Spinoff: Who gets the final say on # of kids?

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Who has the final say on # of kids?
    Me - if I'm the one giving birth to them then I can choose how many! : (75 votes)
    20 %
    Him - I'm not enormously fussed on the number so it's down to him. : (7 votes)
    2 %
    Both of us - we will fight to compromise even if it takes forever. : (234 votes)
    62 %
    Neither - We don't want kids!! : (12 votes)
    3 %
    Other - because OP didn't think of this option! : (13 votes)
    3 %
    Bunnies. : (6 votes)
    2 %
    Added: Whoever wants fewer. : (33 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2293 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I voted we both do, it’s a partnership that affects us both equally for a long time. But for the most part we’re on the same page on this topic so no worries here.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1666 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    @ZebraPrintMe:  FI and I have discussed it thorougly and we both feel that this is a joint decision. I may be the one pushing them out, but we’re both going to have to put in a lot of financial, emotional, mental, and physical work to raise them for 18 years. We tend to make most decisions together though.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3778 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I understand that logic… but it truly is a JOINT decision. I mean unless you plan on raising the baby 100% on your own w/o the help of your spouse then you don’t have the only say. Also you don’t want resentment if one wants more than the other. You need to work it out.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3119 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Interesting…but I don’t like the idea of it being either person’s sole decision, unless of course it is a single parent making the choice. Marriage/relationships are a partnership, as is raising children. I would never, ever feel comfortable making a decision like how many children to have or not have without my husband’s buy in. Yes, it’s my body, but it’s OUR children.

    Fortunately, we are on the same page, but if we weren’t we would have discussed it prior to marriage. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    1302 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    It is absolutely a joint decision! Like @picturemeurs: said – it effects both partners equally for a long time. We have an ongoing debate about this – I want 3 and he wants 2. I’m sure we will come to some sort of resolution and compromise when the time comes. You never know how you will feel about the issue after you have the first one, and the second one..

    Post # 8
    Member
    2873 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Its both for us.  We agreed on the number with barely talking about it (2)  We also agreed that after we get to that number, he will get clipped.  This makes it both of our bodies in this process, so its much more important for us to be together. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1463 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    It’s all fine and dandy to compromise, but as the person who has to deliver the children, I feel it’s the woman who gets final say.  I’d like to see a man go through that; we’d all be single-child households if this were the case.

    Post # 10
    Member
    4483 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    Both. However, if I am not healthy enough to sustain a pregnancy due to my health issues, we would adopt. FI, myself, and my doctors will all get a say on whether I birth a child, but FI and I will decide together on whether we have a child.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1549 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    BOTH!!

    This is a team effort, team decision, team parenting.

    He wants to stop at 2 and I want 3. We don’t need to discuss who gets the final say. There is no such thing as one person getting “final say” in a marriage. We NEED to agree. We will discuss it until we are blue in the face but we will either come to agreement or compromise. But we can’t exactly have 2 1/2 kids. lol But I’m sure it will all depend on our feelings at the time. He’s said that if we have 2 girls – he’s more likely to be willing to have a 3rd to try for a boy. And who knows after 2 childbirths i might say enough is enough so we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

    I mean if its something stupid like what movie we are going to watch then one of us might get “final say” but definitely not in big decisions like having children.

    Post # 12
    Member
    955 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    We both definitely do. I’d hope he’d consider the stress pregnancy and delivery has on my body, and not push me for more than I’m comfortable with. Luckily, we both agree on 2.

    Post # 13
    Member
    537 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    In theory it’s both, but how does that really work in practice when the husband says yes and the wife says no? There’s not really a compromise, is there? I don’t know, I just have a hard time believing that once a woman says “yeah, no more pregnancy”, then goes forward with it because her partner wants another child, that it’s truly a “joint” decision. But I also don’t really understand how couples get to this point- this was one of those fundamental things we discussed before we got engaged :/

    Post # 14
    Member
    5932 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    It takes the two of you to make kids…so I’d say that’s 50/50 all the way.  Luckily, Mr. 99 and I didn’t want kids soooooo….that was easy.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2913 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

    Luckily we both want 1 or 2 (depending on when we get started), so I guess there isn’t much haggling to do.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1446 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Definitely a joint decision.  Currently he says 2 and I say 2-3, but realistically, we will both reassess after the first 1 or 2.  We would need to come to a decision together (and I’m guessing that having one or two underfoot will greatly help us decide… as currently it’s just abstract).

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