Post # 1
Hi ladies! Have been trying to write this post in my head for the weeks since I’ve joined and I am finally biting the bullet.
My FI (of a week!) and I are going to be LDR starting August 1st. My job has asked me to move to Washington DC. I’ve accepted the offer (and the raise!) happily. Except that my FI and I live in Chicago. There are pros/cons to my moving, of course but I’ve come to understand that in a situation like this (and marriage, really) there are no right and wrong decisions but good and bad. And moving is a good decision. There’s a significant raise, job security and adventure! My bosses have generously offered to pay for flights back to Chicago every six weeks! Uh, YEAH! That helped the decision come easier.
My main concerns about going are relationship based. I’m trying very hard to be conscious of how much I’m asking, the strain this situation will put on our relationship, etc. But I also feel mildly excited/curious (in a good, positive way) to see how we handle this. I feel like it will be an opportunity to strengthen our communication skills, re-ignite the spark (anticipation of seeing each other?) and save a serious wedding fund! Plus, I’ll be back in a year!
I guess this post isn’t for a specific piece of advice or a tip.. but just an introduction to us and our situation. I’m feeling a little exhilarated talking about it – the whole move is still surreal!
Post # 3
I just want to let you know that it is definitely, 100% possible to make this work. My FI and I were in a LDR for nearly four years. We were about five hours apart. It wasn’t a huge distance, but it was still a lot. He was working on a PhD while I was working in our hometown. You can feel free to PM me at any time with any questions!
Here’s what I felt worked for us:
1) Communicate every day. It could be some text messages, a phone call, a Skype date, etc., but the communication piece is vital. Talk about the mundane things and the important things. If one of us was feeling frustrated about the LDR (which did happen, especially at the start), we brought it up to the other. Keeping secrets = no bueno!
2) Whenever we would visit each other, it made it a little easier if we knew when the next visit would be (even if it was just a rough idea). It made leaving easier and a little more concrete. That is beyond awesome that your boss will pay for your flights!! I am so jealous of that :-).
3) Keep yourself busy, especially at the start of things. I took advantage of the time to do something that I always wanted to do, but never had time, which was take piano lessons. Go out with friends and live your life. It will give you things to talk about, and you’re less likely to mope.
Something that I think you have in your favor (besides the fact that you guys are engaged :-)) is that you know when the end date will be. That makes things easier. You will both probably hate the LDR at some point (I know we did), but at least you can say, “This might suck now, but it’ll be over in x months”. I really enjoyed getting to explore his new city when I would visit him and was almost sad when he left because I was going to miss it, too! Like I said, please feel free to PM me with anything. I’m not an expert, but I do have a bit of experience with this topic!
Post # 4
I was in a LDR for a long time. We lived 8 hours apart. It is hard, but like PP said soo possible. Hang in there and enjoy the time you do have together during visits. It will make that time so much more special!
Congratulations on your new job 🙂
Post # 5
FI and I have been LDR our whole relationship, and will be up to one year into our marriage :/ webcam dates are essential for me and my FI, also checking in via text message with a cute message to make the other smile has also been a lifesaver, especially when one knows the other is under stress.
Good Luck! It’s 100% do-able! 🙂
Post # 6
My FI and are were LDR at first but like you we knew there would be an end date to it. That made it a lot easier. He called me everyday on the phone and I would fly down to visit him on my school breaks. We lived 17 hours apart.
It was really hard but being away from each other let us get to know each other really really well. And he was supportive of me and I of him. Even with the distance we felt like we saw each other everyday due to the phone calls.
Another good thing is that since we werent in the same place physically we still did things we were used to doing unlike my tendency to hang out with my SO a lot and put off other things just to be with them. So that helped me out and we still have things we like to do away from one another. Although it seems now a days we spend a lot of time together but we are still new to this city and dont know many people. I still go out and do things that just I am interested in.
Near the end of the LDR period, things did start to get rough though I started calling my phone my boyfriend since the background picture was of him lol. He carried around a gift certificate with a picture of me on it in his wallet.
But yes it is all very exciting and it sounds great, and it must be great to have someone who supports and encourages you like that.
Post # 7
FI and I were LDR for a long time. The thing that helped us most? SKYPE,SKYPE,SKYPE!!!!!
And netflix, we would have a movie night once a week and start the movie together and eat the same dinner =)
Text,phone calls, you might as well get the unlimited plan now.
And sorry to not be so..discreet here but..get you a rabbit. And I’m not talking about the fluffy type.
Post # 8
Girls, this is all amazing stuff!! Thank you. I immediately feel better. I’ve been carrying around a lot of stress about the whole situation (especially since I started packing this weekend!) and it feels a little less now 🙂
I’ll definitely be here talking about this for months to come! Thank you thank you!!!
Post # 9
@HisLittleRed: HAHAHAHA. Thank you for the tip!!
Post # 10
My SO of 4 years and I will be starting an LDR in August, as well. This one will be for 3 years (I’m moving for grad school) and we’ll be 800 miles apart, but in the same time zone – thank goodness! We’ve arranged ways for us to constantly communicate. Because I will have an unpredictable schedule, and won’t necessarily be available for long chats on the phone, we’ve learned to talk primarily via text message and Google Chat. Because we’ll both be busy, we have small games that we’re playing with one another. For example, at 3:00 PM every day, we take a picture with our phone of whatever is to our left. That way, we get a snapshot of what is going on in one another’s lives. We plan to always have our next visit planned, so we can count down the days until we see each other. And, most importantly of all, we will always tell each we love each other.
Good luck with your LDR! STAY STRONG!
Post # 11
My husband and I were long distance for years. It sucked but we got used to it. I enjoyed have some freedom. We made a point to talk on regular dates, used email, IM and text a LOT. Skype wasn’t mainstream during most of our LDR.
You can do it and your relationship will be fine as long as you can nurture it. We got very, very good at communicating. You have no other choice when you can’t see someone.
Post # 12
@priyathescientist: The games are a great idea!! Thanks for that.. may steal it!
Post # 13
@thursdayschild: I am excited for a little bit of freedom! One of my dear friends from undergrad is in DC too, it will be a reunion!
Post # 14
@priyathescientist: you made a couple excellent points.
Always having a visit coming up (even if it’s not for a while) helps keep you sane.
We also sent a LOT of picture texts. Just the “saw this and thought of you/thought you’d like it” kind of messages.
You can always send little care packages (baked goods you always make, or a shirt you’ve worn with your scent on it) to keep your relationship alive.
Post # 15
@thursdayschild: Yes, we have already gone through calendar and picked out weekends for visits through December! We have probably half of the flights booked because FI was really worried they wouldn’t happen (that something would come up, etc.)
Care packages!? I’m so glad I have the hive.. I’m definitely not the “thoughtful one” in our relationship.. I never would have thought of that – but I’m glad you did 😉 I’ll definitely do that!
Post # 16
This thread has helped me so much. Thank you Hive. I will be starting a LDR with my FI next week. We will be 10 hours apart for a year. Not horribly long. Thank you all again!