Spinoff- your so's friends and family?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper

Getting along with his friends and family certainly helps things. It’s just affirmation that you two mesh together. If you end up committing to each other, you will spend more time with his friends and family. 

Post # 3
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

What thread is this a spinoff from?

Post # 4
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Ap2010:  I think it is. My ex never introduced me to any of his friends. It created a huge mistrust between me and them because I knew they weren’t a good influence (and I was right, which is why he didn’t want me knowing any of them). My DH, when we first started dating, couldn’t wait to introduce me to his friends and family. It made the relationship easier to gauge what kind of people he hangs out with.

Post # 5
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

 

Ap2010:  I think it’s very important. My ex always tried to keep his friends and us seperate. so it was like he had an “escape” whenever he would go see them. I hated it and felt so unwelcome. I never felt like they supported us or our relationship. I felt like friends who were really his friends would want to meet the girl he supposedly loved. Going from being with someone who had friends and family that were kept pretty separate from me and who didn’t really have much in common with me to now being with someone that has a similar family to mine and friends that I really like, is like night and day. I now see how much easier it makes things.

Post # 6
Member
3200 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Ap2010:  I think it certainly helps matters. I don’t think it’s necessary, but it definitely helps. For what it’s worth, I don’t really get on with FI’s family. They are completely different than my family dynamic and the family I grew up with, so it’d been a learning curve for me to adapt to their way of thinking and their family life. I grew up with my family heavily involved in each others life and sharing things with one another and enjoying each others time. His family doesn’t even talk to each other or make an effort to see one another or even stay moderately intersted in each others lives. When we got engaged? Nada. Not even minor excitement at the prospect of free cake. 

Post # 7
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think its very important. To me, getting along with his friends and family mean that we’re right for each other.

Over the years his friends have become my friends and my friends have become his. We can hang out with each others friends and families comfortably and happily without each other. I couldn’t see a long-term relationship working without compatibility in these major areas.

 

Post # 8
Member
263 posts
Helper bee

It depends entirely how much you see friends and family together, really.

I spend very little time with my family, so it wouldn’t matter if my SO liked them or not. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who couldn’t be civil and polite to anyone on short visits, so it’s not an issue. However, if you’re very family oriented then it will just be a nightmare to spend your life around people you hate, however much you love your SO.

As for friends: it depends on how you socialise and where. Some couples unite their separate social circles (or have a combined one in the first place), so of course it matters whether you get on with them. However, if you socialise separately then it doesn’t really matter. Likewise, if you boyfriend always meets his mates in public then you don’t need to get along with them, but if they hang out at their homes a lot then you do.

Post # 9
Member
287 posts
Helper bee

I think it is important. With my ex, I always got a long well with his friends when we first started dating. Things changed though when they all met their SO’s and eventually got married. Those girls (for the most part) were bitches. I hated hanging out as a group because we somehow always seperated by gender. The guys would go out back to the garage or the basement or something and the girls would end up in the kitchen. I’d be stuck with mean girls who made snide comments and often talked about things they had done together that I wasn’t invited to. I always wished I could just go hang out with the boys, but it would have made things worse. My ex didn’t stick up for me though and would turn it into a fight if I didn’t go.

His family for the most part were great people, his Mom especially. But some of his family members were quite racist and homophobic. I put up with it at first, but eventually it occurred to me that I could be brining future children around talk like that.

 

 

Post # 10
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

DH and I met through mutual friends, so we have a shared circle of acquaintances. Not ALL of our friends overlap, but he’s met many/most of my friends who live in our city. I’m the same way with his people. My parents love him, although his parents’ attitude towards me … oi. Yeah, not so much, haha. (His youngest sister and I are very close, though, which is nice.)

I don’t think it’s ok for anyone’s partner to “hide” them unless it’s a really unusual arrangement (e.g. they’re a Third and introducing them around to the parents in Minnesota would make for an awkward Christmas). I also think friends who actively dislike one’s partner are, well, sometimes right and it’s worth taking that into consideration. But family not liking? There are so many reasons for this that I certainly wouldn’t call it a dealbreaker.

Post # 12
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Ap2010:  It IS super important to me, AND to my SO. Which is why it was an issue that the wife of one of his BFFs and I do NOT get along. Long story short, she’s a very self-centered and fake person. BUT his BFF and her have been married for like 10 years.

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