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I haven't really seen any postings on this, but when you get married is anyone going to be a stay at home wife? I am graduating this December and then doing volunteer work for 3 months with a child life specialist, the following month I'll get married. Fiance and I have talked and there is really no need for me to get a job, he has a very well paying and secure job with the company he's with, so really the only way I'd work is if I wanted to, and honestly I'd rather just volunteer a few days a week. Is this too much of a cop-out? Anyone else being a stay-at-home wife.
I couldn't be a stay at home wife. I have been going to school exclusively since July and I'm going stir crazy. My husband makes a decent amount but once I start working, it means we will have more in savings and more fun money. I would rather do that than be at home and not being able to go out and have fun together.
I have a stay at home hubby! He works for himself and manages his own portfolio so there is no need for him to get a job and I just work because I think I would go stir crazy staying at home. It works out great! He can pick up (I help clean), runs errands, take our kitties to vet appointments, pay bills, grocery shop, etc. so that when I come home we have more quality time together. I say more power to you!
I was a stay at home girlfriend for a period of about 6 months between when i graduated law school and when i found a job. Finances were certainly not an issue as FH makes very good money. But I was just going crazy after about 3 weeks. I became so needy and clingy with FH. My day sort of revolved around him getting home from work. There's only so many things you can occupy yourself with all day when you're alone, (my friends worked). I was miserable. So no, this really isn't an option for me.
I am so burned out at work right now that that idea sounds great to me. I often jokingly ask my FI if he'd be okay with it, but it isn't really an option for us. Plus, despite the burn out, I'd miss my job if I was away for too long.
@pren79 - thanks for the link, but we're not planning on having children for at least 2 or 3 years after we get married, so I'm really asking about being just a wife
We both have a good amount of money we inherited, so money is a non-issue for us. The stir-crazy thing is what worries me which is why I have the volunteer-"job" lined up. I was really just curious if there would be any other stay at home wives out there???
I "work from home" but I don't really have a lot of said work, so I'm basically a stay at home fiancee right now. FI and I both love it! I told him I'd go get a job after the wedding, but he really doesn't want me to. I haven't made a final decision just yet. We want to renovate the house, so the extra cash would be nice. Plus it feels kind of weird to be nearly 30 and home every day when all your friends are out working their butts off.... But honestly, I'm really happy! I love being home! I don't know how I balanced everything with a fulltime job before. Or maybe I've just become a lot less efficient ;)
I couldn’t do it long term, because I’d go stir crazy – working from home I would love, but I would still need work. It would have to be pretty “meaty” (brainy/challenging) volunteer work for that to suffice, for me personally.
Going straight from college to being a SAHW seems (IMO) pretty risky. Should anything happen (not only with your relationship, but even just with your FH’s job, say he lost his job), you’ll have no work history, no work references, no real hands-on networking in your field. Even if your volunteering was directly related to your work field, it’s still different than work experience. Your future social security payments will be basically nil, if you never work. I guess there are a lot of things to weigh, but if it works for you, there’s certainly nothing wrong with not working.
I think if you have the opportunity to stay home and your FI wants to support you then that is great! Especially volunteering with your free time, I think that is admirable. The rest of the time you can keep house, cook and take care of your man. Sounds fabulous to me but I definitely have more of a 1950's mentality than most women I know and I love it and my man has ZERO complaints! My dream job is to be a house wife/ stay at home mom.
No cop out in my opinion. A marriage is a team effort, I don't agree with needing your "own" finances.
@garbrielleelise: You can claim spousal payments for SS even if you don't work but they are only half of your spouse's payment I think. You can also do that if you divorce but you can't get remarried.
Whoa! If I were you I'd be all over that!!! haha! I don't mind my job but I would LOVE to not have to work!!! I'm jealous and I don't mind admitting it!
I know that wouldn't work for me. I go crazy without having a bazillion things to do, which is why I usually hae a couple jobs and I've been in grad school for the past 2.5 years. I don't know how I'll handle just having one job and no school and no wedding for most of the summer.
