Post # 1
I was surprised to read in a thread that quite a few bee’s will not congratulate someone if they’ve gotten pregnant while NTNT or not trying at all. I wanted to see if that’s how most people feel…
My opinion on this is, I congratulate people all the time if they’re pregnant no matter if they we’re trying, not, or were about to but got pregnant early. The only time I wouldn’t is if the pregnancy wasn’t wanted in the first place/they don’t plan on keeping the baby.
What’s your take on this?
ETA: I posted that I got a positive pregnancy test yesterday, not to get “congrats” but more as of an update. I felt stupid after posting that thread because of a certain post that made me feel like I didn’t deserve to get pregnant. So maybe I shouldn’t have shared my news and it’s making me rethink sharing this news IRL, I’ll probably only tell people when they start asking.
Post # 3
I guess I’d have to choose depends on the situation… my first reaction to anyone is to congratulate them. If it’s a teen or a situation like that, I’d probably have a more careful response… although I’ve never personally dealt with that IRL. If it’s someone in your situation who got pregnant before they started “trying”, well, yeah, I’d be super-excited for them!
I hope you don’t still feel stupid for your post! It’s obviously wonderful news for you and you have every right to be excited!
Post # 4
Yes, I also congratulate most women when they are expecting… even if they were not trying. But it would also depend on the situation. In my opinion it just seems like the polite thing to do or saying something positive. But the reality is there are some bitter and jelous women who want a baby so bad after trying so long that they find it hard to be happy for others.
Post # 5
If someone told me they were pregnant, I’d assume they are keeping the baby and of course say congratulations. Babies should be celebrated!
I had a “surprise” baby too and some people acted like I didn’t deserve to be pregnant. You just can’t win.
Post # 6
@KatyElle: didnt deserve to be pregnant ?!
I would always congratulate someone when they told me regardless of circumstance
Post # 7
I honestly don’t congratulate people until I feel like I can get a reading on how they’re feeling about it. And I guess luckily the last few people who have told me they were pregnant are people I felt comfortable enough to say, is this a good thing? (or something along those lines).
Though if someone told me and it appeared to be a good thing I’d definitely say congratulations. Honestly, I don’t think I know the efforts level of most people in their attempts to conceive.
Post # 8
Timeout. From someone who tried for a very long time and couldn’t get pregnant, sorry not all of us are bitter or jealous. Does it hurt bc we can never feel that emotion? Sure does. Don’t know your history, but unless someones been down that road you can’t possibly understand how someone in that position feels.
To OP: I would congratulate someone no matter unless they were a teen or knew they weren’t keeping it. No matter what it’s a positive thing and should be celebrated. And, congratulations! Don’t feel stupid and honestly I never saw that post but it suprised me. There are bees that announce all the time they’re pregnant and it wasnt expected or even trying yet, yet they are congratulated all over. What makes that different?
Post # 9
@judithsr: That’s true. On here it’s always more obvious because there’s official lists of people TTC or NTNT, or some who come right out and say they weren’t going to try for a few more months or years, etc.
But IRL, it’s hard to know unless they share everything with you.
Post # 10
@CanadianMermaid: Yup. My husband and I were not trying to get pregnant, it just happened. Let’s call it a welcome surprise. People sometimes act like you did it as a slap in the face to everyone with fertility issues. I heard comments like “It’s always the 14 year olds and people who didn’t even try that end up pregnant, it’s not fair”
Someone even told me “But you’re a smoker and I have done everything right. How is it that you’re pregnant and I’m not?”
I think sometimes, especially online, people forget that you should just say congrats when someone announces a baby and they are obviously keeping it and ok with having one, regardless of your personal feelings and struggles.I would be happy to lend a sympathetic ear to anyone having fertility problems and would never judge them for having those feelings. Those feelings are human. There’s just no sense in taking another woman’s joy away because you are in pain.
Oh and OP, congrats!
Post # 11
Exactly. My pain is in private. I would never bring that out and ruin someones moment. I hope others do the same and I’m sorry your friend said something so sh***y like that. Truth is some people have no tact.
Post # 12
@Heatherloveskenny: I just saw your update–or what I hope is an update and not lazy reading on my part…but congratulations!!!! It sounds like this what you’re hoping for, and that’s wonderful. 🙂
Post # 13
*** I NEVER say congratulations to a pregnancy because of Jewish superstition. I’ll say yay or hooray, or have a good year (traditional thing to say) or have a happy and healthy pregnancy. I say those non-congratulations things regardless of the couple’s (or mother’s) intention to get pregnant.
ETA: Sorry if my post on your other thread didn’t seem like I was happy for you. I know it is a blessing and I am happy for you and your hubby. I just don’t say congrats until the baby is born. It’s actually why I didn’t post my own “I’m pregnant!” post–I was afraid to get any congrats from the bees before the baby is born.
Post # 14
If they are telling you about it there’s a pretty good chance that they want it so I’d definitely say congrats.
It’s pretty poor behavior to have a bad attitude about such things.
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2015 - Thorpewood
I had a friend who told me she was pregnant pretty soon after we graduated from high school. I just asked, “And how do you feel about that?” She said she was really happy, so I congratulated her. If she had said, “I’m so upset/mad/scared/etc” I probably would have said something different.
Post # 16
Of course I would congratulate someone! If someone is not planning on keeping it they are most likely going to tell you at the same time that they are telling you about the pregnancy. Sometimes surprise pregnancies need that little extra encouragment from friends and family. There is enough stress with the unexpected….show them that there can be joy as well.