Splitting up the holidays

posted 2 weeks ago in Holidays
Post # 2
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

There is no right or wrong here.  Is there a reason her dad only visits over Christmas?  Does he have extra time off? Would he be on his own otherwise?  

Post # 3
Member
974 posts
Busy bee

Can her Dad come with you two to your parents for the holidays?

Post # 6
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Syerus :  I mean I do understand his point a bit.  Do you two visit him through the year or does he only see his daughter at Christmas?  Why do you have to go to your families house specifically, can you not host a small get together with everyone? 

Post # 8
Member
273 posts
Helper bee

Seems to me like you’re trying to compromise but your wife and father aren’t. I get wanting to spend as much time with him as possible, however him saying that you shouldn’t spend time with your family on Christmas because you can see them whenever isn’t fair. Christmas is an important holiday for a lot of families and isn’t the same as seeing family “whenever.”

Personally I’d insist on having some sort of compromise. My SO and I spend Christmas Eve with his family and Christmas Day with my family, which works for us. My sister alternates Christmases between her FI’s family and ours. Most couples have some sort of compromise. 

Also if I were in your position I wouldn’t love that my SO implied their family was too upper class for my family…

Post # 9
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Have him over Christmas day and you step out 3-4 hours to see your family alone?

My FI has divorced parents and I have my own family so sometimes it’s necessary to see our families seperate on holidays when stuff like thanksgiving dinner is happening at the same time for multiple families.

Post # 11
Member
9 posts
Newbee

Why can’t you go see your family without her? Presumably (based on her argument), your wife sees your parents frequently throughout the year. To me, it’s understandable that if she only sees her dad 4 or 5 days a year, she would want to spend all 4 or 5 of those days with him. It’s unfortunate that those days coincide with Christmas, but it appears that’s the way it is. It seems like your family gets much more time than hers, so that’s something that you should keep in mind when trying to negotiate this with her. It also seems there are two reasonable compromises on the table but you don’t like either: You could go alone for part of Christmas Day or Christmas Eve, or you could go with your wife a couple days later when her father has left. Lots of families don’t celebrate the holiday on the actual day and it makes no difference. You don’t seem to want to make either of these compromises, you just want her to make the compromise. Just something to think about…

Post # 12
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Honestly, I understand his/her reasoning for seeing her dad every Christmas. That being said, being married is about compromise – and I think your solution of everyone celebrating the holiday together (in your very specific case) is the way to go.

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