional male and female roles in a marriage. The question is whether a couple does or even “should” follow them. My opinion is that each couple should go with what works for them and it’s really no one else’s business.
As for us, I tease my husband all the time that he is a far better “wife” than I am…and he agrees!
Post # 9
It doesnt offend me at all because every relationship is different. Right now, Darling Husband and I are the farthest thing from “traditional roles.” I work full-time and bring home 99% of the income. He’s in school and was unemployed for a year before that. Typically, he does the cleaning and I cook. It’s what works for us. Now, if we ever have kids and I can be a Stay-At-Home Mom, he’ll be the main bread winner and I’ll be the one at home taking care of the kiddos, cleaning/cooking etc. A total role reversal from what’s going on now.
Post # 10
@JeffsWifey: I don’t necessarily get offended, just surprised.
For example, my best friend and I were recently talking about yardwork. I mentioned something about me cutting the grass and she stopped and said “He (my fiance) lets you cut the grass!!!???”. Ummm no. He does not LET me do anything because its not 1950.
Post # 11
It depends. I’m not offended by a couple that chooses to keep traditional roles in their family. That’s not for me, but to each their own. It’s unfortunate not everyone can do as they like because of financial or societal pressures. At my college reunion, one classmate was apologetic when asked what she does, and she responded she stays home with the kids.
I am offended by the notion that all couples should maintain traditional roles (as in the post) or that one party, such as the woman, should do it all (as in the post – the woman would be superwife and work, earning lots of money if you read carefully).
Post # 12
Well, in my family there is a great proporiton of “stay at home dads” and my dad can out cook and clean my mom by a long shot. Fiance and I are a little more traditional in our roles around the house but someday when we have children it will be Fiance who will stay home because my job will make more money than his.
I’m actually more offended by people who assume because you tend to follow more traditional gender roles you must be uneducated or something horrible when maybe you just like to cook and clean. There is a lot to say for other peoples culture and traditions and one should respect however it works for them.
Post # 13
I think there is a judgement factor involved when talking traditional roles. There is definitely some guilt involved if you don;t feel that you are living up to your own standards let alone what someone else thinks they should be.
There are some who feel that it is outdated and others who strive to live that way. We all live different lives and I think sometimes people fail to take that into account. Some women are viewed as lazy if htey only clean once a week and others are neat freaks if they clean daily. As long as you are judging someone by your own standards then no one wins.
Post # 14
Everyone has grown up with different ideas of what is normal and everyone else should respect that we arent all the same. I’m old fashioned in some ways such as I didnt want to live with a man until I was married, and also didnt want to have babies before marriage. However I’m also modern minded in some ways such as I dont really see the big deal about e-rings and a guy having to spend a large amount on them. In my home things arent too traditional I cook the most but he does the dishes more than I do and we both clean together. It works for us.
Post # 15
I only get ‘offended’ (more just pissy about it) when it’s assumed that it HAS to be that way or you are wrong or bad for not doing it that way. It’s completely up to the couple, but when I feel that someone is criticizing another couples’ choices, that is going to get a less than nice response.
Post # 16
I’m not offended if someone says they prefer traditional husband/wife roles. To each their own. I don’t particularly like it when people generalize it, as in “wife skills” or “wifely duties”. Maybe, those words means something completely different to me and others.
But I think it’s offensive when someone implies that wives who don’t keep the house spotless, don’t cook gourmet meals every day, don’t expect their husband to do his share, and aren’t dolled up and looking sexy 24/7 are bad wives. Apart from being completely unrealistic, this is also very judgmental.