I think it would be boring if you didn't have any children to run after (the most common reason for staying-at-home).
Maybe if you had a business that you could run out of the home - but I think not working and not having anything to do all day would be awfully lonely. Plus I'd feel like I'd have to ask to spend money.
My FI could support both of us but with both of us working we're just saving my salary - so it's nice to just add to our savings so we always have money when we need it. Plus in this economy even if his job is secure it doesn't mean his company couldn't fall on rough times and go under.
I love what I do so maybe that makes a difference. I also feel like it would be a waste of my money spent on education if I wasn't working.
I'd love it - if when you say you inherited a good amount of money you mean a huge amount of money. If I was independently wealthy, I maybe wouldn't work in a typical job though I'd want to leave my mark on the world on one way or another so I would definitely find something I was passionate about to do but there's nothing wrong with volunteering and enjoying life and playing hooky for a couple years if you have the means. The only issue I'd have is if you inherited a good amount but not a fortune - you can't live off it for the rest of your life - I would not want to be so very dependant.
We won't be getting married for 2 yrs but we will probably consider it. The thing is he will probably still have at least a year of school left when we get married, so it will depend on what his job situation is then and if we can afford it financially. We don't plan on kids for 2-3 yrs after marriage and when that time comes, I definitely plan on being a sahm, but until he finishes school and is secure in a good job, being a stay-at-home wife is probably a luxury I would love but won't be able to afford. :/
ETA : @Soon2bBB - Love how you put it! Honestly whenever I think about life in 10 or 15 yrs, I know I want to be at home with some kids cooking and cleaning - maybe I'll take up sewing too haha! I plan on a career for a few yrs but I've always seen myself as the stay-at-home fifties-type housewife. I get some strange looks from my more "feminist" relatives & friends at times lol. ;)
The first two months FI and I lived together we were in Sweden so I was unable to work and I loved being at home. I never really felt bored and this was even in winter when there was no going outside. My FI and I plan on me staying home once he is established in his career and we are both so happy about it! Also I did not feel that my FI was in control because he was the only one working I was still the one doing the grocery shopping and if I wanted a new shirt or something I was aware that we were able to afford it so I would get it.
Even if you inherited some money, unless it's a large amount, you still need to be able to support yourselves. Don't you want to be able to take that money and pass it on to your children? Just saying. Even if my parents passed away and I had my inheritance, I'd feel wasteful living off it. I'd feel like, "i'm young, I should save it for my children" for a rainy day. Cuz money DOES run out. You're the same age as me--i think you might be jumping the gun a little, money wise. Unless an oil tycoon left you a fortune =].
I don't think many women are stay at home wives for the sheer fact that people need money and need to work and it's simply not feasible for a spouse to stay home when children are not involved.
My parents are retired and have been since their mid 40's and really love it, though. They own property, so they still make money, but they are free to do as they like. I'd rather work now and retire later, than "retire" now. But there's nothing wrong with a small break if you feel burnt out.
Also, since you want to volunteer and make a difference, you could use some of your inheritance to start a not for profit company or home business.
Gabrielleelise has a really good point. Does the volunteer work you would do have anything to do with your field of study or what you'd like to do as a career? My only concern is what if, God forbid, something happens to your husband? My dad died when I was 3. My mom was a sahm at the time, but taught school prior to having children. She was easily able to get a job and support herself, me and my siblings after my dad passed away because she had work experience. If it makes sense to you and your FI for you to stay at home, that's awesome. But you may want to consider continuing to develop an employable skill, whether it be through volunteer work, a class or 2 here and there to stay current in your field of study, or a part time job.
I do agree with the others about the inheritance. Just remember that this money is going to have to last you for probably another 50+ years. Just make sure that you would be okay if something happened to your husband before he reaches old age.
I'm a stay at home wife. My situation is a bit different as I moved to England after the wedding to be with my husband and haven't worked since (4 months now). I know we are very fortunate to be able to do this. I do find that I feel a bit adrift sometimes. I don't miss work necessarily, but I do miss having a schedule and important tasks to do. I help DH with his work (he's self-employed) when I can, but I'm getting itchy to have something that is mine to do.
