Post # 1
I was talking to my friends about this topic and it’s also affecting my own life. My friends all seemed to have different opinions so I’m curious about what you all think.
If someone is working more (say 60 hours vs. 40 hours), is it fair for the person who is working less to pick up more chores around the house? Or should the work schedule not affect anything?
Curious to see what bees think about this topic. And I’m also curious to hear about how you split the chores and what your work/school schedules are like.
Post # 3
I guess Fiance and I dont look at it in terms of working hours, but finances. He pays all the utility bills, because he hates cleaning, while I don’t mind cleaning and would rather keep my money, lol.
I think so long as things are equitable in a way that you and your partner agree on, then you should be good.
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
My husband works more than me so I do all the chores… It’s fair in theory but I really wish he’d pick up one or two. Soon I’ll be working as much as him, so I’m going to “make” him do half – fair is fair 😛
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2014 - Restaurant
I think it is very reasonable for the person who works less to take on more chores. Long work days are tiring and the last thing you want to do is clean the house. Neither partner should have to do EVERYTHING though, unless one person doesnt work at all.
That being said, I think women just take on more of the household workload in general (at least in my experience and talking to my friends). My FI seems to talk more about how we need to clean the floors, the bathrooms, this and that, than actually doing it on his own, lol. I have to ask him. We both work about equal though, maybe he works a few more hours than I do.
Post # 6
Definitely! My DH works INSANE hours (60-80 is pretty normal for him), so I did a HUGE majority of chores when I was still working! (Obviously I do all of them now that I’m not working!)
Post # 7
@MoonlitMagnolia: that’s interesting. We share finances so I can’t see that working for us but back when we didn’t share that is something u would consider! Right now DH and I are not agreeing on chores so I’m very curious about what others do and what works for them.
Post # 8
I work about 40 hours a week and my DH about 60. He also has his own business that he just started so he has had to put more hours into getting things running. I do mostly al lthe chores but I dont mind..I enjoy cleaning so I dont find it too much of a hassle. He still does a majority of the cooking so that is nice (I hate cooking) But I do all the laundry and the vacuuming and dishes. I work a 9 to 5 job so its alot easier for me to do all these things. Sometimes he offers to do some of the chores but I’m a perfectionist so I would rather do it myself LOL
Post # 9
I definitely think the person working less should do more chores! I’m a SAHM, so I do most of the domestic stuff- we are more old-fashioned that way!
Post # 10
I’m back in school and DH works 40 hours a week, plus he does some consulting work on the side that’s about 10 hours a week. I am back in school and I’m about to quit my job. So, I do most of the chores. DH had a couple of chores, but he didn’t do them to my standards, so I ended up doing them anyway half the time. His job was dishes, but he would leave them sitting there until we were running out of dishes then it would be this huge ordeal. It drove me nuts. I would rather just do them as they get dirty.
Post # 11
Assuming the person that worked more also brought home more money, it’s totally fair that the person that works less should do a bit more around the house. I mean, if you have 20 hours more a week where you’re not out of the house working, it only seems fitting to pick up more slack.
On the flip, what if the person who worked LESS made MORE. What’s “fair” there?
We work exactly the same (we work at the same place and car pool) and make aroudn the same. But I do more of the indoor housework, all the cooking, dishes is probably 60% me, all the vac, dragging the laundry down (he just helps with sorting and folding). However he does all the outside stuff, mowing, snow blowing, anything related to any of the equipment we own, reparis in the house, etc.
Post # 12
@pinkshoes: I feel like this is why our situation is difficult. The person who works more still ends up making less money or equal. It is just the way our careers are and we will probably never make the same amount if we work the same hours.
So in this situation, do you think chores should still be spilt evenly because we make about the same? What if someone makes less but works more? Should the person who makes less still do more chores because they make less money?
*sigh* I guess we’re should just chalk it up to life not being fair and try to work something out without focusing on if it’s fair.
Post # 13
We don’t do it by who makes more money, we do it by work hours. DH works crazy long days (60-80 a week) so he’s rarely ever home to even do any chores! However, he is also very very messy and even with the small time he does relax at home, he certainly doesn’t make it easy for me. I’m letting him off the hook now, but if his schedule calms down i forsee problems because he doesn’t believe in “community chores” like mopping or vacuuming because he “didn’t make the mess”. *rolls eyes*
Post # 14
I spend more time away from home than he does because I spend over 2 hours a day commuting, but we both split things like cooking, laundry (to each their own) and dishes. Every weekend I clean all of the floors, bathroom, dust, etc. and I always tend to sort the recycling. He does the compost every week, trash, outdoor stuff, and usually has a house project going on to improve heat efficiency (insulating, sealing windows, etc.). He always does the mowing, but in winter we both shovel and in fall we both did raking. I expect that now that the weather is colder, he’ll do more in the house to help me too, but I think I’m a little territorial now and I don’t know if I necessarily want him to lol. I’d love for him to organize the basement but we’ll see if I can swing that 🙂
Post # 15
@MrsBeck: If someone is home more, they should do more. Keep in mind though that the chores that matter to you may not matter to him at all, but you have to reach a compromise. If you do anything for him like laundry or ironing, I’d stop. Guys can do this on their own or if he wants you to, he should be doing more somewhere else in the line of chores to help you. Maybe ask him how often he thinks things need to be cleaned and work out a timeline compromise between the two of you. Make sure it’s some things that he can do each day that helps instead of expecting him to give up part of a day off to do it all.
I know you mentioned hours worked, but if someone makes more/less than the other but work the same I wouldn’t take that into consideration at all. If I made more than FH (we make about the same, but with the right job I could), I wouldn’t tell him he should do more around the house then because I think that is totally emasculating. I also don’t expect him to want me to do more because I’m a woman, but there are certain things I like to do more than he does. Personally, I’d rather clean a bathroom than deal with trash. I’d also rather bake than grill. It is what it is 🙂
Post # 16
@MrsBeck: I think time is a more fair currency than dollars brought home. Just cause one has to work more hours and still make less or the same money, they shouldn’t be punished for their career path. They are working just as hard at what they do regardless of what they make. If my husband suddenly found a job that paid him the same or even more and only required him to work say half of what he does now and he sat on his ass until I came home and then expected me to do all the cleaning and stuff, I think there’d be hell to pay and a discussion about it real fast.