(Closed) Stage 3 in the waiting cycle

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
384 posts
Helper bee

I absolutely am sorry that you’re going through this, it must be CRAZY to wait.  I can give you another perspective though.  Be glad you’re in Stage 3.  That’s a good stage to be in.  You know it’s coming, you know he has the ring.  And I do realize that when vacations and holidays pass and nothing happens, it’s disappointing.

But – I would give ANYTHING to be in your position.   Just knowing he had the ring and wanted to get married would be A HUGE step for us.  I know he loves me, know he wants to be with me forever…but I’m in the Stage of “I’m not ready, I’m need to do it when I’m ready”.  What is that Stage 1 or 0?   LOL.  Anyway, this is a wonderful place to be and I hope this gives you some perspective.

However, if I EVER make it to Stage 3 I’m sure I’d feel the same way you are right now.  I hope when/if it happens I think back to what I’m saying here and don’t, but we’re women…that’s how we roll.

Post # 4
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

So your date is set for October 1 of this year and he still hasn’t “figured out” how to propose? It doesn’t sound like you’re asking for some elaborate proposal, so I don’t see what the hold up is. I’m sure this is frustrating! BE STRONG, it’s coming soon! I know those words are so hollow when you feel like that though.

— SideNote: I love that you called it Stage 3. I realize that I was in Stage 3 the few months up until I got my proposal as well. What are the other Stages? ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 5
Member
938 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I can’t even imagine the torture of knowing he has the ring.  You are not alone, I see many Bees on this board who are in the same situation. I just can’t imagine, as if “waiting” isn’t already torturous enough. Bah!

“He explained that there were places he thought of doing it but something always got in the way, either someone else in his family doing it there or it getting too close to his bros wedding date and he knew I would be upset and didnt know what to do”

I’m not sure I understand, you would be upset if it was too close to his bro’s wedding date?

You’re upset that he hasn’t “planned” but he has actually been planning, these “ideas” are part of his planning so on one hand it sounds like you’re being a little hard on him. On the other hand you did have a timeline expectation so of course you’re disappointed. Was he absolutely clear on that it would be end of 2010?

It’s funny, I just got off the phone wtih a coworker who recently proposed to his girlfriend.  He had the most romatic proposal story, and the “planning” wasn’t extensive. He also was thinking on his feet during that day (they were on vacation) and looking for the perfect place to do it. The wheels were constantly turning and he pulled off a proposal that was so cute they’ll be sharing that story for years to come.

Ah, Stage 3.  There’s nothing to do but embrace your feelings and you WILL move through them. That’s the beauty and the challenge of the Waiting Cycle, nothing is constant, we move through our emotions and move on to other ones. One thing about Stage 3 is you will feel less ‘wrapped up’ in this and begin to let go.  He may see how frustrated you are and that’s preventing a proposal now too, since he wants it to be well-received…..just my thoughts.

 

Post # 7
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@DreamingBee: Wow. I have never read that, thanks! I was never a waiting bee, but I was certainly a waiting girl. Interesting.

Post # 9
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I have begun to despise the emphasis on elaborate proposals. Seriously. Guys (and females too) berate women for being “impatient.” No… we are not impatient. Not after our guy has told us that they want to marry us… a decision that was not forced upon them but that they willing expressed to us.

I feel like people should not get engaged until they are ready at that very second to be married. The marriage isn’t about a party but about the union of two lives– given that, when my SO said he was ready but felt like I was putting on pressure, I was like dude, if you’re ready, and I’m ready, why are you wasting time on proposing? Let’s NOT make our lives more complicated by drawing out something that we both agreed is a step we want to take, right?

For example, @mispriss1215, you two have decided (together) that you want to get married at XYZ venue on XYZ date… then I totally feel your anguish regarding him dragging his feet. What gives?? 

Sigh… men can be dense sometimes. Perhaps, during your next conversation, you can sit your SO down and explain that say if you’re not engaged by XYZ date, you don’t think it’ll be feasible to plan a wedding for Oct. 1. Don’t say it like an ultimatum but rather let him know you do not want your engagement period to be stressful or rushed. Remember, no pressure, no ultimatum, just let him know the real deal about wedding planning would involve for the two of you.

That;s kind of how I got to the point with my BF about running of the brides. We agreed on late 2011/early 2012 as a time frame for the wedding… but I really, really want to do ROTB. In addition to allowing enough time for wedding planning, he also wanted me to have that experience so he said a proposal before that date is completely reasonable.

Good luck! I have only recently (last month) moved out of Stage 3 back to Stage 1.

Post # 11
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m confused.  You have a set wedding date?  A venue?  Then you’re engaged – proposal, ring, or not.  Probably you should mention that to him, get your ring, and go on your merry way.  I suppose he’s just looking for the “perfect” time and most romantic way to do the actual asking, but if you have concrete wedding plans already and you know you’re getting married already, then I’d say you’ve kind of already jumped that hurdle. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 12
Member
1742 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

If it makes you feel any better, after looking at the list of Waiting Stages, I feel like a 2, but think I’m at about -1 ๐Ÿ˜›

 

Post # 13
Member
4804 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Ms.Aum: I was like dude, if you’re ready, and I’m ready, why are you wasting time on proposing? Let’s NOT make our lives more complicated by drawing out something that we both agreed is a step we want to take, right?

THANK-YOU!! This is what I always feel but have never been able to articulate. It’s so true. 

Post # 14
Member
938 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@Isilme: a “-1”, that is hilarious!!!

@mispriss1215: Oh god that sucks that you ended your lease! I’d be freaking out too. And I wish I had better advice than “I’d be freaking out”….

@deliciousappleblue: Yup, I see your perspective. She has a date and a venue, on one hand the hurdle has been jumped. Engagement is the intention to marry, and obviously a deposit on a venue, buying the ring, etc is intention to marry. So engagement has basically already occurred.

 

Post # 15
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@DreamingBee: Exactly!  Not everybody gets a movie-quality proposal and a grand announcement or any of that. Sometimes people decide to get married and then just go do it.  It looks like that is what’s happening here, so it’s not really worth stressing over the “engagement”.  It’s done.  Be happy!

Post # 16
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

@mispriss1215: i know hwo you are feeling- I jump in and out of these stages like hurdles at a track meet. *hugs* I am glad you are keeping up on the V-Day challenge though! You are doing really great!!!!

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