Post # 1
So, I was readig through the ‘5 kids’ thread on here and I noticed a few commebtors saying ‘if I have to push them out, then I get the final decision on how many we have’.
Seems like a nice rule, but I’ve tried it with FI before and he just says ‘no. This is a 100% a joint decision. There’s no final say for anyone.’
So it got me wondering – in your relationship, who had/has the final say?
Post # 3
I voted we both do, it’s a partnership that affects us both equally for a long time. But for the most part we’re on the same page on this topic so no worries here.
Post # 4
@ZebraPrintMe: FI and I have discussed it thorougly and we both feel that this is a joint decision. I may be the one pushing them out, but we’re both going to have to put in a lot of financial, emotional, mental, and physical work to raise them for 18 years. We tend to make most decisions together though.
Post # 5
I understand that logic… but it truly is a JOINT decision. I mean unless you plan on raising the baby 100% on your own w/o the help of your spouse then you don’t have the only say. Also you don’t want resentment if one wants more than the other. You need to work it out.
Post # 6
Interesting…but I don’t like the idea of it being either person’s sole decision, unless of course it is a single parent making the choice. Marriage/relationships are a partnership, as is raising children. I would never, ever feel comfortable making a decision like how many children to have or not have without my husband’s buy in. Yes, it’s my body, but it’s OUR children.
Fortunately, we are on the same page, but if we weren’t we would have discussed it prior to marriage.
Post # 7
It is absolutely a joint decision! Like @picturemeurs: said – it effects both partners equally for a long time. We have an ongoing debate about this – I want 3 and he wants 2. I’m sure we will come to some sort of resolution and compromise when the time comes. You never know how you will feel about the issue after you have the first one, and the second one..
Post # 8
Its both for us. We agreed on the number with barely talking about it (2) We also agreed that after we get to that number, he will get clipped. This makes it both of our bodies in this process, so its much more important for us to be together.
Post # 9
It’s all fine and dandy to compromise, but as the person who has to deliver the children, I feel it’s the woman who gets final say. I’d like to see a man go through that; we’d all be single-child households if this were the case.
Post # 10
Both. However, if I am not healthy enough to sustain a pregnancy due to my health issues, we would adopt. FI, myself, and my doctors will all get a say on whether I birth a child, but FI and I will decide together on whether we have a child.
Post # 11
This is a team effort, team decision, team parenting.
He wants to stop at 2 and I want 3. We don’t need to discuss who gets the final say. There is no such thing as one person getting “final say” in a marriage. We NEED to agree. We will discuss it until we are blue in the face but we will either come to agreement or compromise. But we can’t exactly have 2 1/2 kids. lol But I’m sure it will all depend on our feelings at the time. He’s said that if we have 2 girls – he’s more likely to be willing to have a 3rd to try for a boy. And who knows after 2 childbirths i might say enough is enough so we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
I mean if its something stupid like what movie we are going to watch then one of us might get “final say” but definitely not in big decisions like having children.
Post # 12
We both definitely do. I’d hope he’d consider the stress pregnancy and delivery has on my body, and not push me for more than I’m comfortable with. Luckily, we both agree on 2.
Post # 13
In theory it’s both, but how does that really work in practice when the husband says yes and the wife says no? There’s not really a compromise, is there? I don’t know, I just have a hard time believing that once a woman says “yeah, no more pregnancy”, then goes forward with it because her partner wants another child, that it’s truly a “joint” decision. But I also don’t really understand how couples get to this point- this was one of those fundamental things we discussed before we got engaged :/
Post # 14
It takes the two of you to make kids…so I’d say that’s 50/50 all the way. Luckily, Mr. 99 and I didn’t want kids soooooo….that was easy.
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Luckily we both want 1 or 2 (depending on when we get started), so I guess there isn’t much haggling to do.
Post # 16
Definitely a joint decision. Currently he says 2 and I say 2-3, but realistically, we will both reassess after the first 1 or 2. We would need to come to a decision together (and I’m guessing that having one or two underfoot will greatly help us decide… as currently it’s just abstract).