Stay at home mom or go back to work?

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I didn’t struggle at all with my decision to go back to work. DH makes more than enough to support us. My income is pure savings and fun money. But I love my job and knew I wouldn’t feel fulfilled as a full time sahm. LO is 14 weeks and I’m going back when he’s 17 weeks. We have a great (and very expensive) daycare where I know he will be happy, engaged, and entertained all day. This is something I just can’t give him. I can’t wait to go back. It will be good for everyone in the family for me to get out of the house and have my own life again!

Post # 4
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I struggle with wanting to stay Home and not being able to afford iT. Daycare costs are the same here, and I’d give anything to have the maternity leave you guys have. 

Post # 5
Member
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I left a job I loved to (mostly) stay home. Both because I’d be making only slightly more than daycare costs, and also because my husband used to be a daycare licensor in the area, and couldn’t find one he thought was acceptable for an infant. 

I do work part-time, mostly from home, with my momm, so if I’m working, she watches him (for free). It’s a bit the best of both worlds, but I do miss my old job.

Post # 6
Member
1553 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m planning to stay home, as if I kept working at my job, I’d basically make enough to pay for daycare and that seems silly.  We can afford it so it seems like the best option for us. I know it’ll be an adjustment though.

Post # 7
Hostess
10863 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@missjewels: Yes yes yes! As my manager told me you’ve got to think long term. If I wasn’t happy in my job, I would have TTC long ago, but like you I LOVE my job, so much so I’ve not TTC some months. But is there an option of going part time so you can have both?

Post # 8
Member
856 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@missjewels:  I am a SAHM. Its not for everyone. If we had to live a very frugal lifestyle or move to a smaller house I wouldn’t do it. My husband makes enough so that we can maintain our lifestyle. I love being home with our daughter. We have play dates, go to the library, errands, zoo and park this summer and the local museum. 

I don’t plan to ever work full time again. I will be going back part time when my oldest is in preschool in a couple years. I am a licensed speech language pathologist so there are plenty of part time or private opportunities. 

Its a tough choice. I suggest living off your husbands income exclusively right now while you are TTC. That way you can see if it works. Bank all your money so you have a savings cushion. Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
765 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I struggle too. I’m 13 weeks and I am in a very fortunate position where my company will let me take 1-year unpaid and hold my job for me. Like a PP I’m an Speech Pathologist and there is a lot of flexibility with where I can work and the hours I can set, HOWEVER I love where I’m at right now and the money is pretty solid. I get bored easily at home in the summers (I currently work for a school district) so I worry about getting resentful of the house and kid being solely in my care while my husband gets to go to work and at least get out of the house. I think I’m going to take the year and then go back. I don’t know if I’m equipped to handle more than a year at home.

Everyone is different and its ok if you do want to stay home and its ok if you don’t want to stay home. The choice, while difficult, is yours to make and if it doesn’t work out, quit and stay home if you can, or go and get a job again.

Post # 10
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

@missjewels:  

Hi! For us, the decision was made from the beginning that I would stay at home for the first few years. I’m very fortunate that at my job, this is just considered extended leave without pay, so I can go back to my employer, but not my specific job.

But I love my job, and I love my team, and I’m nervous about having to start all over again when I go back with a new job and new team. In a way, I’d like to go back because I do miss it.

In our case, I am now on my second maternity leave. I went back to work when my son was 14 months old, for about 6 months and then was back on leave to have my daughter.

I can tell you that as much as I miss my job, I never missed it as much as I missed my son when I was at work. Also, being a working mom is feasible, but you have to come to terms with the fact that your home will never be quite as neat as you’d like, your meals, not as healthy as you’d like.

The key is to find the right balance between children-housework-work.

I am happier managing only two of those aspects. I believe that my children will benefit more from me being home with them. Those are years that happen once in a lifetime and that we’ll never ever get back. I am essential to those little ones. I love my work, but I am not irreplaceable and I am sure I’ll find work that I like eventually when I do go back. Work opportunities are just not as unique in a lifetime than being there to see your children grow up.

Post # 11
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I would also tell you to go on paid mat leave, see if you like being home and make your decision from there.

Post # 12
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@ExcitedScaredBee:  I am with you.  I think it depends on the person, and each person should do what is right for them and depending on their circumstances and husbands’ preferences.  For me, I will not be happy staying home.  it will be worth it to pay the $1000 a month or whatever it is for a few years to get a child (or children) to the point of school age. 

 

My mom was a stay at home mom (no college degree) and when my dad got laid off when they were almost 50, she felt sort of helpless to pick up any slack.  Also, once me and my older brothers were out of the house, I think she was restless. She has had a minimum wage job for many years but she is a smart person who I think could have benefitted from the stimulation of a more challenging job.  

 

On the other hand I have a friend who wants nothing more than to be a SAHM and she is smart and witty and crafty and on the go all the time, but I could still see her doing the SAHM thing forever and it being the right thing for her.  Just depends on the person!! 

Post # 13
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

We plan on having my partner be a stay at home Dad, since I make much more money. I’m glad he will get that once in a lifetime type experience with our future kids that a pp mentioned. I think it’s easier for moms to bond with kids, and him having that constant one on one time with them will allow him to bond much deeper with them (at least I hope!). 

Post # 14
Member
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have a 9 week old at home and honestly, I am ready to go back to work. I am in Canada also and thought I’d be loving my maternity leave. I just don’t. I loved my job and miss it terribly. I am thinking i’ll likely go back to work when my son is maybe 9 months old, if I still feel the same way. The cost of daycare is a huge detterant, and it’s hard to find daycare for little ones (under a year) in my area. It’s a tough go. I feel very alone, bored and anxious through the day and wish I was back at my office 🙁 You’ll just have to wait and see how you feel!! 

Good luck hun!

Post # 15
Member
2594 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I also like my job, like working (most of the time), like my co-workers, and like getting out of the house! If I stay full-time at my job I make decent money, but if I go part-time I will be on a hourly wage that is probably barely more than I would pay for child care! I’m still leaning towards working part-time, though. I think is the best option for me, and my husband thinks so, too. I think I NEED to work at least a little for my own sanity and self-esteem, but full-time would just be too much. Good luck to you!

Post # 16
Hostess
4941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@missjewels:  When DH and I found out that we were pregnant and were trying to chose on whether or not I should return to work, it was a really easy choice for us. I know that your maternity leave up in Canada is much different (better) and allows you to really get time with your little one. Here in the states, we get practically no time and it’s for the most part, unpaid. 

I work a part-time, minimum wage job and what I make in a month doesn’t even come close to what it would cost to cover child care. There’s that factor, and then DH and I also decided it was much more important that I stay home with our daughter versus having someone else watch her all day. That’s just our personal choice. 🙂 We’re very blessed that he has the job that he does that will allow us to do this. I also cannot stand my job (I work in a restaurant) and think being a full-time mother will be much more rewarding. 

It’s totally different for everyone! My manager came back to work (she just had her son 3 months ago) only because she needed the insurance since her husband has none through his job.  

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