It is nice to be so free, but sometimes I get sick of doing laundry and dishes and household stuff- even though I definitely feel that I need to do them to contribute to our household... not that DH has EVER said that and wouldn't want me to feel that way.
Well my FI makes his money off of his inheritance which he has invested and now lives off of the dividends. He is fiscally responsible and financially secure, and he didn't inherit millions either.
If you are smart with your money an inhertiance can last you a lifetime. You just need to know what to do with your money, but it IS possible.
i'm a stay at home wife.
when we were engaged, i ended up quitting an extremely stressful job that was making me physically and emotionally ill. before i quit we discussed money and everything else, and we decided everything would be fine with just him working. it was great b/c i got to spend lots of time wedding planning and doing diy.
i started looking for a job during that time and my husband said that i should just put it off until after the wedding since people probably wouldn't want to hire me right before a wedding and honeymoon anyway, and this way i won't be too stressed. and then we decided not to look for one any time soon b/c we wanted to get pregnant asap after the wedding, and since i have awful migraines we were worried that it would be way too much to be pregnant, have migraines, and a job. so i've been home!
i really don't get bored. i do most of the housework, cook, and i get to create art whenever i have nothing else to do. i have a friend who's a stay at home mom that i try to get together will once a week during the day. i get that some people would be bored, but for me it works.
I've been a stay-at-home fiance for nearly a year. It's been nice since we relocated to a different state, FI is very supportive and grateful to have me home to play the 1950's housewife role :) I don't get too bored, people would be surprised how easily your day can fill up. I do get a little lonely being that I live in a new state and don't work/go to school so I don't really have an outlet to make new friends.
I've also been looking into some volunteer work. If I found the right job, I'd probably enjoy doing something part-time. I keep an eye out for good opportunities but in this economy I haven't seen too much to jump at.
I have a close friend who lost her job a few months before the wedding and is in this situation at least for now - her field is shedding jobs so it's hard to get a new one. She is not very happy about it... there's really very little stimulation and she found that a lot of the places she wanted to volunteer didn't need her.
As others have brought up, if something happens either to your husband or your marriage, having no work experience is going to seriously hinder you. As for inheritance money, it does really depend how much it is and how much you spend. It sounds like your fiance knows what he's doing with his money, but what about you? I don't want to get too specific, but in general if you need to live off it for 50+ years, it really does need to be at least a few million in order to support you.
I have been a stay-at-home fiancee for about two weeks and honestly I love it! I enjoy that the house is clean, we eat home-made meals, I have time to work out etc. Generally with all the wedding stuff I have felt like my days have been very full. I'm not sure what will happen in a couple of months after we come back from the wedding/honeymoon. I might look for a job working from home or take some online class to keep me busy. The only concern I have is telling my family- I have always been very independent, and I'm not sure they would take it so well.
I am taking classes, working toward a different career, post my college graduation. I enjoy not having a random job right now, but I personally HAVE to be working toward something, all of the time. Like others have mentioned, it is good not to be dependant.
My mother inhereted 2 million and it was spent within a few years. I know that is an extreme case, but -Money has to constantly be watched a renewed, unless you are filthy wealthy.
However, if you can do what you want and have the means to- and that doesn't involve working, more power to you. I think life is to be enjoyed and to be happy, and if you are comfortable not working, if not working is what does it for you, you are very lucky. Do what is right for you.
There are two things that I would be worried about.
1) Lack of social interaction on a regular basis/becoming isolated
2) Foreclosing the possibility of EVER having a fulfilling job because employers won't understand such a large gap in employment for no good reason, not to mention the lost time that could've been used gaining skills.
That being said, I would love if I could go down to part time and be kind of a housewife other than that. I do like being domestic and I have a lot of hobbies and I wish I had more time to volunteer, but I don't think that going 100% housewife would be a smart move for me.
