Starting to feel down and out.. Advice? (LONG post!)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014



well… you  bent over backwards for them but I think you didn’t have to you were just being nice

they don’t want to for you. It makes sense to me. Regardless of a wedding or not people do what is convenient for them, just cause its a wedding doesn’t mean everyone is going to change and be your best pals for this whole process. Look at how they are normally, are they usually around? do they go shopping with you regularly? if not, then why would they for fittings etc. Do you eat out often or have little dinner party get togethers? If not, then why would they feel comfortable putting together a shower/bachelorette party etc

when I got engaged a lot of girls were excited to be bridesmaids, thats news to me since theyre not friend enough to not stand me up at restaurants at the last minute, or call me ahead of time for anything they need before they unload a bunch of BS. I definitely had people ASKING to be bridesmaids because girls are young and want to be part of a wedding.

Dude, I don’t even know if they are going to show up on the day of, I only have 2 maids of honor and they are my family

I’m not as close to them socially but I know family will already be there, I want reliability and though my cousins and I don’t interact all that ofen they are consistent which is more than I can say about my “friends”

Post # 4
3202 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Honestly, I was super-bummed for a month or two right before and right after we got engaged. Before we got engaged, I was looking at wedding stuff, and my mom kept being really nasty about the fact that we weren’t engaged yet–“How do you know he’s really going to propose?”, that kind of thing.

After we got engaged, I figured it would be super exciting and fun, and people would want to do stuff with me, but… it wasn’t. My mom had no interest in talking about wedding stuff and neither did my BFF. No one brought up wanting to go dress-shopping with me. I basically had to nail down a time with my mom and grandma a month in advance to even make it happen. I asked my mom to drop by a venue for me (as the wedding is in my hometown, where she currently lives) and she said no, she felt weird about it. She also made a huge deal about how our engagement was too short (10 months, lol).

Fortunately, things have gotten a lot better. Honestly, a big part of it was managing my expectations. I pretty much get all of my wedding excitement out on the Bee/with FI and try to only bring it up with my mom and BFF when I really need to or when I’m really excited about something (so… maybe once a week or once every two weeks? and I talk to them every day). People post on the Bee “No one will be as excited about your wedding as you,” and that has definitely been the case for me!

Also, my mom, I think, eventually wrapped her head around the fact that I’m actually getting married, and she’s gotten a bit more supportive.

Finally, I found a few people who were, unexpectedly, really excited for me and happy to chat about wedding stuff. My stepmom, whom I’m not alllll that close to, is SO PUMPED about the wedding! So it’s very fun to chat with her about it.

I hope some of that is helpful! The Bee is always here to listen!

Post # 6
1588 posts
Bumble bee

Regarding your mother (and I really do not mean this in a snarky fashion) – what do you want from her? 

If you want the ‘yes man’ mom (there’s nothing wrong with that) you should probably share that expectation with her so that she knows you just want her to nod in agreement.  If you want her to give her honest opinion hoping to make sure you consider other perspectives, well then, at least listen to what she says.  Nothing says you need to change  your plans after she’s made her case. 


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