Post # 1
Hello Hive! So when it comes to wedding related etiquette, what do you disagree with or not understand?
For me, it is the expectation of gifts. I do give gifts to events I attend, or to people I am very close to, but I had no idea there was such an expectation. I really can’t wrap my mind around the idea of people counting gifts and complaining about how little thought or money went into it. I also had never heard of, nor do I understand the “covering your plate” concept. 1) How am I supposed to know how much my plate is. 2) I am suppose to base my congradulatory gift of well wishes based on how expensive or thrifty of a wedding you are having?
Post # 3
I disagree with the fact that stating you would prefer cash is rude. I would rather give a couple money (what I can afford) for them to buy what they like, than buying a saucer for 100 Euros off a register which seem to be OK but is technically just the same deal if not slightly ruder, or buying a gift only for the couple to ask where I got it from so they could return it.
Post # 4
For me it’s cash bar, I see nothing wrong with having a cash bar at all. If guests really want alcohol, I see nothing wrong with them buying it. If they don’t want to pay for it then they can have water or soft drink. But maybe that’s culture, the last wedding I went to (and the only one I can remember, because the first one I went to was when I was six and the second was when I was 9) had a cash bar and no one had a problem with it. Weddings are expensive enough as it is!
Post # 5
Giving cash enables the couple to use MONEY for stuff they actually need/want. Maybe you $100 is going to the electricity bill this month, maybe it bought them a couples massage on their honeymoon. IMO, cash is always the best gift.
Post # 6
@Cariad: I have no objection to asking for cash, but I hate the bloody money poems people use. My favourite request for cash was from a friend who said, “We’re old enough and ugly enough to have accumulated a two houses full of rubbish and we’ve booked a honeymoon we can’t really afford, so if you would like to give us anything a contribution towards that honeymoon would be wonderful.”
As for etiquette that I dislike there’s a lot:
- Addressing things to “Mr and Mrs John Smith”.
- Random plus ones.
- Telling people that letting guests for even some of their own drinks is rude.
- I have to agree with the OP. Expecting gifts is rude and bitching when you don’t get them is unbearably rude.
I’m sure there are a lot more but I can’t think of them now.
Post # 7
@SpecialSundae: It could be a british thing… . Here in Greece, we had people calling up confused because we hadn’t included our bank details haha!
Also, this, I think is a british thing, where I do not see the problem at all with tiered reception. Inviting a select number for the sit-down meal, before inviting the whole world and it’s dog to the evening part of the reception, which usually has a buffet. I don’t see it rude that cousin Molly can’t afford to pay for a sit down meal for me, but would still like to have me be a part of her special day.
Post # 8
@Cariad: I totally agree but that also seems to be a British thing. That said, US weddings seem to start around the same time as our evening receptions do!
Post # 9
@Cariad: A million times this. I don’t care if people think it’s rude, honestly, because I think they’re being ridiculous. If someone I care about is getting married and I’m gonna spend money on them, I want them to have what will make them the happiest. If that’s money, I’m glad to know so I didn’t buy them their 19th crockpot.
Post # 10
I don’t understand the not including registry details as an insert into invitations. I just don’t see it as being “gift grabby” as some have called it. I’ve only ever recieved one invite that did not including registry details in it and it annoyed me to no end, if I want to give a gift I shouldn’t have to call around to random people I may or may not know or the bride and groom to ask where they’re registered. And just because registry information is included in the invitation I don’t see it as implying a gift is required to attend.
Post # 11
@SpecialSundae: Isn’t it funny our little differences. There is the other side of the coin where I find it quite rude to ask BMs to go to great costs to be part of the wedding. It’s a big no-no in Wales at least to ask someone to be your Bridesmaid or Best Man and then expect them to shell out a bloody fortune on dresses, shoes, hair etc….
Post # 12
@Cariad: I know! I was absolutely shocked when I first found out about that. I could understand more if they got to choose their own dresses, but generally they don’t.
Post # 13
I don’t understand favors, although those definitely aren’t a must-have anymore. Isn’t feeding and giving drinks enough of a favor to guests?
Post # 14
@NAvery I totally agree! We’re forgoing “favors” in favor of providing guests with better touches – crinkle fans for the ceremony in case they get hot, for instance. People keep suggesting that we get at least little chocolates or have a candy bar or something and I’m like – we’re having amazing desserts in addition to a wedding cake. Isn’t that better than an off brand chocolate with my name on it? Would people really prefer a tin of M&Ms to a chocolate pot du creme?
Post # 15
wearing any sort of whitish color to the wedding. I will wear whatever I damn well please.
cash bars. I don’t get the stigma attached to them.
requesting cash. cash is the best gift, and I’m glad it’s common in my culture. I think it’s rude to request an amount of money, not request money.
Post # 16
BMs paying for their own dresses. This is definitely a British thing, but I couldn’t imagine asking my girls to buy an expensive dress to match my colour scheme. If I want them to wear something, I’ll pay for it.
The other thing I disagree with are the people who refuse to contribute to a honeymoon registry because it’s ‘tacky’ – if I’m giving my friends or relatives a gift, I want to give them something THEY want, not something I think they should have.