Post # 1
My FI and I recently got engaged (yay! 🙂 ) This should be the happiest time in my life… However, I can’t help but feel overwhelmed and kind of kicked by the people who should be my biggest supporters. My older sister/MOH consistently tells me she is “too busy” when I invite her to bridal appointments.. dress appointments, flower appointments, anything really… I’m not sure whether to be upset with her or not, because I do know that she works a lot. But I do wish she would make more time for me, as this is an important time!
I was just recently the MOH in my cousins wedding, and feel as if I bent over backwards for her. It was much to my surprise that when I asked her to be my bridesmaid a month later, she replied that “She would love to, however she doesn’t think that her husband would be too happy with it so she would have to decline.” Although I tried my hardest to understand, I was very hurt and upset! I spoke with her about it, and she very quickly tried to backtrack and take back what she said once she realized how upset I was. Although I am happy that she will be by my side on my special day, I can’t help but feel as though it’s more of a burden to her than anything. Shortly after this, a second bridesmaid dropped out- For a reason that is completely justified. I can’t say that I’m not upset someone so close to me will not be by my side- However, she is still continuing to be there for me every step of the way. As if this wasnt bad enough, about a month ago, my best friend of 10 years and I got into a massive fight, and she not only opted out of my wedding, but also pulled her son (my Godson and ringbearer) out as well. I feel like this should be such a special time in my life, and I am running across the people closest to me being very unsupportive!
Apart from the Bridal party issues, I have also run across family issues: My mother hating every possible detail that I share with her (bridesmaid dress colors, my shoes, jewlery, boquets etc…); my future FIL saying very derogative things about our wedding because I am Arabic, and my FI and I decided to get an Arabic singer and are doing half the night in a traditional Arabic manner. He is not familiar with the traditions, and is not afraid to share his feelings. Also, my FI’s grandmother has shared her dissapointment in our decision to not include my FI’s biological father (as opposed to his stepfather) on the wedding invitations. Add in some of my FI’s family members that are not getting an invite, and have heard the rumor that they are not getting an invite, personally coming up and confronting me at family gatherings– and this bride is ready to pull her hair out!!
Any other brides that can offer some advice on how to deal? Am I just overreacting because everything is happening all at once? Starting to feel like such a heavy weight is on my shoulders and not really sure what to do.. Advice please!
Post # 3
well… you bent over backwards for them but I think you didn’t have to you were just being nice
they don’t want to for you. It makes sense to me. Regardless of a wedding or not people do what is convenient for them, just cause its a wedding doesn’t mean everyone is going to change and be your best pals for this whole process. Look at how they are normally, are they usually around? do they go shopping with you regularly? if not, then why would they for fittings etc. Do you eat out often or have little dinner party get togethers? If not, then why would they feel comfortable putting together a shower/bachelorette party etc
when I got engaged a lot of girls were excited to be bridesmaids, thats news to me since theyre not friend enough to not stand me up at restaurants at the last minute, or call me ahead of time for anything they need before they unload a bunch of BS. I definitely had people ASKING to be bridesmaids because girls are young and want to be part of a wedding.
Dude, I don’t even know if they are going to show up on the day of, I only have 2 maids of honor and they are my family
I’m not as close to them socially but I know family will already be there, I want reliability and though my cousins and I don’t interact all that ofen they are consistent which is more than I can say about my “friends”
Post # 4
Honestly, I was super-bummed for a month or two right before and right after we got engaged. Before we got engaged, I was looking at wedding stuff, and my mom kept being really nasty about the fact that we weren’t engaged yet–“How do you know he’s really going to propose?”, that kind of thing.
After we got engaged, I figured it would be super exciting and fun, and people would want to do stuff with me, but… it wasn’t. My mom had no interest in talking about wedding stuff and neither did my BFF. No one brought up wanting to go dress-shopping with me. I basically had to nail down a time with my mom and grandma a month in advance to even make it happen. I asked my mom to drop by a venue for me (as the wedding is in my hometown, where she currently lives) and she said no, she felt weird about it. She also made a huge deal about how our engagement was too short (10 months, lol).
Fortunately, things have gotten a lot better. Honestly, a big part of it was managing my expectations. I pretty much get all of my wedding excitement out on the Bee/with FI and try to only bring it up with my mom and BFF when I really need to or when I’m really excited about something (so… maybe once a week or once every two weeks? and I talk to them every day). People post on the Bee “No one will be as excited about your wedding as you,” and that has definitely been the case for me!
Also, my mom, I think, eventually wrapped her head around the fact that I’m actually getting married, and she’s gotten a bit more supportive.
Finally, I found a few people who were, unexpectedly, really excited for me and happy to chat about wedding stuff. My stepmom, whom I’m not alllll that close to, is SO PUMPED about the wedding! So it’s very fun to chat with her about it.
I hope some of that is helpful! The Bee is always here to listen!
Post # 5
@elliptical2013: I agree, I feel as though I do what I wish others would do for me.. and often come out dissapointed. However, I have such a big heart that that doesnt stop me from helping and going above and beyond whenever I can.. when will I learn?! My bridal party now consists of our 2 sisters and 3 of my cousins. I am not as close with them as the other girls that I asked who opted out, but as you said, they will be at my wedding anyhow so this was a perfect option. Thaks for your advice!
@howsweetitis: I agree. I don’t know why I thought as if everyone was going to be as excited as I am… I know in my heart that my family is happy for me and excited… They just have a different way of showing it. I am slowly starting to learn that everyone doesn’t want to hear about my wedding as much as I would like to talk about it (lol)… I just recently found the bee and am starting to love it! It allows me to talk to other brides, and not drive everyone crazy with wedding talk! Thanks for your reply 🙂
Post # 6
Regarding your mother (and I really do not mean this in a snarky fashion) – what do you want from her?
If you want the ‘yes man’ mom (there’s nothing wrong with that) you should probably share that expectation with her so that she knows you just want her to nod in agreement. If you want her to give her honest opinion hoping to make sure you consider other perspectives, well then, at least listen to what she says. Nothing says you need to change your plans after she’s made her case.