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I wanna play... Ok people if you didnt get a invitation and we are just hi and by and you know exactly when the wedding is.... why would you say your wedding is June 4th and I still havent gotten an invite.. Ok..........1) you werent invited 2) you werent invited 3) how could you think you were invited 4) you were not invited
Dear Wedding Guest:
When the photographer says "Ok, now the bride and wedding party" he does NOT mean the bride with every child in attendance. Is your kid wearing a tux and cummerbund? No? Ok, then he's not in the wedding party. Now get him out of my photos and tell him to stop throwing things in the pond.
Dear "Wedding Guest" i.e. "Person who just kind of showed up:"
Who the hell are you? And if I have to ask this question...why are you even here?
Dear Guests,
Please don't steal the decorations.
And yes, there will be alcohol. Either enjoy or shut up.
Thanks for coming!
XO,
Amaryllis and Fiance
Dear Cousins
If I have not seen you since Clinton was president, no you are not invited to the reception. Times are hard and the budget is tight. I have co-workers I see more than you. Matter of fact, I SAW you in the store and smiled at you and you looked at me and turned away. YOU DON'T KNOW ME so NO I'm not having my FI spend money on you.
1) if it just your name on the invitation...then no, you cannot bring a random dude to the wedding....remember when I had a long heart to heart with you about this 6 months ago???
2) please stop telling me that you have "so many weddings this year, and it's getting annoying"...if you don't WANT to come....RSVP NO!
Dear guest,
Please stop inviting yourself to our wedding just so you can finally convince your partner to take a vacation in NYC.
Kthxbai.
Dear Wedding Guest/Friend of Family,
I have stopped giving you details regarding our wedding because you tell everyone about it. You proved an unreliable confidante when you told my FI I was wearing a strapless dress for the wedding and proceeded to talk about the details with him.
No love,
Me
Dear FMIL,
You are 50 years old, therefore, if you have to ask, "does this look like one of the BM dresses?" or "it's very tight...." when referring to potential FMIL dresses, maybe you should put it back on the rack. Better yet, head over to the MIL dress section and leave the BM dress section alone. Also, please stop telling your son about my wedding dress.
Love,
Me
Dear Guest,
Please review your RSVP card and note the requested response date. I sent you a STD several months ago, so when you got the invitation a month ago, it probably wasn't a surprise. Please fill out the requested information, put it in the self-addressed stamped envelope and put it in a mail box. I would love to have you celebrate us but don't want to chase you down in order to do so. Or not.
Dear FBIL,
I realize you live far away and your family is all in the wedding party. We are paying for everyone's apparel, so please don't call and ask for travel money. Prior to us setting a date, you were planning a week-long vacation to our area anyway. What happened to that money? In case you forgot, we are hosting cocktails, a sit down dinner, open bar and dancing for 130 people. Not a ton of cash floating around which is why we are waiting 6 months to take our honeymoon.
Dear Guests,
What ever happened to standing up for the bride's entrance? Only my 99 year old great-aunt and my FIL stood up when I entered the room...were the rest of you all enjoying the Chiavari chairs too much to get off your well-dressed butts? LOL.
Love, Me
Dear Great-Aunt Doris,
I am so impressed that, at 99 years old, you made it to my wedding and partied hard the whole time. However, the bread basket is generally kept away from open flames for a reason. If you wanted toast, I'm sure you could have requested it from the kitchen instead of setting the basket on fire ;)
Love, Me
@linguo42: bahahahaha! Hilarious about the bread on fire.
I wanna play.
Dear Former Supervisor:
You are normally so thoughtful and sensitive and appropriate, so this is a bit awkward. It's really nice you want to attend my wedding, and thanks so much for the "Good Luck" card at my going away party for when I got laid off. However, writing in the card "I can't wait for your wedding" is a little bit much. I'm not sure how to tell you that you aren't invited, seeing as how I don't work there anymore.... I guess you'll figure it out when you don't get an invite?
:awkward turtle:
Dear Guest
When we said no children, we didn't mean no children except your child who is so well behaved (by the way, your child is not well behaved at all).
@linguo42: My DH actually said "All rise" as I was walking down the aisle because he was appalled that no one was standing!
One more...
Dear Guest:
Thanks for forcing your boyfriend to bring you and your daughter unannounced. I'm so glad that you both decided to stand right next to us in the group shot for the photos, even though we never met you. You are embedded in our history forever. And now that you two broke up, that just makes it SO MUCH BETTER.
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Inspired by this post, what do you wish you could say to guests? Smile and bite your tongue in person; let it out here!