Spoiled nephew, should I tell my brother?

posted 2 years ago in Parenting
Post # 2
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

You’re totally right, but don’t interfere.

ETA: some of his behavior is pretty normal for a 3 year old. They don’t like being told no!

Post # 3
Member
27 posts
Newbee

This sounds like pretty normal 3 year old behavior. My 3yo daughter hates hearing the word no. She literally screams. At the thought of you telling her no. I remain firm & never give in to the tantrums because that will only make things worse.

I wouldn’t interfere. Let your brother & SIL handle their kid. 

Post # 5
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I just wouldn’t babysit anymore for awhile maybe until the kid is a little older. I don’t have kids, but the worst thing you could do is tell a parent how to do their job.  If they ask I wouldn’t lie about the behavior…but I’m sure they are already aware.  

Post # 6
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

 

lsimpson:  the food throwing is pretty bad and would never fly with me (I was a nanny). But still, nothing good will come of telling your brother he’s raising a spoiled chid.

Post # 7
Member
1899 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2

lsimpson:  Woah! He would have gone without dinner if he’d thrown the dinner on the floor on purpose!

But sadly it’s not your problem. I know your heart is in the right place, but it could escalate to a row and they might keep him from seeing you..

I’m sure they know he’s being naughty (though they’ll be embarassed to admit it to you), and they’ll figure something out in the future. But he is in the testing phase, so he’ll grow out of defying ‘no!’ eventually.. hopefully..

Post # 8
Member
710 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Perhaps you could suggest they speak to your mother about what she’s doing. So it’s more suggesting she’s encouraging the bad behavior and not them, also probably contradicting you in front of him (assuming you had started to punish him before she gave him pizza).

Buy I’m not a parent so I’m not sure of that is a good idea or not.

Post # 9
Member
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

Unfortunatly, you’re not the parent, so there’s nothing you can do, other than have rules when he’s staying with you or don’t watch him.

Post # 10
Member
1133 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Give the parents some examples of behavior. Most likely, they will ask how it went. But do not tell them they should change their parenting, give him limits, etc.

And the fact is, until you have had one, you do imagine yourself as doing so much better than the parents you see. It does change a lot once you have one.

I

Post # 11
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

You will only piss off your brother and his wife if you try to tell them what they’re doing wrong in raising their child. It won’t do any good and it will possibly hurt your relationship. 

What you can do is:

1. Say no to babysitting

2. Report on his behavior. For example, “Well, it wasn’t a great night. Jimmy threw his food, which is obviously unacceptable, and when I gave hima a time out he screamed….” whatever. If your personal rules are clear and you’re not being judgemental, just reporting the facts, it will be taken better than if you complain or try to “teach” the parents

3. Implement consistent rules when you are in charge. This seems like it will be difficult, however, when your parents are undermining the rules and giving in. 

Otherwise, stay out of it.

Post # 12
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

YES you say something. But do NOT tell them what he is like as a child, only tell them what he was like with you. Does that make sense? Don’t make generalisations about what he is like normally, only give specific examples of what he was like with you. That’s all you are entitled to talk about and if you act innocent (I can’t believe what he did, I was so shocked!) then you aren’t the bad guy and they are informed. That’s all you can do. 

Also, remember that grandparents, should their grandchild set the house on fire, whilst their parents freak out, will be saying “Yes, but look how evenly the fire is burning, he’s so talented to have lit a fire like that.” 😛 

 

Post # 13
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I am not excusing or doubting that even at the age of three your nephew may have behavioral problems, but keep in mind that some children do not do well with transitions. He may have been acting out because he was not with someone he was used to or because he was upset to be left.

I would describe in neutral terms some of what went on, so that they are informed, but draw no conclusions.  He may be spoiled, but there also may be more going on with him that you don’t know. 

Post # 14
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think you’ve said what you can and you should keep quiet.  You think your brother is unaware of what’s going on? He doesn’t live in the house with his own kid?  I also don’t think that any revelation you have to bestow upon your brother and his wife will suddenly make them see that you are right and immediately change their entire child rearing philosphy?  Besides he’s 3 this is pretty normal, I just spent a week at the beach with my nieces and one had a meltdown because we wouldn’t let her pool condo until she put her water wings on.  She’s 3 and doesn’t like the word no, she tests limits and tries to get away with what she can. 

Post # 15
Member
7211 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

lsimpson:  I don’t think you need to tell your brother. I’m guessing he already knows. Probably the best thing you can do for parents of a three year old is offer to babysit, which you are sweetly already doing. They’ll sort this out or deal with the consequences, but you have no control over it. 

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