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I'm in a very similar situation except R is all ready to give me the ring with my "real" proposal but our jeweler (R's BIL's dad) is taking forever to order it and ship it out. (Try that on for irritating... poor R had a date set this month to propose, only to find out that the jeweler had gone on vacation for the fourth or fifth time since September, and hadn't ordered the setting yet.)
Anyway, can you talk to your SO about how things are going? Not in a pushy way, but just ask for an update. Let him know your concerns. I think it'll ease your mind a lot. It doesn't have to take away the magic and surprise of that "real" proposal.
i can do that, yes. i'm just trying not to ruin any surprises he may have planned, because he has the tendency to blab his mouth unintentionally. sometimes it's cute...but other times, i wish i didn't know everything. lol.
JennHas Feet, I know what you mean, it is hard to really get in full swing of things without that ring. You just made me realize that Howard has not really proposed to me yet either. He has told everybody that he knows that we are engaged, but you guys are the only friends that I have told. I'm just embarrassed to do it without the ring and you know how we women are... we want to see the ring! Good luck to you. I know mine is coming soon and then I can really get into the planning bliss! My advise is to keep planning and doing all that you can do towards your wedding because that planning time is going to move by you quickly. I'm still planning but I feel that I could enjoy it a lot better if I had my ring!
Honestly, since you've already planned so much, and the wedding is only 8 months away, I think you should talk to him. I know you don't want to ruin the surprise but since it is starting to affect you negatively as you stated (nightmares, etc) I would say it's high time for a chit chat. The venue that you want won't be available forever, so you definately need to have that settled, but at the same time I agree with you entirely about not putting a deposit down on it yet. You asked if you should be surprise when he proposes - I think that depends on how much you've talked about it and/or been planning already. It's really easy to be surprised if it's never been brought up at all, and then out of the blue you get a proposal. I would say, since the two of you have already been planning it, it's less about the surprise at this point and more about the affirmation of the decision that seems to have already been made. As women, we NEED that ring. I hope you can somehow get this across to him. If it's the surprise that matters most to you, and you think you can survive the worrying and nightmares until he proposes, then just don't mention it. At this point though, I'd be a lot more interested in the proposal itself, surprise or not. Hope my POV helps!
JennHasFeet,
I think it definitely sounds very frustrating and I totally agree with everyone that asking about how things are going will help with the process tremendously. One thing I try to keep in mind constantly is that it's easy to forget how much pressure the man feels about the proposal; it's supposed to be his moment of professing his love to you and asking you to be his bride and his one and only for life! A lot of guys may feel nervous about getting it "just right," especially around wedding season when we girls are full of romantic tales about how other men have proposed (and when my SO hears these stories, he definitely gets a pointed "look" the entire time, the poor man lol). He may also have already decided on his proposal idea, but it may require a certain event to happen or a certain kind of weather - either way, some factors may delay the proposal that are out of his control, depending on what it is.
Hope that helps and good luck!
Are you going to get a proposal? I don't say that to be snarky, but to make sure. My father never proposed to my mother - they decided they wanted to get married, so they went ahead and did. There was no ring, no grand gesture. Just a conversation between two adults, and a lovely wedding (and happy marriage). It sounds like what you're describing. This isn't the end of the world :) So first I'd find out if there is a proposal/ring coming. If there is, but you need to be planning in the meantime for some reason, keep up what you're doing! If there isn't, I guess you will need to come to terms with it and be happy about your wedding and marriage without that part. Good luck - sounds really frustrating!
thanks ladies! i know the ring/proposal is coming, but he's just waiting for something. what that is...probably the right "setting"...i'm not sure. i don't care about a surprise, i just want to really start! we have spoken quite a bit about it, and i know he's been talking to my best friend in secret (he took her to help him pick a ring, i have NO idea if it was purchased) and i feel like they have something up their sleeve.
i confessed to her about a week or so ago that "i just want it to happen already! i don't care if were sitting on the couch watching tv or he paused his video game to do it" and she said something along the line of "i know you do, but don't rush it because in the end, you'll want some kind of story."
i have no idea what they are planning.
i guess i'm just getting antsy, but since i've been venting on this site about it and to a girlfriend of mine at work, i've been feeling a lot better. i actually got a decent night's sleep last night!
thanks for the support ladies!
Just talk to him about it - explain that you understand thar he wants it to be romantic and a surprise but there are practical and logistical problems you face about getting YOUR choice of venue, photographer etc. especially since you guys are moving away and will not be in Michigan indefinitely after the proposal. He probably has the idea that you can plan a wedding in about 5 months, not realizing the actual timelines required.
Or maybe, he plans to elope or have a surprise wedding all planned out (I know its highly unlikely, but a girl can dream right)? 
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am i waiting? am i not? my So says were engaged and weve started planning and telling our families/wedding parties about everything. we've set a date, i found a dress (haven't ordered yet) and a reception hall that i'm ITCHING to put a deposit down on (only 8 mos away) but i wont yet because he still hasn't actually proposed. i wan't to feel like i can really get started but without a ring, i've got a huge mental obstacle that i can't get over until i feel that it's official.
shouldn't i be surprised when he does this? i shouldn't be planning with him before this is official. we've been planning this now for the past three months because we are moving to seattle in november for work and we wanted to get married here in Michigan first. we both absolutley want it...but i'm getting extremely frustrated that i can't get started on this.
i feel like i'm being irrational, but my patience has worn and it's starting to effect my sleep and i'm having nightmares all the time. i don't talk about it with him anymore because i'm not the type to nag and i know he's working hard. but waiting this long has been KILLING ME.
what do you girls do in this situation?