Post # 1
People seem to be very passionate about this issue, and I’d be surprised if it hasn’t been discussed on WB before, but I wasn’t here then- so here goes:
Were you spanked?
If so, until what age? How did it affect you, if at all? Would you do it to your kids?
If not, how were you disciplined when you were young? Did it work? What do you think of spanking?
I’ll start: I was spanked, but rarely. I don’t really remember most occasions- just one or two stand out in my mind.
I don’t believe in beating kids down, but I do believe in spankings if they’ve knowingly done something out of defiance, disrespect, or cruelty. I don’t believe in spanking over mistakes or first-time offenses.
If I ever have kids, I’ll definitely warn them that a spanking is possible, and if they test me, I’ll have to deliver.
I also believe in having a certain level of fear of parents, especially during the teen years, lol!
Post # 3
Hell yeah I was spanked and I’m damn happy that my parents did!
Quite honestly I was only spanked probably >10 times because after a few times of being spanked I would immediately stop the bad behavior I was doing when the threat came from mom or dad.
Couldn’t be more greatful! Me and my FI both plan on spanking the future children.
Post # 4
I was only spanked once, and it was a safety issue. My parents were super strict with me, they didn’t need to spank me. All they had to do was give me the stink eye. I was a very polite child, but then, my parents were very polite. Manners were highly valued in our house.
Post # 5
I was never hit as a child. My parents would instead deal with whatever problem in whatever way worked best at the time. For example, I pitched a fit in the grocery store once. Instead of slapping me or whatever, my mom just started putting all the food back, scooped me up, and walked out of the store. That stopped me…I was like, “But what are we going to eat??”
When my brother and I fought we had to sit on the stairs and think about it. But we were never spanked or anything.
Post # 6
I was spanked and I appreciate it. I wasn’t spanked often, I was a pretty good kid, and my parents never spanked me out of anger. They were also firm believers in the punishment befitting the crime. I also got grounded, time outs, and talks with mom and dad about why what I did was wrong.
If I have kids, they will be spanked too.
ETA: I forgot to answer your other questions. I was younger, older than 5 but younger than 12 and it didn’t effect me at all. I was a happy kid and am a happy adult. I don’t resent my parents and it didn’t turn me into some timid person afraid that everyone was going to hurt me. I will also add that I do see a difference in beating a child and spanking them.
Post # 7
Yes I was spanked often. I have no recollection of what I did at the time to deserve it. It left me an introverted and fearful child. I have needed counseling to deal with the effects of that and also emotional abuse. My brother grew up to have behavioral problems and became so violent there was police involvement many times.
I would never, and have never spanked a child. It’s despicable, disgusting and has no place in modern society. It’s not legal to hit a dog, or any other person, so why is it okay to hit a child? My husband has his teaching degree, and I took phychology courses as well as human growth and development. Spanking is not effective. It encourages physical aggression. I cannot think of a more loathsome practice. I have interveined on parents hitting their children before, and I would do it again in a heartbeat.
And no, I don’t have children. I have cared for children, and I fail to see what about carrying and caring for my own would suddenly compell me to want to physically attack him/her.
I do not beleve in any physical punishment towards anyone, especially children.
I will not be responding to comments on my opinion on this matter.
Post # 8
I was spanked and it always just pissed me off. I was always the kind of kid who hit or talked back even when I was being spanked so it made no difference.
I don’t plan on havng children and frankly one of the reasons why is because I have absolutely no patience for them and would likely resort to spanking pretty often just out of pure frustration.
Post # 9
Were you spanked? Yes, once or twice… I really deserved it!!!
If so, until what age? How did it affect you, if at all? Would you do it to your kids? I am pretty sure I was very young (like way under 10)… I might do it to my future kid as a last resort… no, I have no emotional damage or whatever BS people think it causes. The usual punishment method was taking away things (like internet privileges/being grounded).
With that said, my mom used to be BEATEN by her parents and I think that’s disgusting. I think spanking with any kind of object is bad as well. I am talking about a quick slap on the butt here, not some prolonged torture session.
