SPINOFF: the social constructs of being a SAHW….discuss!

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

I definitely agree that being a SAHW is not a job.  It is taking care of life. Everyone with a job, does everything that a SAHW does just in addition to having paid employment.

I agree that it is a choice a couple can make if that is what they both want. 

But I think that anyone who chooses to be a SAHW is taking a gigantic risk.  There is usually very little thought (in my experience) as to what would happen to her should the relationship dissolve.  If they ever break up she will more or less end up in an entry level position, because a degree without complimentary work experience is pretty useless.  So then she ends up being older, earning very little, and not maintaining the lifestyle she previously enjoyed.  From that position I think it’s a bit crazy, and I would never do it.  But hey if others want to, they can go nuts.

Post # 4
Member
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@cdncinnamongirl:  I agree with how you feel. However, I also make more money so I’m biased. I cant imagine sitting home because I like nice things and we wouldnt be able to afford them in our area with only one salary. 

 

From what I’ve seen on the bee most SAHWs swear  say that they do things and not just “sit home.” I think most women that dont understand the SAHW stuff think that those women just sit home and need to ask their husbands for money. 

 

 

 

I am not crafty so I cant run an Etsy shop or website and I am not sick so I see no reason for me to be home. I also do not want to volunteer my time other than the occasional soup kitchen or something. I clean and cook on a daily basis but after I finish working. I will admit that I can work from home 4 out of 5 days of the week Wink

 

 

 

*takes seat and gets ready for the great debate*

 

Post # 5
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Does the definition of SAHW mean a woman who contributes no income (i.e. not working full-time or part-time from home)?

Post # 6
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Right now I am a SAHW. I quit my job at a big corporation because it was negatively affecting our relationship because I was miserable all of the time. (It was also a quit or be fired type of deal) My DH told me to focus on taking my GRE and getting into graduate school to better myself. So I am doing that… 

In the mean time though, I am the typical SAHW. What I can say, is that it isn’t nearly as glamorous as some people (like me before I was a SAHW) might expect.  I think when people reflect on theiw views of a SAHW, they see the beverly house wife who has a maid and all of her hobbies. For me, it isn’t like that at all. Most SAHW’s that I have met don’t have that lifestyle. It also isn’t like the 50’s in my household either. And it is a big finanical risk, so we focus a lot on savings and just making it through. We sacrifice a lot. However, we’re happier as a couple than we’ve ever been. 

I can’t imagine being a SAHW forever. I honestly cannot wait to get into grad school (hopefully). I really respect everyones choices. Whether to work, be a SAHW, a SAHM, a SAH-DM (dog mom!), etc. It’s hard no matter what you choose. There are sacrifices both ways. 

ETA: I definitely do not just sit around all day. I think it’s really bitchy to assume that SAHW’s do that… I’m actually busier than I’ve ever been. Because people know that I’m home (my family) I am constantly doing things for them. Babysitting my neice, helping my grandma out, directing the maintence man at my moms apartment, dropping someone off to get their car fixed, helping people move, etc. Ontop of keeping up with my household (which does take a lot of work)

Post # 10
Member
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@cdncinnamongirl:  I think of a SAHW as someone who contributes no income to the household. I also didnt say you thought they sat home and do nothing but I’ve seen in other threads where posters have said it and I think that’s where they may be wrong.

I also dont think of someone who is in school, sick, or running a business from home as a SAHW. 

Post # 11
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t think SAHW is actually a “thing.”  It’s actually just the absence of paid employment.  People can make whatever choices in life make them happy, but to call being unemployed a job is disingenuous.  If you choose to be unemployed and it works for your family, great!  In some ways I would love to do just that, but I would feel too guilty not bringing in money to help our family and our future.  And my husband would be like “you want to do what???”

 

Post # 12
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

@cdncinnamongirl:  I always thought I wanted to be a SAHW because I have anxiety, and I was studying something in school that I hated. So I always thought that I, even if I could get a job, I’d 1. hate it, and 2. not be able to go everyday because of my anxiety. I was basically giving up on myself.

Then, I changed majors, found friends that I really like in my new department and something that I truly love studying, and most importantly, I took a few classes with a professor who really gave me back my confidence and convinced me to do my best and go to grad school if I so choose to do so.

Now I’m motived, and I don’t want to let my anxiety stop me from accomplishing things I want to do (get a job, make lots of money, get a nice car, a nice house, be able to go shopping whenever I want, etc.). So, that’s why I wanted to be a SAHW, but I don’t anymore. I do want to be a SAHM though, if I ever decide to have children (I’m extremely undecided). 

 

However, all of that being said: I have no problem at all with people who are SAHW, and I can see why some people would want to do that. I do think that if people are SAHS (either wife or husband, no judgement here), then they should actually do things around the house: clean, cook, etc. I’m not saying that the other spouse shouldn’t ever do anything, or the SAH one should be a slave, but I don’t like SAHS that just sit around doing nothing all day. To me, that’s just ridiculous. There are benefits of having a SAHS: they can handle all of the bills/finances, keep everything in order, clean, cook, shop, etc. They can be a very strong assett if they want to be. 

Post # 13
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@cdncinnamongirl:  Well, I think you just expect to be automatically happier (that still takes work, job or no job). I’m not sitting around sipping cocktails chatting with my girlfriends about fashion or politics. I guess I didn’t really know what to expect when coming in. It is a lot of hard work. More than anything (what really makes it not as glamorous) is people’s opinions of SAHW’s. They truly do believe that they are selfish and just use their husbands. I’ve come across that a lot. In person and on the bee. 

Post # 14
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

@gelaine22:  “I think most women that dont understand the SAHW stuff think that those women just sit home and need to ask their husbands for money.”

+100


I don’t even want to read the rest of the comments because I know I’ll get upset. Maybe it’s because I’m exposed to a SAHW who I think is a great asset to the family. Her and her husband worked together and managed a business together, then they had kids. Once they had kids, she was a stay at home mother. Once the kids grew up, she just continued to be a SAHW. At this point, they’ve been married for close to 30 years, and he makes a very good living (think high 6 figure).

Not to mention, they’re extremely smart with their money (investing, saving, etc.), and would be completely set for life if something were to happen tomorrow. She doesn’t sit around and do nothing, nor does she have to ask for money. It’s their money, and honestly, she’s the one that handles all of the finances. He works, the paycheck gets deposited into their account, and he sits back and lets her handle all of the bills/investing/savings/etc. Obviously he has a say, but you know what I mean, haha.  

She also does a ridiculous amount of housework, and takes care of everything that needs to be done. She’s always busy, and never just sits around. I really admire her, and their relationship. It’s what I base all of my future goals on (financially, at least), and I try to model my relationship somewhat around the way they handle things. 

Post # 15
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

@oneofthesethings:  a SAHW is a “thing”, just like a SAHM is a “thing”. 

Post # 16
Member
8419 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Honestly, I don’t even see why this is a debate, why do people care so much about what other people do?  As long as everyone in the relationship is on the same page, I really don’t see why it matters.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors