(Closed) Spouses of Medical Students…support forums?? Other forums are mean!!

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Well, SO is in flight school which is essentially the same thing, just another area of study! I’ll support you! What are your concerns?

Post # 4
1925 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree, some other forums can be really weird!  There are quite a few bees on here that are partners of people in the medical profession or are in the medical profession themselves.  My Fiance is in his third year of medical school and while it has been a bit of a challenge, I love it.  Living with someone who loves what they do inspires me.  However, there can be rough times too, like when I don’t see him for a couple of days even though we live together.  Anyway, if you ever want to chat, PM me!  πŸ™‚

Post # 6
326 posts
Helper bee

Hi I’m in medical school at the moment, only the first year. And I can say that a lot of the guys have crazy power issues, it’s a little insane. I don’t know how different it is in the US compared to Europe but for the first few years I don’t think that it will be too different than being with anyone else who’s in full time education. 

Post # 7
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Hey there πŸ™‚ I am in medical school as well, and marrying this summer after my first year a guy who is sooo not in medical school.  He is a high school math teacher.  We stayed together for the entire year so far, got engaged, and I feel like I still love him more and more each day!  Feel free to pm me with any concerns or questions you have, I know I am sort of on the opposite end as you, but if nothing else I can always give you some insight about his side of things!  Here’s a little overview of how med school has been for me thus far, as well as maintaining a great relationship.  Keep in mind that we lived together through the whole thing, but since you will be married I am assuming this will be the same case for you πŸ™‚ 

-When school first started, neither one of us had no clue what to expect or how things were going to go.  My school started with anatomy, and I sort of hit the ground running as fast as I could because the number one advice that people gave me was to not get behind.  I went to class in the morning, then usually started studying immediately after class was over & a quick lunch break.  The only nice thing about med school is you actually do have quite a bit of time, you just have to figure out how to budget the time wisely so you get enough studying in as well as activities that are not med-school related to keep you sane.  I don’t know how his med school will be, but we often had class/lab in the morning 8-12, and afternoon things twice a week.  So 3 times a week, we were finished at noon, & if I started studying right away, I could get in 8 good hours of studying with a lunch and dinner break before bed time.  On weekends, I tried to not sleep in *too* much at first, because if I was up and studying by 8 or 9, I knew I could study hard all day & do something at night, like go out to dinner & then meet mutual friends out after.  MOST important thing a med student has to figure out is how to budget time & not waste (too) much of it.  

-At first, I won’t lie, things were pretty tough.  I was un-necessarily stressed out, & my boyfriend at the time didn’t really know how to handle it.  He tried to be supportive as much as possible but I was kind of a complainer & seriously got stressed way too easily.  I was definitely being my own worst enemy, and the only thing that SO knew how to do was tell me that I was freaking out too much & he believed in me & I would be fine.  This wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear though, so we had to have a few talks about him being supportive & how.  Basically, I had to tell him that I didn’t really like medical school because it was taking away so much time from the stuff I used to be able to do whenever.  I told him that I am sure that when I am finished with school, I will be glad I did it, but in the here & now, he can’t just expect me to be rainbows & butterflies all the time.  He was just upset because I didn’t seem happy, but I had to tell him that I was definitely not unhappy with him, because if it weren’t for him, I would have been a total wreck in school & he was the only reason I was holding it together.  Best thing I told him he could do is just be there for me, hug me when I cry, tell me everything will be ok, he will love me no matter what happens or what kind of grades I get, & recognize when I am extra stressed & try to do some extra things for me, even if its do the dishes or cook dinner while I am studying, or pick up some frappucinos from the grocery store on his way home from school.  Once he figured out it was simple as that, he has been AMAZING. It took a while and a few tests for me to figure out that some are good & some are really bad, medical school is like a big rollercoaster of emotions & grades haha.  

-Best thing I can say for you is hang in there & try to be as supportive as possible.  No one but medical students actually know how hard it is, but I have seriously been making it through because my fiancee is amazing & he now understands that no matter what happens or how I feel at the time, if he is just there with a hug, kiss, & frappucinos, it makes me instantly feel better.  He is my outlet to distract me from school with something happy & I have said it once, but I will say it again, I seriously could not have done it thus far without him.  School will fly by and before you know it he will be done with the first 2 years and onto the wards, which I have heard, people actually get a little bit of their life back haha (assuming his med school is structured the same as mine).  All the guys in my class seem to be so much more chill than the girls anyways, so it will probably be fine.  Just set aside time for you & him & cherish it, & the words I love you, I’m sorry, you can do this, etc. are crucial as well.  I live for every night when I get to go to bed & cuddle up to my babe, & wake up to him every morning.  Don’t stress too much, you will be fine & med school will be over before you know it, then you will be married to a doctor!  Nice catch πŸ˜‰ 

Post # 8
21 posts
  • Wedding: November 2012

A great resource for Med School Wives is a blog called “The Lives of Doctor’s Wives” — I love reading it and they link to other women’s blogs based on their spouse’s area. You have blogs from wives of first year students all the way up to a spouse of a doctor completing his ortho fellowship (And everything in between!)


My SO is in his 2nd year of medical school and I have to say that all the stuff I read on the Internet forums and everything I was told didn’t up being true for us. I don’t want to make it sound like it’s all roses — it isn’t. There are very real moments that will test your relationship. The best advice that I can give you is to always be supportive — even when it’s hard! Your SO will make time for you and it’s not 24/7 on-call duty like on TV. It’s totally different! Everyone really scared me when we started this journey and I have to say that while figuring it out on my own was nerve-racking, our experience has been great so far! In this career field, you have to be flexible and resilient. Keep your girlfriends close — they will be your saving grace! Get involved with a volunteer organization and dive into your hobbies! All of those things can be rearranged and scheduled around his time. Enjoy your time together and enjoy the other things around you too!

I hope this helps!

Post # 9
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Definitely join the wives’ club! It’s been keeping me sane for this past year. After the first couple of months… It’ll still suck, but you’ll slowly get more used to it.

Post # 10
16 posts

Hi πŸ™‚ I am a newbie to this site. The reason I decided to post on here is because I agree the other medical relationship forums are mean! My “significant other” is doing his first year of residency, I am the non-medical person going to an art shool on the graduate level. Things have been really wonderful since we met, and I was impressed with how much effort he put in despite his insane schedule. The only way I can understand the amount of pressure he is under is because my brother is in medical school also.

Recently, his schedule has become much worse and he says it is wearing him down. I am starting to worry because I have this irrational fear that I feel like if I don’t do something I could lose him. I know that sounds pretty silly. I really dislike his schedule, but I am willing to put in the extra effort because in my opinion it’s not every day you meet someone as caring and wonderful. I’d really like to hold on to this one haha.

I am feeling pretty insecure right now as this schedule is testing me & him as well. The worst thing I could do is run away when things get rough… Anyway, it would be nice to have some positive feedback/support, it would be very helpful!! Thanks!

Post # 11
36 posts

My boyfriend is going to medical school 4 hours away in August… I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’m freaking out!!!  I think the hardest part will be that a lot of the LDR tricks won’t really work for us, because he won’t have the time to spend hours on skype or visit all the time.  We have to work around his test schedule and my schedule as well (I’m an undergrad, finishing my last year and very involved with a sorority) for visits. It’s hard to find support for this on the internet, a lot of what I see is SO discouraging! Especially since I think a lot of medical students are so career minded, they can’t really relate to the relationship thing because they’d never consider being in one until after med school. 

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