Spinoff: Would you stay married to someone who was a pedophile

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Would you stay married to a person if you found out they were a pedophile
    yes I would stay and help them through it : (11 votes)
    2 %
    Oh hell no... : (500 votes)
    97 %
    Dont know dont care. : (7 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @TexasSpringBride:  My understanding is that many pedophiles have children so that they have built in victims. I would like to TTC one day and I can’t wrap my head around doing that with a pedophile, even a “recovering” one.

    I will be honest and state my ignorance so correct me if I am wrong. I think pedophiles have a sexual preference for children, similar to a fetish (just one that most of us don’t understand). Similar to how other fetishes and preferences can’t be changed, I am not sure if a pedophile could change what they prefer even if they wanted to. Perhaps they could ignore it but it would always be there. It would be similar to someone who is gay saying they “recovered” from their preference. I’m just not sure I buy it.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1318 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    No, I would not. I have a child already and may have more in the future. I would not be able to live my life with a man who could hurt a beautiful innocent child, and be putting my child(ren) in potential danger.

    Sadly, I know someone whose mother turned a blind eye to the fact that her husband was molesting their children. It is so disgusting. Shudder.

    Post # 6
    Member
    5421 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @TexasSpringBride:  No. I don’t think it’s something that can be ‘cured’, so I don’t think people can work through it; I think they can suppress their urges, but that’s it. I couldn’t be with someone who fantasised about children like that.

    Post # 7
    Member
    4513 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Is this a joke? No effing way!!!!!!

    My stepfather’s sister is married to a man who was recently (about 2 years ago) “busted” for child pornography. The FBI barged into his house and took all of their computers. This woman swears he was being set up (by who?!?! LOL) and that he’s innocent. Right now he’s sitting in prison for the next few years, but his wife is standing by his side in total denial.

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    1771 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @MrsPanda99: I think you’re right. I recall a documentary I saw about pedophilia. They interviewed a guy who said that being attracted to little girls is something he just can’t help. He knows it’s wrong and doesn’t act on it but it doesn’t change the fact that that’s what he’s attracted to. I couldn’t watch the whole program, it was awful, but I remember seeing that part.

    @TexasSpringBride: My daughter is five, so if I found out my husband was a pedophile, I’d GTFO in a heartbeat. No way I could put an innocent child at risk like that. And I’d cut off all communication with him, too. No support here. I’d hope that he’d find the help he needed, but he wouldn’t be getting it from me.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1235 posts
    Bumble bee

    I would report them asap and run the opposite direction.. (After testifying and making sure that they went to prison!)

    Post # 13
    Member
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @adoc86:  I am going to be a bit controversial here (are you surprised?). I don’t think porn always escalates. People look at weird shit online but that doesn’t mean they would do it. For example, I don’t think a man who watches baby-sitter roleplays is going to try and fuck the baby-sitter. While I don’t think it’s the best thing to be curious about, if something stays in the fantasy realm than I am not as fussed about it. 

    I have road rage and there are times I imagine punching other drivers in the face (or worse)…that doesn’t mean I actually would, lol.

    Post # 14
    Member
    10494 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    It really depends.

    I would be pissed that it was something that would have been hidden before we got married.  Is it someone who just had desires or someone who actually acted on them?  There’s a big difference there.

    It helps that at this stage I’m not planning on having kids.  If I stayed with someone like that, it would confirm that decision long-term for me.

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    2555 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    They’d either end up burried in the back yard or in jail….

    Post # 16
    Member
    1887 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @TexasSpringBride:  Absolutely not!  I can’t fathom it.  That other thread had me reeling as you already know.

    And to anyone out there who would consider staying with a pedophile, please do the research first. Pedophiles have consistently shown that they do not rehabilitate.  The vast majority never change and remain horrific threats to others throughout their entire lives.  Don’t be with a partner like that.

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