starting to lose my cool!

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@weddingguest101:  Hi Newbee!

I know EXACTLY how you feel!!  And, it’s not a good feeling!  This past year was the worst year of my life because of my boyfriend’s older brother’s wedding hooplah…and I hope that it doesnt ruin your year as well.

Here’s a quick breakdown:

-2 years into our relationship, boyfriends older brother got engaged. They had only been dating about 6 months longer

-EVERYTHING was about these two and their wedding.  Family reuinion, all about the wedding.  Xmas holiday, all about the wedding.  Numerous phone calls, emails, demands, etc etc etc

-The woman getting married just couldn’t stop BRAGGING about stuff and it added to the bitterness.  She has a 10k engagement ring.  Her wedding was 27k.  They HAD to get a new house 3 weeks before their wedding. 

Why is this so hard?

Because it’s what WE want.  If you are anything like me, you want the house, you want the proposal from a man who wants to committ to you, you want the wedding and the marriage.  And possibly to try for a baby.

Unfortuantely, not sure if your family or your boyfriend’s family has a lot of money, but if not, then it probably will be two years until you get married.  When you think about it, your boyfriend’s brother as you mentioned, is the first to get married and this will be a big deal for the family.  It’s difficult to have weddings back to back. 

My advice is to just hang in there, and do as MANY special things that you can for yourself.  Go to the spa, go shopping, learn to cook/enter cooking competetions (I did these things), go back to school, dedicate time to your friends, family.  I spent a lot of my time trying lay low, go to therapy, trying to figure it out…. but it hasn’t been until recently that I’ve been able to really focus on myself and my happiness, and a big part of that was realizing how much better I felt after hanging out with friends, shopping, taking up a new hobby, etc.  I hope these things work for you too!

When you think about it, if you are going to be with your boyfriend for life, you can’t let things get to you like this.  Otherwise, it’s possible that when you get married, your FBIL/FSIL will be TTC or doing different things with their life, and you will continue to be a jealous and bitter person.

Good Luck and hang in there!

Post # 4
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@weddingguest101:  That would be frustrating but there is really nothing you can do about it 🙁 Just try (I know, it will be hard) but try not to let it bother you. Do not let his family see that you are getting annoyed. Let them be happy for his brother and take the high road. It’ll happen when the time is right. Any time a comment like that is made, ignore it. Smile.

Post # 6
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016


I’m right where you are. My SO’s sister (who has been with her fiance 3 months longer than I’ve been with my SO) got engaged a couple weeks ago.

It doesn’t help that he’s told me that he doesn’t want to “steal her thunder” :/

I admit after a while it takes an effort to be happy for people who have been together shorter periods of time and are well ahead. But everyone’s relationship is different.

Hang in there.

Post # 7
55 posts
Worker bee

@weddingguest101:  Hugs. That sounds like a very tough situation to be in. On the bright side they have to go through all the stress before you and you could learn some valuable lessons watching them. Maybe your so’s mom will become a mother of the groomzilla lol or some other craziness will happen and you will watch it firsthand and figure out ways to deal when it is you too that are engaged. Finishing school and getting your lives in order before getting engaged sets up a solid foundation for your marriage when it is your turn.

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