Post # 1
Has this happened to any other bee’s? I feel so sad I have lost 2 bridesmaids as well as 2 friends. A little bit about my situation….the first bridesmaid dropped out b/c she is getting married a month after me and said she didn’t have the time to attend my shower or bachelorette party, her wedding was her 1st priority. This was difficult for me to understand because she told me this 10 months in advance. How can you know that far away you won’t be able to attend your friends wedding festivities?
The second BM who is no longer in my wedding (my choice) has MAJOR jealousy issues. She is getting married a month after me as well and has been comparing our 2 weddings ever since we’ve both been engaged. She told me I should be sensitive to her money issues and not talk about anything wedding. She also asked me to be in her wedding. How can we not talk about anything wedding when we are in each others weddings? She has proceeded to tell me I have ridiculous “extras” in my wedding that I shouldn’t have (for example someone to play live music during cocktail hour) and that I am not good with my money. How is this any of her business?! Weddings seem to cause some girls to go off the deep end. Has anyone else experienced this? She also told me that she thinks it ridiculous that I might be taking 2 weeks off unpaid for my wedding. I didnt even tell her it would be unpaid, she asked! I just started a new job and will not have any vacation time by then. I told this BM that I need someone in my wedding that is going to be happy for me and not criticizing the things I choose to have for my wedding and the things I choose to spend money on. She thinks we can still be friends if she put restrictions on our friendship like not talking about our weddings or anything involving money.
Just wanted an opinion about this b/c I am very disappointed.
Post # 3
Wow that is rough. You didn’t mention this but does the first girl not live near you? If so, I can probably understand that she wouldn’t have time to travel or take time off when her wedding is nearby. The second is being a little overboard to me. It’s not really her business what you spend on your wedding or if you take time off (though if I had a friend that I knew was struggling I might worry that she is taking time off, not saying that is you though). I think it’s horrible that they let the wedding get in the way of your relationship with them.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2011 - Samuel Lynne Galleries and Marc Events
Geez, that’s so disappointing. I’m so sorry! I haven’t had this situation, but I just wanted to say that maybe it’s for the best. You definitely want the people surrounding you on your wedding day to be supportive and truly have your best interests (not competition or jealousy) at heart. Good luck.
Post # 5
Both of these girls live about 20 min away from me.
Post # 6
Were these 2 girls really close friends of yours? Do you think maybe after all the wedding drama is over (don’t know why they have to make it so dramatic though) and all 3 of you are happily married, that you guys can restore the friendship? Won’t it be fun to look back and say how goofy everyone was?
I have an old college friend who was jealous because I had a boyfriend and she didn’t. The jealousy escalated, and we got into an actual physical fight. It took a couple years, but we regained our friendship, and I’m so glad for that. Some friendships are definitely worth it. Good luck!
Post # 7
I’m realizing these girls aren’t the friends I thought they were. 🙁
Post # 8
I guess what I really want to know is how many bee’s have experienced disappointing bridesmaids who are no longer in your wedding?
Post # 9
So sorry to hear about this! My list of potential bridesmaids has changed over the years. One I don’t talk to much anymore because her BF made some ridiculous comments about my maturing sister (bordering sexual) and that he hasn’t held a job for over 6 years (took only one job for two weeks throughout the whole time I’ve known him). She respected my opinion of him but I was starting to see that my pocket would empty whenever we hung out because neither of them worked.
The other is a relative, very possibly bipolar, that has sent me offensive messages through email, Facebook, etc. these messages would accuse me for being a bisexual stripper and that she has evidence of me having sex with other women. (?!) I’ve given her more than enough chances because she’s family but…I’m absolutely certain I don’t want her in my wedding or at my wedding even if it was her dying wish.
But to be honest it sounds like your situations with both women are salvagable. Give it some time, and try not to think about how they treated you prior to your wedding. Like AudzinLuv mentioned…they might turn around later when the drama’s subsided. In my case I know the line was crossed way too much to give any fleeting chance to these women again.
Post # 10
I can totally relate. I Lost two within 36 hrs this week. I’m sorry
Post # 11
I can sort of relate. I asked my cousin to be my MOH before I realized she was having some serious, serious mental issues. I spelled out her duties and we talked and she agreed. The next day she said she couldn’t make it even the week before to help out and attend a bachlorette party which is cool and all, but then she started telling people that the bachlorette was April 7th…a THURSDAY before my wedding…after I’d said I wanted a Saturday…AHHHHH!!!!
Then my other bridesmaid (I actually dismissed her today as well as my cousin) hasn’t spoken to me in over a month since I asked her.
I’m in a different situation but I do understand the frustration and dissapointment of seeing BM’s not work out. So massive hugs for you and PM if you wanna chat!
Post # 12
Thanks girls, I appreciate your feedback. It helps to know I am not alone.
Post # 13
I still have all my bridesmaids but you are so right that weddings make people crazy. They put stress on every possible relationship. I felt close to all of my bridesmaids and now that its been 5 months since my engagment I feel really distant from all of them. It puts odd stress on our freienships. I dont want to overwhelm anyone with my wedding so I NEVER talk about it. I didn’t even tell them I got my dress. Maybe its me thats going nuts hahaha
Post # 14
- Wedding: April 2011 - The Tribute Golf Club
While I don’t have this situation, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. That’s pretty upsetting that the one friend was comparing everything between your weddings.
Post # 15
Sorry to hear that bride-to-be. I must say though, do seek to understand them before you wish to be understood yourself. It’s likely that there were other reasons that they pulled out – normally from my experiencing it’s because the costs you are giving them are too expensive. You may also have offended them. If they are people who you initially asked to be in your bridal party, don’t lose them as friends but try to get over it and talk with them. Anger and disappointment are too heavy to carry around.