Post # 1
I’ve read a few threads about wanting cash as a wedding gift, and there’s been a bit of debate about whether putting poems in the invitation stating that cash is the preferred gift. I’m curious to see what the general opinion amongst those bees it’s regarding them. For those bees that have used them in their invitation, can you give us the poem and tell us how it was received. Did anyone get offended? For those who are anti using poems on the invitation, is using them on a wedding website ok?
Personally while I would prefer cash, I’m not a fan of the poems – partly because it feels a bit demanding to put anything about gifts in an invitation, but mainly because the ones I’ve seen just aren’t very well written. But I wouldn’t refuse to go to a wedding because of a poem (though my opinion of the couple might suffer).
Post # 3
Brides and Grooms can put in a cute poem if they want, it’s their choice for their wedding, however in saying that it makes it easier to know what they want – I know that if theres a card they want money, if theres not, they’re not fussed.
Post # 4
I find any mention of gifts in wedding invitations to be in bad form. Those poems are beyond tacky. I don’t find them cute or clever.
While I probably wouldn’t decline an invite solely based on the inclusion of a poem or mention of a registry (don’t even get me started on honeymoon registries), I’d seriously, by privately, side eye the couple for including it.
ETA I see that the OP is from Australia. I don’t mean to offend those whose cultures don’t frown upon the mentioning of gifts in invitations. I’ve learned from the Bee that American traditions are often very different from those in other parts of the world.
Post # 5
i don’t like the poems, i think if you don’t include registery info people will just presume you want cash. Maybe a few years ago when it wasn’t common to give cash but people are pretty used to it now.
Post # 6
In saying all this though, it is the wedding invitation companies who offer these extra little cards with the poem, and are probably talking the couple into thinking that it is necessary.
Post # 7
All of the poems I’ve seen have been horribly, horribly written. I think using one of these poems anywhere would be pretty risky. I’ve felt secondhand embarrassment when reading a few of them; I don’t think anyone wants a guest to feel that about their wedding before they’re even AT the wedding.
If I were going for cash gifts, I would either (A) use my parents, BMs, and siblings to spread the word, or (B) be straightforward type out a short blurb about it on the website.
TL;DR Unless you are or you know someone who has a Shakespearean flair for the written word, I would not use a poem in any form.
Post # 8
Emily Post says it’s tacky. But, I don’t agree. It’s your day and hopefully you are inviting people that are close enough to you not to judge you, be mean to you, talk about your behind your back. If so, ask for what you want or don’t include any registry info and most people will get the hint.
Post # 9
@MrsPaulsBabyBallerina: Irish living in Australia actually. I’ve only been to one wedding (in Ireland, not oz) so admittedly I’m not very familiar with what’s culturally acceptable in either country. I just know that those poems make me uncomfortable.
Post # 10
It’s a common thing among the people I know, but I won’t do it. It’s my personal opinion that any mention of gifts is rude, rude, rude. I just attended a wedding that didn’t have a poem, but just a straightforward statement kinda like this:
“The Bride & Groom are requesting cash as their preferred gift. Thank you, [Groom’s name] and [Bride’s name]”
It even came in a little envelope that was “conveniently” provided so you didn’t even have to buy them a card to put your money in.
Although I didn’t agree with what they did, because I know that most guests (I knew everyone who was invited) appreciated the not-so-subtle guidance, I wasn’t offended on a personal level.
But seriously? How do you refer to yourself as “Bride & Groom” and then sign it with your names? It’s like referring to yourself in the third person. And at least be consistent; if you say “Bride & Groom” then sign it [Bride’s name] and [Groom’s name]. And don’t get get me started on how tacky it was for them to provide an envelope.
I just plan to bury my registry info on our wedding website and include a blurb on our invites like “Please visit our wedding website!” without any mention of our registries.
And although we prefer cash, it’s not difficult for us to just return some registry items for money.
Post # 11
It’s rude to ask someone buy you a gift.
That applies to poems and everything else. Can we put this to rest already?
Post # 12
@AlwaysSunny: Maybe where you are, but where I am its rude to turn up to a hosted event without bringing a gift of some kind, for a dinner party its usually flowers, wine or after dinner chocolates. For a wedding its somthing memorable or a gift to set the couple up in their new life together. Everyone knows gifts will be excahged, most guests will want to have the information, girft list or cash etc. so that they dont end up wasting thier money on the 6th toaster, or the 200th picture frame. So why make them do all the running to find out where it is rather than providing the information. Its not asking, its providing the infomation everyone knows they will be searching for in any case.
Post # 13
@AlwaysSunny: I don’t see why it should be put to rest. A lot of people have a lot of different opinions.
OP, as you’re in Australia (is some of your family Irish?) social rules are slightly different to those in America. So although I don’t exactly know what they are, I can tell you what ours are outside the USA.
In the UK, it’s really common to put poems in invitations. We didn’t put anything in ours as we had no room (and I’d kept hearing “omg no, tacky!!” on the Bee) and instead just put a link to our wedding website, and the link to our registry was at the bottom of the site.
We’ve had so many people ask us where our registry is, and what we want. Part of me now wishes we had put a little card in, because in our culture this is totally fine, normal and most of all completely expected.
It’s totally up to you if you want the poem or not, but if your guests are expected to have registry info handed to them on a plate, they’ll be more annoyed that they have to go searching for it, than reading a poem they think was ‘cute enough’ or whatever.
Post # 14
@LilLis: That’s true that your guests may want that info. I wish it wasn’t rude to just tell people what you want. It just seems like that’s American culture.
I agree that you should always bring something, but I would be totally turned off if somone said “Hey come to my dinner party to celebrate my birthday. Oh and you should give me some money to cover the party.”
Post # 15
@Miss Jackrabbit: That’s true, I should have checked the OP’s location. It seems like these topics come up every few days and get generally the same responses though.
Post # 16
@LilLis: I totally agree!!!!