(Closed) SPINOFF: Why do people expect their parents to contribute to their wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee

@dannielle89:  I think it’s a combination of tradition/what everyone’s seen in movies and such. It’s unfortunate that some people feel so entitled, but I guess that’s the society we live in.

Post # 4
Member
4328 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@dannielle89:  They shouldn’t. It’s not an obligation. Period. If they give even one dollar, the couple should be grateful.

Post # 5
Member
4328 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@MrNavidson:  I’m with you, pal. Oh, and congrats on your recent engagement! Lovely story.

Post # 6
Member
9920 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Well, marriage started off as a father negotiating the cost of his daughter to the local pig farmer, or whatever.  So it’s tradition.  

Post # 7
Member
8044 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@dannielle89:  Well I think part of it is based on tradition… like it’s the bride’s parents who give the dowry etc.

I think part of it may also be based on expectations… like if mommy and daddy bought them a car at 16, paid for university etc. etc. then they get the idea that it’ll happen. Maybe a sibling was given some $$ for their wedding.

I don’t necessarily get it either, though. I don’t come from a wealthy family. I would NEVER expect my mom to contribute. If I were rich then maybe I would. I’d have no problem contributing to my future kid’s wedding if we were in a good financial position.

Post # 8
Member
1549 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s tradition. It’s also what i’ve been brought up surrounded by. In my circle of family and friends, the parents always pay for the wedding. 

Post # 9
Member
4525 posts
Honey bee

Mine just always told me they would. So when it came down to it, there was no question. I’m sure there’s other people whose parents were the same way. 

Post # 10
Member
6750 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

It’s a tradition and all my friends’ parents footed the bill.  It’s something nice that parents want to do for their children, generally. I think it’s kind of upsetting that so many people’s parents don’t want to help their children get off on the right foot in marriage – not saying they have to shell out $100k, but helping out even with $1k is a nice gesture. 

I don’t expect my parents to foot the bill, since I don’t think they can afford it.  But, if they had money and they didn’t offer it up, I would wonder why not and be personally insulted and offended.  Especially since they helped pay for a portion of my sister’s. And it would make me wonder – do they not like my FI?  do they not want me to get married?  do they not care?  It shows an invested interest in my marriage. 

I would be more annoyed with my parents paying for the wedding and then planning it the way they want it instead of the way I want it than them not paying for the wedding (or any portion thereof) if they could afford it, though. 

Also – FI and I are only inviting people WE want.  Anyone who wants a say in our invite list has to fork over cash for those people.  It’s only fair.  So maybe some people have parents who insist on certain relatives coming and so they expect money, too?

Post # 11
Member
7886 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yeah I was just always told they would, because it’s tradition. Their parents paid for theirs, they paid for mine. And yes, I’ll be contributing for my kids.

Post # 12
Member
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Tradition. My parents would have it no other way so yeah I guess I technically expected it – but not in a bratty selfish greedy kind of way that many people on the boards seem to assume.  My parents view our wedding as a party they’re throwing in our honor.

Edit – I actually had NO idea until I joined WB how many couples pay for it themselves. I guess in my circle it’s just no common for parents not to pay.

Post # 13
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think if a couple is old enough and mature enough to get married, they could be old enough and mature enough to pay for their own wedding. If your parents can afford it, and are offering to pay, then absolutely, but I would never expect for them to pay for it. My parents gave us $5000, which was completely unexpected, and we were extremely grateful.

Post # 14
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think it also depends on what kind of say your parents will have in your wedding. My parents said they would not contribute so I told them my plans for a small wedding on FIs families farm. My parents then decided that their family wouldn’t be able to attend because of distance and decided to foot the bill if the wedding was closer to our home city. In this case my parents want to put a big wedding on for family which is not something we just the two of us could afford. I think if they want it they can pay for it!

Post # 15
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@mepayne:  Yep, mine! My mom’s father paid for hers, and her three sisters. It was not a platinum wedding by any means, but my mom always knew that she’d want to host mine. They haven’t given me a figure quite yet but I plan on cutting it in half and making it stretch 🙂

Post # 16
Member
1975 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

i believe that the responsibility of the bill should fall on whoever is getting married. If parents or whomever wish to give the couple a gift of cash and they choose to put the cash towards the wedding that i dont consider paying for or contributing to the wedding, its a gift that could be used for anything.

 

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