"Starting a family"- doesn't have to equal having kids

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 4
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I consider DH my family, but I don’t take offense or anything when someone says they’re “starting a family” (indicating they’re going to TTC). It’s just a saying, and I don’t think it’s ever meant to imply that what we have in our spouses isn’t family. 

Post # 5
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@HappyHannah1980:  My  FI and I live together and have two dogs and a bird. I consider us a family! I’d hate it if we weren’t considered to have our own little family unit for 10-12 years until we decide to reproduce. 

Post # 6
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Meh… I think it’s just a matter of semantics.

Like of course you’re still a family if you don’t have kids. However, I don’t see what’s wrong with keeping the phrase “starting a family” to mean that you’re going to have kids. Like why choose this particular phrase to get offended by? Not everyone needs to be included in everything iMO.

You can link the article, btw… I don’t think it’s against the rules.

Post # 7
3731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I made a thread a couple hours ago saying that we are starting a family because we are going to get a cat. I don’t think “starting a family” has to mean “having children.”

Post # 8
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I wouldn’t really consider us a family without kids. I’ve just never pictured a family that way, so no we don’t refer to ourselves as a family until we have children. I’m currently taking a Marriage and Family Studies course for fun and it said that the traditional family is mom, dad, children, but that views are obvioulsy changing to include the diverse organizations of family. Like a single mom and kid, some consider that a family and some do not, just perspective. Obviously everyone has their own opinions. I’d definitely say starting a family means having children. 

Post # 9
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We can’t have kids so I used to hate that phrase more than anything! 


Now I ignore it and am quite happy knowing me, my husband, and our corgi are most definitely a family.


Post # 10
1372 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

We will be growing a family when we make babies. We starte a family when we decided on happily ever after!

Post # 12
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

“Family” is such an ambigious term. I personally go with the idea that anybody can call any group or other person family because I just can’t judge. So if you and your husband are your “family” that’s fine by me. If you want to use “start your family” or “grow your family” to talk about having kids, also okay by me.

Growing up most people would say your “family” is parents and siblings. Do you at some point leave that family? Is it insulting to say that you’re only a family once you marry? What about people who are single? What about extended family?

Or what about non-biologic family? I often tell people that we’re interested in moving to another city because that’s where all my “family” lives but I’m not actually related to those people.  They are very long term friends of several generations. I consider them family. I want to move there because they’re my support I would want to have close when we hopefully get pregnant.

So yeah. I like family. In all it’s glorious forms!!!

Post # 13
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think its just a phrase and nothing to get all worked up about.

Post # 14
3197 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I guess I just few the phrase differently.  Yes, my husband, my dogs, and I are a family but when we have kids our family will be complete.  So yes, I use to phrase in the sense of in 20XX we will start a family.

Post # 15
214 posts
Helper bee

This is a pet peeve of mine… I would never say anything about it out loud, but in my head it always bugs me when people use “start a family” to mean “have a baby.” In my mind, DH and I became an official family on the day we got married. We don’t have children yet, but we ARE a family! When we have kids, our family will grow. 

Post # 16
7286 posts
Busy Beekeeper

A family can be many different things. None better or more significant than the other. If anyone is small minded enough to only think that a family is a mum, dad and kids then they are the ones missing out.

Leave a comment

Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors