Post # 1
There’s a thread over in the ‘Waiting’ section about how people who are in long-term relationships aren’t given the same respect as married and engaged couples. It got me wondering when people start to consider a relationship “serious”. So, at what point did you consider your relationship to be a serious one, and at what point do you start viewing others’ relationships as “serious”.
ETA; I don’t want to start drama or have people insulting one another’s relationships. I just genuinely want to see what people think. My parents, for example, considered my relationship with my FI “serious” from about nine months on. My FILs didn’t really consider us serious until I had my ring.
Post # 3
. I consider it serious when both people in the relationship consider it serious. FI and I don’t live together, but were definitely serious about each other befor the ring. I’d say maybe dating 1 year or more and/or discussing a future together would count as serious to me.
Post # 4
@Laurenplusalex: Oooo! “Discussing the future”! I’ll add that to the poll. Thanks!
Post # 5
@Nostawyn: When both people in the relationship consider it serious. FI and I were together 6 years before he proposed, but we had been serious about our future together for almost our entire relationship. Other people need time to mature and become more serious about the relationship. It really just depends on the individual couple.
That said, anyone claiming to be serious that constantly has blow-up fights with one another in public or who cheat on one another or just act really immaturely. . . yeah, I may not say anything but I wouldn’t consider that couple to be serious – doesn’t matter how old they are or how long they’ve been together either. Being serious means showing respect for the other person, showing respect for your relationship, and being mature enough to avoid doing things that hurt the other person.
Post # 6
I would think when you start talking about future plans with each other. When they start coming to family events more frequently.
Post # 7
When both people consider it serious… My relationship with my fiance was serious within the first week (we said “i love you” in the first week), as we had known each other for years, so we started out with very strong feelings for one another. I think because we knew each other for so long, our families took it very seriously from the beginning too.
Post # 8
I guess when they both consider it serious. I would take moving in together as a pretty good sign that it’s serious though.
Post # 9
@LoggerHead91207: I like your perspective on it. It’s the couple’s decision when their relationship is serious, but they have to decide to talk about it like it’s serious AND treat it like it’s serious. I feel pretty much the same way.
@dessilove: You know, I didn’t even think to put “family events” on the poll because in my family you bring your SO to family events regardless of how long you’ve been together. They just come. And if you bring someone new next time around, no one comments on it. But I can definitley see how for a lot of people that can indicate that they’re relationship is more serious.
@oneyearout: Couples who have known each for a long time do seem to get the jump on being “serious” it seems. You don’t have to date to find out that you enjoy each other’s company.
Post # 10
@Nostawyn: Ha -yeah… I had a friend who said that it’s like I started dating my (now) fiance at the 3 month mark of a more typical relationship.
Post # 11
@Nostawyn: This is a good question! I guess when the couple starts to ACT serious.
1. No public/social media drama
2. Socialize as a couple
3. Meet each other’s families
4. Build toward their future
5. Communicate like adults
Post # 12
I tend to think of my “serious” relationships as the ones where we dated seriously for more than a year, met each other’s families, celebrated holidays together, etc. I’ve had four of these, but one was my high school boyfriend and one was my college boyfriend, so I’m inclined to take those two a little bit less seriously in retrospect. I’ve only had two serious relationships since age 21.
Post # 13
There aren’t any specifics. It depends on the couple. If I know someone who dates someone for a year, but I have seen them go through a new guy each year, I’m probably not going to take it too seriously. At the same time, SO and I have been sharing our lives and finances and major decisions for 8 years and are just now getting engaged, so I can’t say that engagement makes it serious. Both of our families have treated us like a married couple for a long time.
Post # 14
@Nostawyn: I will always acknowledge the person’s SO, even if they’ve only been together for 2 weeks. But when it comes to my personal opinion about what I consider serious or not, it varies. I’d have to say, when one of these happens first : they hit the 1 year mark or they move in together. However, getting engaged after 2 months or being pregnant after 3 months does not mean you’re into a serious relationship or truly committed, IMO.
I guess it takes a combination of long-term and daily life commitment for me to consider it ”serious” (independantly of how serious the couple considers their relationship, but those are 2 different things). For example, my FI and I were serious from day 1 and never doubted it was. Our families knew we were each other’s SO and were invited to family events as a couple, always. But we moved in after 5 months and I think everybody got that it was really ”serious” at that moment.
Post # 15
I think all of the poll options count as serious… with two possible exceptions. Couples who discuss the future aren’t always serious, and I’ve had friends tell me that they are in a serious relationship when everyone else can see that this is all about to crash and burn. But usually all of the poll options apply, I think.
Post # 16
I considered my relationship serious when I wanted my BFs to meet my family and introduced them as such. Mind you we already had the exclusive/ serious discussion.
If a friend tells me his/ her bf or gf is serious then that’s fine. I don’t require any other litmus test befire I would extend an invite. If someone said “we are dating” that would not automatically trigger me into thinking it was serious even if the couple was dating for a year or more.