I think it's a great idea. There is a lot that goes into taking care of a home (or can if you take the time). Volunteering is a great way to get outside your house and to give back to the community. If you have children, you can devote more time to enjoying your family than you would be able to if you were working. Also for the folks who talked about the benefit of having a second income, you have to consider the high cost of quality child care and the unseen health costs of being stressed from work or eating fast food/easy prep meals.
Keep active and enjoy!
Some things are nice about it, and other things aren't great. A couple of years ago I had 2 months off while looking for a job. While some of it I loved, I started to feel stir crazy and cut off from other people. I felt like I couldn't spend any money because I wasn't bringing any in.
I think part time work or some kind of volunteering is a great idea. For me, eventually I want to cut back to part time work to have more time for house work and errands. Right now though, I have a house husband, he likes parts of it and hates parts of it. I love getting to see so much more of him now, but resent having to leave him when I go to work. It will be nice when we are both employed, I just hope that we can keep our work hours reasonable when we do.
Maybe someday? Really right now the main reason I need to find a job is to repay student loans. Once he finally starts getting his doctor salary we'll be secure, but I'll keep working once he becomes a doctor to help out with his student loan repayments. I'm hoping to pay mine off, then start repaying his within the next couple of years. Eventually I think I will probably end up staying home especially because with a doctor's schedule, it would be nice for our kids not to end up in daycare all day every day. Some people love daycare, but I was a daycare kid with parents that worked constantly and I was not a fan... so I'd like to try to spare my own kids from that if possible.
If you have the means and you feel that this is right for you, go for it! I am in a similar situation, I am blessed with means to not have to bring in a lot of money, and my fiance and I are looking forward to my being able to stay at home, take care of kids when we have them, and volunteer for wonderful places.
It definitely can have its ups and downs. It can also get a little lonely when the FI and friends are all working, out achieving things career wise and I'm not. However, I think it is a greatl thing to stay at home and make it a wonderful, warm place for your family to come home to at the end of the day. You'll have enough time to spend with your husband, take care of yourself, clean, volunteer for places that are important to you, and be with friends. You also have time to be there for friends and family if they need help. That certainly doesn't sound like a boring, bad, or underachieving life to me.
Depending on what your energy level is, it is definitely possible to be a "busy" stay at home wife. I do not consider myself a high energy person, but I've started volunteering at four different organizations and freelance write, and I still have more than enough time to clean house and finally get enough sleep! It has actually sharpened my concept of where my passions are by not working and being able to focus on what I love. I may be going to grad school next fall because of it!
So, if this is something you want to do, don't feel bad about it and don't feel like you're the only one doing it! Staying at home and making it a wonderful place for your family to come home to is a wonderful thing! Good luck with everything!
I would love to stay at home and raise a family! I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom! Ever since I was younger everyone else dreamed of going away to school and all I wanted to do was be a stay at home mom!
I have worked 50 hour weeks and am spending 6 months a year alone to help support FI while he advances in his career.
Once he hits a point where I can, I will most certainly be quitting my job and being a stay at home wife (most likely a stay at home mother at that point as well.)
I know I would be unhappy as a stay at home wife/mom. I mean, I want to stay with my kids for a little while after they're born, but not for years and years. I just graduated medical school, and I didn't toil through all those years of school to be a housewife... no thanks! I really want to use my skills and practice medicine... I'm so excited about my new career! 
I can't imagine staying at home after investing so many years and lots of money on an education that I am very proud of, unless I was on maternity leave, or injured or something. There are so many other reasons to work besides making money.
I agree with previous posters that if something ever happened to your hubby or even if you just wanted a change of pace and wanted to start working again, it would be difficult to explain a long gap.
I have been a stay at home fiancee for about 6 months now and I love it! I quit a horrible job that was making my life absolutely miserable. My fiance (he was my boyfriend at the time) disliked my controlling boss more than I did and so we discussed me staying at home. We both are so happy that I have this opportunity. He loves that I can meet him anyday for lunch and that I am always at home waiting for him in the evening. Plus, it allows me to be able to go on his work trips with him. If you can stay at home, go for it!
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