Spouse reluctant to discuss budget

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 3
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I would give both of you a cash allowance every week and then handle all of the money yourself. If you come to a problem, discuss it with your DH.

Post # 4
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@anonbee06:  Well at least he is not opposing anything, so that is good!  Sounds like he just needs to really live this new lifestyle to really understand how it will affect him.  Right now he sounds unaware or not worried.  Perhaps he’s an “in the now” kind of guy.

My H is not interseted in seeing my fancy pants spreadsehets that I’ve spent 15 years perfecting (I’m very proud of them).  I instead make H a visual graph once a month and email it to him.  We get paid on the first of the month and only once, so a graph showing the end of month tallies works out perfectly.

It looks like this for that specific month, plus a guestimation of what is in the checking for future months (*disclaimer: number may or may not be real).  THis report seems to suffice for H.


Post # 6
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Sorry but he needs to have the discussion with you whether he wants to or not. It isn’t fair to you. What is going to happen if you don’t talk about it is that he will continue spending as usual and YOU will be the one running around scrimping, saving and pinching pennies because they won’t be there. ALL of the financial stress will be on you and it will wear on you at some point. If ever a couple needs to be on the same page, this is it.

Post # 7
4638 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@anonbee06:  As long as he sticks to it and you don’t mind being in charge of it, I don’t see it being a huge issue. My FI is in charge of everything, we sit down and talk about it every once and awhile but I don’t need a play-by-play.

Tell me what I can spend, what to transfer for bills, and briefly review our investments/ savings with me every once and awhile. That’s all I need to know. Numbers confuse me, I have different responsibilities in our household.

Post # 9
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@anonbee06:  Have you expressed to him that you are nervous/anxious about your guys’ spending when the new housing situation starts?  And by talking in engaged discussings with you, this will calm some of that anxiety?

Basically have you used this basic formula:

“I feel XYZ.  I can feel better if you ABC.  Can you do that for me?”

Sometimes guys need to hear your needs spelled out to a T.


Post # 11
15 posts

I don’t even live with my SO and I’m on him about the budget, doing pretty much everything you’re doing, packing lunches, keeping everything in check. The only thing I’m really trying to get him to do on his own is keep a ledger of everything he spends. I think having to physically input it into a spreadsheet will make him more aware of what he spends, and the laziness of not wanting to put it on the spreadsheet might even keep him from spending it in the first place. Some bees might say he needs to take equal share in this, but some people are just better predisposed to this than others. You do the budget, he does the dishes. Everything balances itself out. No reason for a half-eager less efficient participant to be forced to do something that doesn’t interest him or that he isn’t good at just for the sake of sharing responsibilities. I think your 3 point plan sounds perfect. 

Post # 12
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

In every relationship there is usually one spender and one saver.  I am the saver and because of that I am in charge of the budget.  Number 1 there has to be a budget to work within a budget.  Spending money as you please is only going to end up biting you in the ass, especially if you are moving into a new place with new expenses that are more than what you’re used to.

The <$5 charges add up quickly as you can tell and he needs to stop that now.  Maybe it means sending an extra snack or soda with him to work but that’s way cheaper than a snack/soda bought at the office.

If he won’t see reason, it may be worth it to let it go for a month or two so tha tthe money does run out and he sees that you need to budget your money.

Post # 13
3623 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@anonbee06:  Do you need a budget? Not everyone does. What DH and I did was say that we would both check on our bank accounts (normally every other week). If we are spending too much, then we will know about it.

DH would not do well with an allowance, cash or otherwise. I would also not take that well. At all. What does work is when he says “Dude, what have you been charging? Your Visa bill is sky high!”, then I check and say “oops, better lay off of the Starbucks” or “Dude, you were ordering stuff off of my Amazon account. That is why it is so high”. For us, it saves so many fights and resentment.

Post # 14
2878 posts
Sugar bee

My FI has never done a budget in his life. When he started college in September, it worried me so I made a budget according to what he was getting as far as loans and scholarships. Turns out that when calculating everything, he would get into debt 700$ PER MONTH. I showed him the sheet and he got a bit irritated. He never had to worry about money before becoming a student (he has been working for the past 15 years), I think he never realized how his choices could affect his finances and he *didn’t want to know*.

The debt argument was what made him want to keep track of his money. It took us several days figuring out what we could do, then last week I came up with a budget that ended up with him getting 15$ into debt each month. This is of course temporary, because the budget is aimed to reduce his CC debt (money his father owes him and has accepted to repay each month). We can hope in a few months, that FI’s budget will be positive. 

Sometimes it’s a harsh reality for people to be confronted to what they possess/what they owe and sometimes it’s not exactly what you had hoped it would look like. But there’s no better way for turning your finances around and changing your habits toward a better situation than taking control over your finances, and that means having a budget at least to track expenses and anticipate savings. It’s easy to say ”I’ll just put savings whenever I feel like it/ if I have money left after shopping”, but a budget is actually like setting a goal : every month, I’ll save X$ more and carry X$ less in debts.

It’s so rewarding to see your progress at the end of the year ! 🙂


Post # 15
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014
Post # 16
5162 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think that putting both of you on a cash allowance is a very good idea.  Someone who is spending $250/month on snacks and only thinks they are spending $20/month is WAY out of touch with their spending habits!  Cash will help him make the connection.

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