Post # 1
There was a post about someone wanting to have a way to remember their “argument rules” I know we have rules when argueing, but I was curious what other couples’ rules are?
Do you have rules to keep things from getting too heated, and if you do, what are they?
Post # 3
we have never had to set “rules” because we are both adults and its not OK to yell, scream, name call, be hurtful in any friendship/relationship (work, family etc) – thats destructive. we have disagreements but manage to talk it out so each other is heard
Post # 4
I unerstand, and I dont mean by those things, but when you have two very different personalities, sometimes you need a few rules, or requests to make sure things dont get blown up.
Fiance is hot tempered and says things bluntly
I am VERY sensitive and have anxiety issues (make it hard to understand me)
Our “rules” are mostly how to communicate with each other.
If he feels overwelmed and needs a break, he goes outside on the porch for 10 minutes and comes back in.
I feel too anxious, I tell him and he will close his eyes so I breathe, and talk without being distracted.
We actually had to because before he would go for a walk, and I felt abandoned (irrationally) and if he didnt close his eyes I would get too worked up to communicate and he would get even more frustrated.
Post # 5
ah – my problem is that i can be more moody with him than i am with the people i work with so this year my thing has been to change my behaviours as its not fair to him to treat almost strangers nicer than i treat the person im suppose to love
him…hes pretty much perfect personality wise, a much better husband than i am a wife i admit
Post # 6
We don’t really have rules. We try to respect each other… but that’s not always possible in the moment (possible maybe, but we don’t want to). Anyway, my own rule is after a while just leave me alone so I can think about things and be by myself. We can talk about it before we go to sleep or in a few minutes… but sometimes talking/arguing about it is not working in the moment. His rule is usually after arguing he starts teasing me and acting like it never happened… it pisses me off… but eventually we get through it and realize how stupid we were acting.
Post # 7
eloping– DO you work in a field like health care or education? sometimes you have to get your frustration out and your partner is the easiest. My sister is a very loving nurse, but her hubby jokes that she is the last person he would ever want to PO.
kperry3- thats funny, because thats the exact opposite as me and Fiance. After I am done being emotional I make jokes and I accidently drive Fiance nuts!
Post # 8
We never raise our voices and talk things through until we find a solution or compromise. We don’t argue, neither of us gets worked up enough to call it an argument.
Post # 9
If thinga are ever getting out of hand,and talking it through just isnt working, I have a rule that he has to let me leave the room, slam a few doors so I can blow off some steam and have 10 minutes on my own so I can sort things out in my head. I come back and I can work things through much more rationally and reasonably.
My Fiance doesnt have any rules really, he can argue the toss forever and a day and just keep going!
Post # 10
The only real “rule” we have is to never go to bed angry. I don’t follow this as well as my SO because I tend to want to walk off and sulk, but he’s really good about convincing me to talk and make it better so we can spend the night in each others arms.
Post # 11
We have to work it out before bed/ parting ways. Otherwise, just cool it and sort of.. forgive right then until we have a chance to talk/ work it out. We always trust we have a commitment to one another, and that sort of… helps us maintain our cool, so-to-say. Also, we can yell, we are human, but not if it is making the other person upset/ not if it is out of control. More like- if it is expressing yourself (DH yells when he means something- it is different from yelling AT someone-if that makes sense). I have learned to stay sort of calm and remember that he and I both have good intentions. That sort of security helps us stay calm.
Post # 12
We’ve never set rules just because, well, we don’t argue/get into disagreements that merit “rules.” We’re both pretty easy going and agree on most things. Makes life easier.
Post # 13
I guess the only “rules” we have are
– don’t interrupt/let the other finish what they have to say (sometimes we both have a tendency to jump in the middle of what the other is saying, so we make a conscious effort to control it)
– no name calling or cursing (if it’s a heated topic)
– really consider the other’s point of view
We don’t have many arguments at all, but there are always some here or there. We just try to be as honest, respectful, understanding and reasonable as possible.
Post # 15
We have never really set ground rules but I feel like there are things we both do out of respect. Like we never ever call each other names or insult the other person. We try not to raise our voices. We don’t stop talking until the problem is solved. I think the longer we’re together the more productive and short our fights are getting. We learn each others’ irrational responses and how to best handle them. Like I can always tell if there comes a point in an argument where my husband realizes he’s wrong but just is digging in because he doesn’t want to lose. I used to just keep fighting with him to prove I was right. Now if I feel like he actually “gets it” I just back away from the whole thing and try to frame it like “okay at this point nothing can be done about that so lets not talk about it anymore but can we both agree that in the future we’ll _____” and the situation is resolved.
Post # 16
Our rules are:
– not to use infinitives (Always, Never etc. because they are never true and always an exaggeration)
– no name calling or swearing
– not to tell the other person what they are doing or feeling; but, to only talk about your own feelings