Post # 1
I read a very interesting article on another blog/website. Id link it, or mention it, but that’s probably against the rules. But still interesting to discuss.
The premise was about the saying “starting a family” which generally means to have a baby. This can subtly imply that just you and your spouse aren’t a family unless you have kids. What if you don’t want them or can’t have them? You’re not a family?
Ive seen this phrase several times on wb, even today. So what do you think? Are you and your spouse a family, even without kids? Or do kids make a family? does this phrase bother you?
Personally, I don’t know if we wil have kids once we marry. And I’m okay with that. He is my family. And that’s plenty good enough. I don’t want my family to be devalued by society or others bc there aren’t kids. Or what about work? Guilt me into working holidays bc “you don’t have a family/kids”
Post # 3
@HappyHannah1980: Our family is me, FH, and our computer. LOL!
I absolutely consider us a family.
Post # 4
I consider DH my family, but I don’t take offense or anything when someone says they’re “starting a family” (indicating they’re going to TTC). It’s just a saying, and I don’t think it’s ever meant to imply that what we have in our spouses isn’t family.
Post # 5
@HappyHannah1980: My FI and I live together and have two dogs and a bird. I consider us a family! I’d hate it if we weren’t considered to have our own little family unit for 10-12 years until we decide to reproduce.
Post # 6
Meh… I think it’s just a matter of semantics.
Like of course you’re still a family if you don’t have kids. However, I don’t see what’s wrong with keeping the phrase “starting a family” to mean that you’re going to have kids. Like why choose this particular phrase to get offended by? Not everyone needs to be included in everything iMO.
You can link the article, btw… I don’t think it’s against the rules.
Post # 7
I made a thread a couple hours ago saying that we are starting a family because we are going to get a cat. I don’t think “starting a family” has to mean “having children.”
Post # 8
I wouldn’t really consider us a family without kids. I’ve just never pictured a family that way, so no we don’t refer to ourselves as a family until we have children. I’m currently taking a Marriage and Family Studies course for fun and it said that the traditional family is mom, dad, children, but that views are obvioulsy changing to include the diverse organizations of family. Like a single mom and kid, some consider that a family and some do not, just perspective. Obviously everyone has their own opinions. I’d definitely say starting a family means having children.
Post # 9
We can’t have kids so I used to hate that phrase more than anything!
Now I ignore it and am quite happy knowing me, my husband, and our corgi are most definitely a family.
Post # 10
We will be growing a family when we make babies. We starte a family when we decided on happily ever after!
Post # 11
Post # 12
“Family” is such an ambigious term. I personally go with the idea that anybody can call any group or other person family because I just can’t judge. So if you and your husband are your “family” that’s fine by me. If you want to use “start your family” or “grow your family” to talk about having kids, also okay by me.
Growing up most people would say your “family” is parents and siblings. Do you at some point leave that family? Is it insulting to say that you’re only a family once you marry? What about people who are single? What about extended family?
Or what about non-biologic family? I often tell people that we’re interested in moving to another city because that’s where all my “family” lives but I’m not actually related to those people. They are very long term friends of several generations. I consider them family. I want to move there because they’re my support I would want to have close when we hopefully get pregnant.
So yeah. I like family. In all it’s glorious forms!!!
Post # 13
I think its just a phrase and nothing to get all worked up about.
Post # 14
I guess I just few the phrase differently. Yes, my husband, my dogs, and I are a family but when we have kids our family will be complete. So yes, I use to phrase in the sense of in 20XX we will start a family.
Post # 15
This is a pet peeve of mine… I would never say anything about it out loud, but in my head it always bugs me when people use “start a family” to mean “have a baby.” In my mind, DH and I became an official family on the day we got married. We don’t have children yet, but we ARE a family! When we have kids, our family will grow.
Post # 16
A family can be many different things. None better or more significant than the other. If anyone is small minded enough to only think that a family is a mum, dad and kids then they are the ones missing out.