Post # 1
Okay, I decided to create a spinoff from another thread about new husbands behavior… Basically she found out her new hubby was secretly wearing diapers & soiling them rather than using the toilet. You can read up on that one here:
Totally blindsided by new husband's behavior – may be TMI
Anyhow, I told my FI about that thread & asked him what his opinion was… whether it was sexual or just an anxiety issue about using toilets. FI thinks the guy just cant go in toilets for whatever reason from his past, and needs to seek therapy to overcome the issue. FI also thinks that he probably hid it because he was embarassed, not to be deceptive.
But it got us talking… I said “babe, what would you do if I just suddenly told you after 4 years that I wear diapers secretly to use the bathroom?” & He said “I’d tell you we have to fix the issue, and seek out help for you to overcome it. Yea, itd be weird, but it wouldnt change my love for you, its something that can be fixed.”
I was SHOCKED. I for sure thought he would say he would flip out & call off the wedding. It really made me think that I am so lucky to have an understanding FI who really would be there by my side in the event that something embarassing were to happen.
SO anyways, I wanted to ask you bees…
Do you think your SO/FI would support you, and help you get your problem solved or would he flip out & want to split?
I know some bees on that last thread said they couldnt have sex with a man who wore diapers and would probably divorce. SO bees, what would your man do??? (Feel free to ask him the situation hypothetically)
Post # 3
I think it depends on where we are in our relationship when he found out. Right now, he’d stick with me and help me figure it out. Within the first year of our relationship I think he’d have split.
Post # 4
I asked DH the same thing. He basically said “meh, I’m a doctor, I don’t find it gross.” He said he would help me get it fixed. We’ve only been married a couple of months, but we’ve been together for years, so that must be why. He was much less shocked about that thread than I was.
Post # 5
I really don’t know what he would do. I think if he found out before we got married, it would potentially be a deal breaker. We’ve only been married for 12 days, but I think it would probably change his approach to find out now that we are husband and wife. I think he’d stick with me. The trouble is that he would likely have trouble trusting me (I think the integrity issue was the biggest one), but I think he’d work with me. And yes, it would take a lot of work.
I’m going to ask him when he gets home from work. We’ll see if I know him…lol.
Post # 6
I think a lot of bees will be shocked to see how supportive/unsupportive their spouses are:)
Post # 7
He said the only way he would leave me is if it was something I was unwilling to try and fix, and that’s the same thing I told him. Turning your back on your spouse when they need help is wrong, but if they won’t accept help or won’t change, you can’t make them, and then it’s a different ball game IMO.
Post # 8
@BlondeMissMolly: +1111111! FI agrees.
Post # 9
It would be intresting to see this poll men vs. women to see which sex would be more supportive.
Post # 10
I think he would stay with me as long as I was willing to work on it. If I wasn’t? I’m not sure. Honestly I don’t know if I could stay with a man who wore diapers and wasn’t willing to go to therapy to address the issue. For me it would come down to not being sexually attracted to him anymore. Maybe that sounds awful, but sex is very important in a relationship and I don’t know if I could get past that despite loving him otherwise.
Post # 11
@adoc86: If he wasnt willing to change, I dont know if I could stay. But if hes willing to get help, id love him through it:)
Post # 12
I know some people truly will stay with someone through better or worse, but I do have a short list of things that I just could not deal with :-/
Post # 13
@Barbiestylez: I think u have to support people you love… i know my SO has supported me through things like panic attacks and emotional things
i know i would do the same for him we love eachother and wanna grow stronger and be better people together …
i think those ppl sound harsh … ya that did sound gross but clearly he did it secertly for a while (i didnt read just guessing form whats been said) and she didnt know sounds like he kept him self clean
i mean god what if god forbid our SO’s got in a bad carcrash needed us to care for them … couldnt have sex or anything anymore do we still love them of course do they need help and support yes its the ame thing
Post # 14
I asked my SO and he said he wouldn’t leave me, but that he’d definitely make me get help to fix the problem. I am shocked that he said he wouldn’t leave me. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 🙂
Post # 15
I think we’d both be on the same page.
That sort of behavior and seeking help? We’d stick it out. Hopefully it wouldn’t be some prolonged multi-year thing, because that would be draining. Nonetheless we’d try.
Unwilling to get help? Nope. I’m not going to deal with someone who has any sort of issue and refuses help.
ETA: If it were a simple dating relationship I wouldn’t stay. But serious commitment, then yes I will.
Post # 16
I asked and he asked what the reason would be. He said if it was anything other than a medical condition that can’t be fixed, then he doesn’t think he could handle it.