Post # 1
I hate the idea of a stag and doe. In fact, I’ve never heard of such a thing until I met Fiance and he explained it to me. It just sounds like a cash grab to me. I’m pretty sure it’s a regional thing cause they sure don’t happen in my hometown!
Anyway, now that we are engaged, his family is all excited and have already started planning the party. I don’t want to be rude to my future in-laws and refuse to attend, but I think the whole party is kinda rude too.
Where do I go from here?
Post # 3
Isn’t it usually friends who plan it and not family?
I would tell your Fiance how you feel about it and he can tell them that the two of you would prefer to not have a stag & doe.
Post # 4
They are called “socials” where I live, and every bride and groom have them. Personally, I hate the idea. Everyone is asking when ours is, and they are alot of work to plan, and we would be doing it all on our own. They are to raise money for your wedding…and I really dont feel like planning a wedding AND another big party.
Post # 5
My Fi and I are having one, and you’re right, they are stressful!
I think they are a regional thing – everyone I know from home has had one, but when I went to Thunder Bay for university, no one had heard of it!
Post # 6
Where in Ontario do you live? I have never met a person who 1) Had not heard of a stag and doe and 2) Had such distain for them.
Not being snarky just never met anyone who hadn’t heard of them let alone calling them a cash grab. I mean no one calls a bridal shower “present whore day” LOL but lets face it no one goes to a shower without bringing a present (be it off the registry or cash).
Honestly why do you hate them? Is it because you are not use to them? I get asked to buy stag and doe tickets all the time (even to weddings I am not invited to), its just a party. If I can go I do if I can’t I don’t buy a ticket. No one will view you as trying to “cash grab” if that is your concearn.
Also plenty of couples have engagement parties thrown FOR them. I have been to some engagement parties that are bigger than some weddings and no one shows up without a gift (money or otherwise) and engagement parties are very common.
I say just think of it as a party and enjoy yourself.
Post # 7
Its also very common here I live two hours north of ottawa. No one views them as cash grabs. I have been to plenty they are always tons of fun and tickets are never more then $5. I would just go with it and if you don’t mind me asking where in ontario do you live?
@Ms. Martian: They are put on by friends and famili I don’t think it has to be put on by anyone specifiv
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
Can someone please explain what this is? Is it just an engagement party?
Post # 9
@elysion: No engagement parties are for ppl who ARE invited to the wedding and you get an invitation….you do not buy a ticket to an engagement party. A stag and Doe is a party where ANYONE invited to the wedding or not can come ppl (family, friends, wedding party) sell tickets for 5 or 10 dollars and it is just a party to hrlp the bride and groom out with cash. However there is drinking, food and the like, so it is a good time and everyone understands that buying a stag and doe ticket does not equal a wedding invite.
Post # 11
They are very common here and I really enjoy going to them. They are always a lot of fun and a great chance to celebrate with the bride and groom if you can’t make it to the wedding.
OP-you can’t refuse to attend so I think you should either not have one, or just accept the idea. I think you will be surprised how much fun you have though. GL!
Post # 12
@mrsaponte: in thunder bay they’re call a ‘shag’ not a stag. that’s probably why no one had heard of it. we’re weird 🙂
Post # 13
They are common from my home town, but my Fiance is from two cities over and never heard of them!
My sister was expecting one, but when she got some sage advice from someone (to make money you need 200 people to buy tickets) she decided not to have one….
Your family or friends (whoever throws it for you) up fronts the money and whatever the overage is the bride and groom gets…
I find them a LOT of work and I’m not expecting anyone to do one for me….if they want to, I’ll go, but I would never expect it….
Post # 14
I had to throw my own and they are a lot to organize whilst organizing a wedding. It is common-place where I live. In fact in the small Town I currently live in people don’t always even know the Bride and Groom. It’s just a party to help raise money for the wedding.
But as I mentioned it’s a lot of work, so if you’re not up for it I’d say pass on it. My wedding party helped, but unless your whole party is familiar with the idea and lives in the area you’ll likely be left to do it yourself.
Post # 15
In some regions it is considered odd and almost rude NOT to have a stag and doe. That said, if you and your Fiance do not want one, just let people know.
Post # 16
My biggest problem is that with a shower it is still an option to bring a gift. Yes, it is a gif-giving event, but you aren’t turned away at the door if you don’t have one. At stags (and stag and does), you can’t come if you don’t pay. Its basically a fundraiser for the wedding.