Post # 10
I was spanked and looking back the upsetting thing about it was the embarrassment more than pain. To be honest I don’t see the big deal with spanking unless it’s done in a way where the parent is abusive and out of control. There’s a difference between a parent being cool and stern when they spank a kid vs. a parent losing their temper and spanking as a way to lash out.
I see punishing kids like training dogs – different approaches will work for different ones. For example, we had one dog you just had to say “no” to and reward for good behavior, and that was enough. He had a mellow temperament. Our pugs, though, are stubborn as hell and little devils. They require a more stern Cesar Milan-type approach, and it’s worked really well for them. Similarly, some kids are hell on wheels and require a firmer hand than others. I don’t think there’s a “one size fits all” parenting style that will work for every kid.
Post # 11
Poll options don’t really fit. I was spanked on rare occasions, and while it didn’t scar me for life, those were not the times I learned lessons. In fact, we really only got spanked on car trips, and we would pretty much play a game to see which one of us would push my dad over the edge and get spanked. I don’t blame my parents, but it’s not like it did any good. And it was just parenting out of fear/anger, which never really works.
Post # 12
I was spanked, as were both my brothers, with hands, or my moms favorite, a big wooden spoon. They by no means “beat us” and they were completely loving and by my point of view, perfect parents. We were only spanked when we did something we knew we were not supposed to do. And it was not a frequent thing, probably a few times a year, up until around 11. I did not think it was unusual growing up, and I still don’t, looking back and thinking for the future when I have kids. I don’t think I will spank my kids, but if I do, I don’t think its bad if it is like when my parents spanked me.
I know that when I got spanked over something, I sure as hell did not do whatever I did again. I think it was effective for getting the point across. I hated it, but I guess that is the point.
Post # 13
100% agree with you on this 🙂
In New Zealand where I am from it is ILLEAGAL to hit children – as it should be…If you hit an adult who does something wrong its Assult…but if you hit a child its “parenting” ” discipline”? Thats such a load of BS.
I was not smacked as a child, My parents gave me consequences that didnt involve physical harm, I have children and would never dream of smacking them – Its barbaric.
Post # 14
I, personally, was not spanked b/c I actually never did anything out of line as a kid. They spanked my older sister and that scared me, so I stayed in check. I’m not sure which poll option you think I should pick, because while I wasn’t spanked myself it’s not like they wouldn’t have done it if I had given them a reason to do it.. so, IDK.. lol
Post # 15
I got spanked a few times when I was a little kid but once I hit about 7 my mom switched to time-out and scolding. I was a pretty sensitive kid so if you told me I screwed up I’d punish myself far worse than a spanking ever could have. There’s nothing inherintly wrong with spanking as long as it’s not excessive, as long as you don’t hit when you’re angry, and as long as it doesn’t continue past the age where the kid can understand consequences.
The most important part of punishment is to keep it focues on the behavior, not on the kid. Example, don’t say “you were bad and I’m spaking you because of X” say “you did X and this is not okay so you’re being punished.” Love should be unconditional. You don’t want the kid to feel bad about themselves as a person, you just want to correct their bad behavior. Always follow up punishment with an explanation of cause and effect “if you do X again then Y will happen. Doing X is not a good thing to do.”
Look up attachment style if you want to learn more about social psychology.
Post # 16
This is so interesting to me. I was never, ever spanked as a child. My parents used other ways to dicipline me – punishment fitting the crime type of things. For example, if I was upset over a toy, I lost the toy all togehter. If my sister and I were fighting over the TV, the TV remote was taken away and the set unplugged. I am also an elementary school teacher, so I am able to effectively manage behavior in children, and I know how to talk to kids when things are wrong.
FI, on the other hand, was always spanked as a child, and claims he would do it to our future kids.
Its the one thing we absolutely cannot come to an agreement on. I would probably be furious with him if i found out he spanked our kids!