Spinoff – Post-Wedding Depression and Cohabitation?

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Were you depressed after the wedding? Did you live together beforehand?
    We cohabitated and I wasn't depressed : (99 votes)
    59 %
    We cohabitated and I WAS depressed : (23 votes)
    14 %
    We lived separately and I wasn't depressed : (20 votes)
    12 %
    We lived separately and I WAS depressed : (5 votes)
    3 %
    ... People still wait til marriage for sex? What? : (20 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 3
    3731 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @Benni:  I didn’t experience “post-wedding depression.” I’m not even sure that’s a real thing lol. We did already live together (with my parents, to boot) and I am blissfully happy being married. I can’t put my finger on it, but it just “feels” different being married. And I enjoy sex even more now! I wonder if I’m the only one?

    Post # 4
    489 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    @Benni:  I don’t think cohabitation has anything to do with it, I think it has more to do with the excitement of the day and time ending.  

    Post # 5
    9526 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    An interesting thought. I was lucky and didn’t have an depression. We lived together for three years before the wedding. Actually, after a few months of marriage my husband just took a job in another city, so we’re trying to adjust to not living together!

    Post # 6
    1981 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I am not married yet, so I didn’t vote.  But several of my friends (who cohabitated before marriage) said nothing felt different after getting married.  They described it as life going back to normal after the wedding, but at least for them, they didn’t feel new/different/married.

    Post # 7
    4698 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @Benni:  We lived together for years, we believe that you don’t get married without both sex AND cohabitation, preferably for awhile. You don’t marry because you hope for good things, you marry because you already have everything how you want it to be for your married life. DH and I both believe that the best marriage is created by living as if you are a married couple first, THEN getting married when you’re sure you like it that way. 

    Nothing much has changed for us so far (we’ve been married 4 months) and that’s a good thing. The only change either of us has detected is that when we fight or bicker, the stakes seem lower and it feels easier to make up than before. 

    I have struggled with anxiety and depression for most of my life, and honestly wedding planning had its fun moments but was more a source of stress than fun. “New and exciting” was not how I felt about it. “Big fucking hassle” was closer to reality. I’m glad we did it and the wedding itself went off with barely a hitch and made some amazing memories, but I won’t pretend that the lead up time was all that great. 

    If anything, I’m saner and more relaxed now that it’s finally done. 🙂

    Post # 8
    2630 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    We lived together before marriage, but I don’t think the two (cohabitation and post-wedding blues) are necessarily tied together. My experience was more about second-guessing my aesthetic choices plus being unhappy with my body. The living together part was and continues to be an amazing experience. Nothing tangible is different, but for me it feels different to be married. Maybe part of it is relief to no longer be planning and anticipating the wedding day, haha.

    I’m not saying that nobody has cohabitation related blues. There have been enough threads on WB where people seem disappointed in the lack of change. However, that wasn’t the case for me.

    Post # 9
    157 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I think that post-wedding depression is similar to what my friends refer to as BPS (birthday party syndrome). All the excitement is built up for that day, then it happens and it is SO.MUCH.FUN, but then it’s just over and you’re like “now what?” And, you have to go back to work and reality!

    Post # 10
    2076 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I had never heard of such a thing until this website. No, I didn’t have any post-wedding depression and we lived together for a year before our wedding. I struggle with depression as it is but I was on cloud 9 after the wedding…so much free time again and I had a Husband (!) not just a fiancé. Not sure I buy into the whole “post wedding depression” thing quite honestly. I think too many times people throw around those terms like depression, anxiety, and panic attacks too easily. But maybe I’m just over-sensitive given my personal medical history. (Sorry for the tangent)

    Post # 11
    8388 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I didn’t even know post wedding depression was a thing until I read about it on this forum.  I voted that we cohabitated and I wasn’t depressed.

    Post # 12
    7630 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    We lived together for a few years before marriage. I didn’t have post-wedding depression, more like post-wedding relief! 

    I would think it would be more common for people who didn’t live together to have a rough time after their wedding. I know a lot of couples experience difficulties when they move in – it’s a big adjustment. I know a friend of mine told me she thought she made a mistake the first few months of her wedding. They’re doing fine now though! 

    Post # 13
    1355 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

    Phbt, I was RELIEVED that the wedding nightmare was finally over and we could move on with our lives. We’d already lived with each other for about three and a half years before getting married, so it was about time.

    Post # 14
    30 posts
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @Bebealways:  “and honestly wedding planning had its fun moments but was more a source of stress than fun. “New and exciting” was not how I felt about it. “Big fucking hassle” was closer to reality. I’m glad we did it and the wedding itself went off with barely a hitch and made some amazing memories, but I won’t pretend that the lead up time was all that great.”

    I like you. Haha

    Post # 15
    416 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I didn’t have any depression, and we had lived together for two years.  The day after the wedding we were definitely exhausted and feeling every emotion under the sun – I think we were both on the verge of tears at a couple points.  It’s just this huge build-up, this climactic day (which was awesome and full of so much love and awesomeness), and then it’s over.  I certainly wouldn’t call it depression, but I understand the feeling of “what now?”  We left for our honeymoon two days after the wedding, and then moved to a new city, so I guess a lot of our energy went into those things, which may have helped.  But I was so excited to be married to DH that I don’t think I needed other projects to avoid depression.

    Post # 16
    1822 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

    I didn’t have time to be depressed, lol. It was such an exciting time – wedding, honeymoon, house hunt, house buying, moving, decorating, remodeling… It’s been fun to “nest” like this in the first 6 months!

    We cohabitated beforehand, so there were no speedbumps to hit in learning how to deal with each other 24/7

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