- 6 years ago
I wrote a post yesterday about my parents. Today as a result of the convo following I had with my Fiance, I am now writing about him.
We are in our mid to late 30’s and got engaged a month ago. We have been together 2.5 years. He told me he wanted to marry me from 6 months in and started talking seriously about it a year ago. 6 months ago I voiced my concerns that there was lots of talking and no action, and I laid out the reality of being 34 with no plans to marry or start a family. Also of being with somebody for 2.5 years and having no plans – which I didn’t like.
It got to the point where I got upset over it and it spurred him into action – a proposal. However after the proposal he was reluctant to share our news, I got upset at having to hold it in, we got in a row and he shouted he regretted doing it, maybe our relationship is a mistake etc etc. Bad times.
We’re over that, but the feeling still remains with me. The feeling of doubt. I’ve just read a post on here of someone who doesn’t know if her FI’s the ‘one’ due to meeting someone else which has made her question her love, the spark, everything.
Pre-proposal, Fiance went through a strange time. 3 months before proposing he freaked out. We rowed, he said he wasn’t ‘in-love’ with me, had made a mistake that I was the ‘one’ etc – all around the time that this new girl at work was showing an interest in him. Once he said this, I left him on his azz and moved out for two weeks to give him some space.
Anyway things got sorted out, I moved back and within a few weeks he’d proposed, saying he wanted it to be forever. Since then though, as we want to get married in less than a year’s time we need to start organising – plus (from my post yesterday) my parents have been barraging us with questions and what they want which has put me under a lot of pressure.
Pressure, because Fiance doesn’t seem excited, gets angry if I talk about things or ask him to sit down with me and look at venues. This I am finding hard, as people keep asking us how excited we are and what we want and what our plans are. I’m honestly getting to the point where I might burst into tears if one more person does it.
Now last night I told him about latest parental making things difficult thing and he got angry straight away and told me to deal with it and tell them to leave us alone – perfect, now why didn’t I think to be so obtuse and blunt and rude? We went out to a bbq, then later in the evening he came over and said how grateful he was to have such a great bunch of friends and he feels very blessed and lucky. He apologised for being an a*se through the engagement so far in refusing to talk about it etc – which stung, because he’d been shouting at me that I’m reading into things too much when I’d asked him why he seemed so unsure before. He then commented on how different me and him are (saying various reasons) finishing with ‘but opposites attract!’. One of his friends noted how he’s put on weight and now he wants to go to the gym, which I’ve been asking him to do with me for a year and a half, and also to eat healthier. When he was saying how he wants to get out more and expand his lifestyle, I mentioned the offers I’ve given him to join me on some of my hobbies which he refuses to even listen about.
On the way home we stopped for takeaway. I ordered mine and paid. Then Fiance had a go at me for ignoring him and treating him like he’s a ghost or not even there, and reminded me that we’re engaged and should do stuff together. I was drunk, and just automatically paid without thinking. I apologised, but then he started being cocky and saying I’d been criticising him earlier on.
Anyway, I don’t really want to hear negative things, but I can’t talk to my friends about this – or family. I’m sitting at home today alone and feeling miserable but just don’t feel like I have the energy to pull out of this. I feel like I’ve been the cheerleader for the last month, and now I’m starting to wonder if he really meant the proposal or if I’m just feeling under pressure and emotional right now.
Sorry this all turned out so long.