- 3 years ago
- Wedding: November 2014
So FI and I have been together for 2 1/2 years and have really been struggling with splitting up the holidays. I was wondering if anyone has any advice/stories or similar situations to this. Im started to get extremely frustrated and I dont want to fight with my FI over any of it. <br /><br />Few fun facts about our situation:
-FI parent are divorced<br />-FI family does not have big gatherings for holidays. ( we Just visit his mom alone, or visit his father and his sister)<br />-FI dads family is small so there arent really holiday gathers. FI mothers family is big, except they all fight and every day someone is mad at someone else and not speaking to each other so they dont have get together and if they do have get together people are yelling, fighting and breaking things. <br />-We see FI farents a few times a month for dinner or to visit because they live close to us<br />-My parents are still married<br />-My family has big holiday gatherings (aunts, uncles, cousins and their significant others, siblings, grandparents usually 20+ people) <br />-My family is big and roudy (in a fun way) they get together a jok, and drink and play games and NO ONE fights. <br />-We dont see my parents or siblings often, maybe once every 3-4 months because they live further away. <br /><br />My FI and I started splitting up holidays 3 ways since his parents are divorced which makes things even harder because we have so many people to see. So we started alternating holidays between people, my family got thanksgiving (which his father, sister, grandmother, and uncle all attended), his father got christmas, and his mother gets “regular” easter and my family gets the Greek Orthodox easter. Except this year the regular easter and greek easter fell on the same weekend. FI promised his mother easter before speaking to me and not realizing it was on the same day this year. The only problem with this is that I see my family even less than we do now since we only see them once every 3-4 months as it is we only see them for 1 maybe two holidays a year depending on how the alternating of holidays falls. I guess in my mind I am frustrated having to spend a holiday with just his mother since we see her for dinner at least once a month as it is, and I feel like I am missing out on seeing my extended family. Since I dont see them often its nice to at least see 20+ members of my family all at once rather than just one person on a holiday. My FI mother is also not happy with only having us for one holiday. FMIL is a very volatile person and spends holidays alone if we dont see her, no one in her family gets alone because they are all selfish and fight. FI feels guilty that she spends holidays on her own (even though its technically her own fault) so he agrees to her before speaking with anyone else. <br /><br />We have only seen my grandmother ONCE in two years and we see his grandmother once every 3 months or so, which is about as often as we see my parents. We see his family much more than mine so in a way I feel like my family should get dibs on more holidays. Am I wrong? Weve tried to combine holidays too. We invited his father over for thanksgiving with my extended family, and now my fiances mother is coming over for easter. The holidays I do get with my family are spent having to entertain his parents or extended family and not actualy visiting with mine and in a way its giving his family even more holiday time because they get their “alone” holidays with us and get to visit us on my parents designated holidays because they come over to my parents. <br /><br />My parents dont request or demand extra time outside of the alloted holidays they get with us because they understand how hard and frustrating it can be to dole out holiday time to everyone. This makes me feel like my family gets taken for granted because they are less needy an in a way get brushed to the side to deal with more difficult family members like my FMIL or FFIL. My FI mother however, if she misses a holiday with us because it’s being spent with my family or FI dad….she will make sure we come over either the day before or the day after so she can see us for every holiday. My parents and his dad dont demand this since it pretty much negates the whole purpose of splitting up holidays, but I think its unfair that shes technically getting every holiday she wants, sees us regularly, and the holiday she doesnt get she still gets to see us within a few days of the holiday to celebrate.
On thanksgiving this year (my parents designated holiday in which my FI father, fi fathers girlfriend, fi sister, fi sisters boyfriend, uncle and grandmother all attended) my FI had to coach a football game. Long story short she left 15 min before the end of the game isntead of leaving earlier. Got lost. Blamed him for the fact that she was alone on thanksgiving (even though she knew it wasnt her holiday and she chose to go to the game and she chose to go to the game late) she then texted me rude things about me and my family. My issues with my FMIL are a lot bigger than just holidays too. We dont even have kids and wont for a long time and shes already lectuing me on how to raise them, what to do during pregnanct etc. Shes lectured me on wedding decisions, shes declared shes paying for certain things that my parents are handling without speaking with my parents. Shes not paying for the rehersal bar because she wants to be difficult with FFIL, and on and on with other various things.
<br />I guess I basically feel like my family gets jipped on holidays and time spent with us because they are less needy, but maybe im just being a biatch/child/greedy etc and just need to suck it up and go with what his family wants. ugh.