Post # 1
This last week my 3 yo nephew stayed with me, at my parent house. Since I was on vacation I was babysitting the all time.
I already had a notion that he was kind of spoiled from the afternoons I played with him, but now that I see him day and night I’am really worried about him and his education.
For exemple, he doesn’t understand any limits, the NO doesn’t work and whenever we contradict him he cries and screams and throws his toys everywhere. He doesn’t understand other opinions, and of course everything as to be as and when he wants it or else… I feel like an awfull person, but after one day I was already sick of his behavior.His grandmother doesn’t understant she says “He’s the most sweet boy ever!” or excuses him saying “he is just sleepy crancky” and does everthing he wants just to make him stop crying because “he will stop loving us and will not want to stay with us again”.
Bummer… I was hoping that I could give him some care, and try to revert some of the bad behavior now that he is away from his parents, but silly me…
Especially bothers me and he doesn’t say Thank you or please, only “I want”, “I have”, “stop” and that bothers to hell, somethings I just want to slap him a bit (I didn’t, of course).
My sister in law says that becase it’s not my child and I don’t have children yet, I don’t know what the hell I’m saying and I don’t understand.
My question, is should I address them today when they come to pick him up? Should I tell them what his behaviour is like and they should take care of giving him some education and limits instead of just giving everything he wants just to shut him up?
I’m afraid my mother and my brother will turn on me, and prevent me from seeing my nephew more times… I love him very much, and I just wish to him become good person. Should I not interfere?
Post # 2
You’re totally right, but don’t interfere.
ETA: some of his behavior is pretty normal for a 3 year old. They don’t like being told no!
Post # 3
This sounds like pretty normal 3 year old behavior. My 3yo daughter hates hearing the word no. She literally screams. At the thought of you telling her no. I remain firm & never give in to the tantrums because that will only make things worse.
I wouldn’t interfere. Let your brother & SIL handle their kid.
Post # 4
I know the normal behavior of a 3 yo, but in this age he is testing the limits, he does stuff and then looks to the person with him for disaproval, and of course when you say no to something he/she wants there will be some tantrums. But because his parents seem to give him everything he wants just as he starts to cry, he learned that crying gives him what he wants… whatever he wants. Yesterday I cooked his lunch and he didn’t want it because he wanted pizza, he trows his food on the floor and laughed when I told him that was wrong. What did my mother do? guess… pizza.
But yes… you are probably right I should stay out of it.
Post # 5
I just wouldn’t babysit anymore for awhile maybe until the kid is a little older. I don’t have kids, but the worst thing you could do is tell a parent how to do their job. If they ask I wouldn’t lie about the behavior…but I’m sure they are already aware.
Post # 6
lsimpson: the food throwing is pretty bad and would never fly with me (I was a nanny). But still, nothing good will come of telling your brother he’s raising a spoiled chid.
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2014 - Baby #2 due Sep 2017
lsimpson: Woah! He would have gone without dinner if he’d thrown the dinner on the floor on purpose!
But sadly it’s not your problem. I know your heart is in the right place, but it could escalate to a row and they might keep him from seeing you..
I’m sure they know he’s being naughty (though they’ll be embarassed to admit it to you), and they’ll figure something out in the future. But he is in the testing phase, so he’ll grow out of defying ‘no!’ eventually.. hopefully..
Post # 8
Perhaps you could suggest they speak to your mother about what she’s doing. So it’s more suggesting she’s encouraging the bad behavior and not them, also probably contradicting you in front of him (assuming you had started to punish him before she gave him pizza).
Buy I’m not a parent so I’m not sure of that is a good idea or not.
Post # 9
- Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN
Unfortunatly, you’re not the parent, so there’s nothing you can do, other than have rules when he’s staying with you or don’t watch him.
Post # 10
Give the parents some examples of behavior. Most likely, they will ask how it went. But do not tell them they should change their parenting, give him limits, etc.
And the fact is, until you have had one, you do imagine yourself as doing so much better than the parents you see. It does change a lot once you have one.
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
You will only piss off your brother and his wife if you try to tell them what they’re doing wrong in raising their child. It won’t do any good and it will possibly hurt your relationship.
What you can do is:
1. Say no to babysitting
2. Report on his behavior. For example, “Well, it wasn’t a great night. Jimmy threw his food, which is obviously unacceptable, and when I gave hima a time out he screamed….” whatever. If your personal rules are clear and you’re not being judgemental, just reporting the facts, it will be taken better than if you complain or try to “teach” the parents
3. Implement consistent rules when you are in charge. This seems like it will be difficult, however, when your parents are undermining the rules and giving in.
Otherwise, stay out of it.
Post # 12
YES you say something. But do NOT tell them what he is like as a child, only tell them what he was like with you. Does that make sense? Don’t make generalisations about what he is like normally, only give specific examples of what he was like with you. That’s all you are entitled to talk about and if you act innocent (I can’t believe what he did, I was so shocked!) then you aren’t the bad guy and they are informed. That’s all you can do.
Also, remember that grandparents, should their grandchild set the house on fire, whilst their parents freak out, will be saying “Yes, but look how evenly the fire is burning, he’s so talented to have lit a fire like that.” 😛
Post # 13
I am not excusing or doubting that even at the age of three your nephew may have behavioral problems, but keep in mind that some children do not do well with transitions. He may have been acting out because he was not with someone he was used to or because he was upset to be left.
I would describe in neutral terms some of what went on, so that they are informed, but draw no conclusions. He may be spoiled, but there also may be more going on with him that you don’t know.
Post # 14
I think you’ve said what you can and you should keep quiet. You think your brother is unaware of what’s going on? He doesn’t live in the house with his own kid? I also don’t think that any revelation you have to bestow upon your brother and his wife will suddenly make them see that you are right and immediately change their entire child rearing philosphy? Besides he’s 3 this is pretty normal, I just spent a week at the beach with my nieces and one had a meltdown because we wouldn’t let her pool condo until she put her water wings on. She’s 3 and doesn’t like the word no, she tests limits and tries to get away with what she can.
Post # 15
lsimpson: I don’t think you need to tell your brother. I’m guessing he already knows. Probably the best thing you can do for parents of a three year old is offer to babysit, which you are sweetly already doing. They’ll sort this out or deal with the consequences, but you have no control over it.