Post # 1
So Fiance and I have been engaged for about two months now, been together 2 and a half years…we move into a new apartment next week which is causing a bit of stress, BUT…
We haven’t had sex in almost 2 weeks, which isn’t normal for us…what makes it even less normal is the fact that he hasn’t tried making moves on me anymore, especially these last 3 days he’s been off work…not to mention that he’s the type of guy that wants it 4-5 times a week…I noticed that he looked at his porn 3 times this week already, and has been going to the gym more…but he insisted tonight when I complained to him that he’s not fooling around…I believe him…but I still don’t know what his problem is..
To make matters worse, because of this I have started to have thoughts about having sex with other men who I feel would be more interested in me than he seems to be…the last thing I want is to become an old married couple before we’re an old married couple…and I don’t think this has done much for my self-esteem either…I am overweight and am trying to lose weight which has been really hard for me to do…I just don’t get it…I am terrified that if this continues, I will end up doing something that I’ll majorly regret…he and I have both been cheated on in the past so to think that I could do something like that is crazy…ugh…I just don’t know what to do with this one!!
Post # 3
Hmm perhaps read a book like The Passionate Marriage? It is good that you realize these feelings are bad and you want to stop them in their tracks. Perhaps talk to him about your sex life and how it is currently lacking? Communication is key 🙂
Post # 4
I know that’s what I should do but it is SO DAMN HARD to communicate with him! He’s like a brick wall! I may have to check out that book though…something needs to be done and soon!
Post # 6
How does he respond when you initiate sex?
Post # 7
I read your post and I am confused because you have been in a 2 year relationship and not having sex for 2wks causes you to think about other men? What is really going on? I have a high sex drive and my Fiance has been in Afghainstan for over a year and I have not ever thought about sleeping with someone else. What if you FI got hurt and couldnt have sex for 6 months what would you do? Have you asked your FI what is going on? Men having difficulty expressing themselves when it comes to what is on their mind. He could be stressed because of the move, the upcoming wedding, work, money, etc. Men go to the gym to think and workout what is going on in their heads by lifting weights (dont ask me why my brother told me that). Once you find out why he hasnt be in the mood. You need to look within and find out what is going on with you that would make you think that would be a possibility (cheating) or it is a thought that you might act on?
Post # 8
@MissThespian: I know how you feel. Fiance and I are both very young and things have been…dull lately. Many women expect their man to be the horny one all the time and think something is seriously wrong if they’re not (me included).
Have you asked him why he hasn’t been as interested lately, without asking about cheating? Maybe its time for a heart to heart talk and tell him how it makes you feel. I really doubt it’s because you’re overweight. He’s with you because he loves you. Honestly I don’t think (mature) guys care that much about extra weight.
I sometimes feel the same way you do. I’m like “jeez, I know a lot of guys would love to get with me, and here Fiance is, not interested”. Personally, his problem is stress and he was on anti-depressants for a long time.
Maybe he just has his mind on something else (not women) and you need to talk to him seriously about it.
Post # 9
@MissThespian: I know exactly how you feel. I’m overweight too and it does major damage to my selfesteem when Fiance and I dont do it as often as I would want too. I really have no advice, just know you are not alone here 🙂
Post # 10
I dont really get why you’ve been thinking about other men when you haven’t had sex in less than 2 weeks. That’s not long at all. I get you’re concerned since this is the first time it has happened but yes, it was bound to happen. It doesn’t mean you’re doomed for a sexless, loveless marriage. Seems like you need to get your self esteem issues in order because you’re not being fair to yourself or to him. Jeez, I’d really hope my Fiance wouldn’t start looking at other women after 2 weeks!
Post # 11
Ummm, I would be concerned about the state of my relationship if I had a wandering eye after no nookie for 2 weeks! Either do something to boost your self esteem stat or have a proper conversation with your fiancé and get to the bottom of the problem.
Post # 12
Yes, I would be concerned too. I wouldnt ever start thinking about anyone else, never mind 2 weeks!
I think you need to communicate with his here… i do hope you can get this cleared up and maybe do some work to remind yourself of why you love him so much and why you are attracted to him in the first place.
Post # 13
Have you initatied sex ? Have you made time for that ?
Watching Porn (in my opinion) has nothing to do with you but is a quick fix to build up. Also, regardless of your weight, I really do not think (from experience here) that he is less attracted to you especially since you are engaged.
My advice is to sit down and talk about it, be open.
Post # 14
After just two weeks without sex you are already thinking about having sex with someone else?! Why don’t you guys sit down and have a calm, rational adult chat about it rather than looking for some on the side.
If you get married, thare are surely going to be periods of time where you will go without sex for longer than 2 weeks (e.g., extended illness, etc). It may be better for you two to get this all out in the open now about how you will deal with it, since I don’t think starting to look for someone to cheat with after 2 weeks is really going to make for a healthy marriage (unless you both agree to an open marriage).
Post # 15
@LadyElva: When I try and initiate something, he will usually kiss me and say he’s tired. I, in turn, get pissed off and turn my back to him, then he feels bad.
@niasg1: I guess I should have been more clear…it’s not so much about thinking about another man as it is about thinking “gee, I know a guy that would KILL to be with me and you don’t seem to give a crap”…it makes me miss being single feeling like he doesn’t really want me…if that makes sense…
@mbird86: This makes a lot of sense and I’m glad I’m not the only one that has these feelings…it is incredibly frustrating, especially since I have a lot of stress right now but still want to be with him, etc…it makes me feel as though it’s more with me than anything…
@Seashells7, @nushka: I think some of it has to do with my self-esteem being where its at…he has lost 70 lbs in the last 8 months, and I have only lost 30…I am twice his size and he’s been going to the gym to “bulk up”…it concerns me more than anything that he may want to leave because he can find a more attractive girl…I know it sounds stupid, but I guess my whole logic is, do it to him before he has the chance to do it to you…although I don’t think I ever could because I know how it feels to have your heart ripped out and stomped on and I would NEVER forgive myself…but it’s still a major concern…and yes, I am still watching my eating and losing weight, but it seems to be happening a LOT slower than I had hoped…