Spinoff/curious: Why did/do you want to have children?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We want children but we’re just not ready yet…. while there are many reasons we’ve considered having children I think that a part of me is fearful (and I know this might sound odd) that the pain of losing my parents one day will be that much greater if I don’t have children that I have to be strong for and live for and can reciprocate that bond with.

Post # 4
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

For me, deciding to have children was something conflicting.

Up until my early 20’s, I NEVER wanted kids. I knew this for a long time. Even as a small child, I did not like other small children. I had no interest in babies. I didn’t think they were cute, thought they were a nuissance and was mortified at the thought of all the stuff that comes along with kids. So part of me just “naturally” had no interest in kids.

Another thing that caused me to not want kids was the fact that at age 8, my parents split and my dad became our main parent. I essentially became “mom” to my younger brother. Cooked and cleaned and kept up the house while my dad worked. It SUCKED.

I met my now husband when we were 17. Up until we were in our early 20’s, we didn’t want kids. then one day he admitted that if I never wanted kids, we’d need to have a serious talk, because he was pretty sure he might want to have one some day. I had to take a long, hard look at what I wanted from life, and my reasons for wanting kids. Around that same time, I started to get that “maternal” feeling…where suddenly babies were kind of cute, and I could entertain the idea of being mom.

For me, it took a LOT of thinking though. Having the relationship I have with my DH was important in the decision to have kids. I didn’t have much faith in relationships until I met him.

As my maternal instinct started to get stronger, the decision to have a baby became easier. Somehow at that point I just knew I wanted a baby. I still thought about everything a ton and was worried that because of how I had previously felt about kids, that I wouldn’t be a good mom.

When it came down to it, I wanted to have a child because:

1. The biological clock was ticking and telling me HAVE BABIES. 2. I wanted to give a child everything I didn’t have.<br />3. Having a child with my husband, as it just felt like the next step in our lives.

When we did get pregnant with my now 2.5year old daughter, I jumped in with both feet. I put my everything into motherhood and was shocked at how much of a “natural” I was/am at it. I honestly felt like this was what I was meant to be doing. I’m surprised at how much I love being a mom. How fufilling it is. How all the things I percieved as being awful when I didn’t want kids, are actually pretty funny or not that bad.

…that being said, I am still not a huge fan of other people’s children. LOL

Now I don’ t know if that makes any sense to anyone else…it was honestly harder to put into words than I thought it would be…

Post # 6
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Rachel631:  Once you actually live with a baby/toddler, it’s surprising how smart, entertaining and awesome they are. Again, I tend to only feel that way about my child and a select few others.. lol It’s funny how even the most basic things (smiling, crawling, walking, talking, learning numbers & colors) are SO amazing when it’s your own child learning. There’s something really neat about watching a human from the beginning, learn about the world around them.

I now LOVE tiny, new babies. That seems universal now. After about 6 months though, I don’t have too much of an interest in other kids. I don’t even know how to interact with them–despite having my own and having no problem with her. It’s so odd.

I’m pregnant with our second child now, and I am really looking foward to all of the baby stuff again. Poo and all. haha.

Post # 7
Member
7265 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly why I wanted to have kids. I think the main thing is that family is important to me. Even though I have never been a person who goes gaga over babies, I knew that I wanted my own someday. Now that I have DD, I still don’t get googoo eyes over other babies. I really only like my own. Becoming a mom has been a really cool transformation. I never thought of myself as particularly maternal, and to see that trait develop in myself he instant she was born was awesome. I also have loved seeing my DH melt into a puddle of goo when she smiles at him.

Sure being a parent isn’t easy, and we don’t have time for all of the things we used to do when we didn’t have a baby, but that will change over time as she gets older. I have to say that one of the best things to come from having a baby for is has been getting to see the world through her eyes. We took her to the zoo for the first time, and it was so much fun getting to teach her things and watching her learn and see things for the first time. I’m looking forward to future vacations, holidays, and so many other life experiences with her.

Post # 8
Member
4072 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

It’s difficult to pinpoint why I want children (or perhaps just one child). I suppose there is a basic biological desire there. But I also just like children. I’m a primary school teacher, and I find kids fun. Not so keen on the teenage years, but they don’t last forever!

As much as I can see how lovely it would be to have the extra income and flexible schedule, I still cannot imagine myself not having a child. I want to be a mother, and I am excited to see my DH become a dad.

I admit I do feel guilty in a way when I think about having offspring of my own when there are already too many people on this planet. I’ve considered adoption or foster. After nannying two kids adopted from foster though, I just don’t think I am willing to take that on.

No matter what, I see us having at least one child. After a few years we may consider a second. And the reasons are simply because I desire to be in the mom role and nurture and guide a child into becoming a successful adult.

Post # 9
Member
3097 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

No children, but I can see the pros and cons as well… Though mostly cons so I’m interested in seeing others responses!

Post # 11
Member
4072 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Rachel631:  Yeah. As much as I’d love to help a kid in need – and have seen it done successfully – it’s just way too much of a challenge. Granted, I could end up with a biological child with severe needs. There are no guarantees.

Post # 12
Member
7265 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Rachel631:  I would never tell someone who didn’t want kids that it’s different when it’s your own. I always wanted to have kids, even though I’m not big on other people’s kids, so yes, for me it WAS different when it was my own. It might be different for someone who really doesn’t want kids in the first place.

Post # 13
Member
872 posts
Busy bee

My husband and I wanted children because, even though raising children comes with plenty of challenges, it also comes with a lot of rewarding moments as well. My husband and I both work with children and adults in our profession and we always seem to enjoy working with our younger clients more. They aren’t always jaded by the world or life experiences and we both find that refreshing. Children teach you a lot about yourself and allow you to tap back into your youth.  That isn’t to say that you can’t learn a lot about yourself without children or be young without children, but it is a different avenue to reach those parts of yourself. I suppose for my husband and I, we liked the idea of the challenge of raising a child.  We want to experience life as parents. To me it’s no different than those who chose to start a business or anything else you take on in your life; you will be faced with a lot of hard times, misery and moments where you just want to tap out, but the end goal is worth it to you, or you probably wouldn’t have started the journey in the first place. To me parenthood is a part of life I do want to experience.

Good topic!

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors