Post # 1
So as my husband and I talk about kids and babies, one thing comes up again and again… to be a stay at home mom to to be a working mom?
So I ask for opinions: For those mom’s that stayed home, did you have any regrets? What was the hardest thing about being a stay at home mom? What was the best thing?
For those of you who worked, same question– any regrets? The hardest part? the best part?
Post # 3
I feel strongly for staying home. I love it. almost everyday… lol but i would hate for someone else to be raising my kids (2 so far) The key is is to have a plan. dont just stay home everyday with your baby or kid, youll go insane. make friends ave playdates have hobbies, go to the gym (the YMCA is amazing for all of us).
everyday my children suprise me. they are the joys of my life. I have been there for every single 1st. everything the know is bc of me.they get my all, not me after a long day of work while rushing to make dinner and take care of a house and relax.
Post # 4
@the_newlymintedmrs-s17: I think if you can swing it financially, stay home at least until the kids are in school full time. I would love to have that opportunity. However, I am a very career minded person, I make more than my FI, and I’m worried that if I take 5+ years off from work, it will be very difficult to get back into the game.
We *could* make it on just my FI’s income, but I really don’t want to. In order to raise our kids how we want to (with family vacations, owning a cottage, signing them up for sports, etc), we really need two incomes. I know I will regret missing some special moments with my babies, so I am still up in the air about it. Logically, I want to keep working. Emotionally, I want to be home.
Our current plan is that I work from home 2 days a week, FI misses one day of work, and my mom watches our kids for the remaining two days. That would be the dream! I’m interested in responses to this thread too, hearing from women who have done both 🙂
Post # 5
I think I will SAH the first year because I want to breastfeed (without pumping) and be with the baby while it is a baby. DH is off at 2pm, so I won’t feel stuck at home alone all the day (I think it would be harder with a later shift). After that I will look into allotting more time to work (I am a studio artist- so I will always be working to some extent, because I can’t NOT create work- it just happens).
Post # 6
@the_newlymintedmrs-s17: I would be apprehensive about being a SAHM for any length of time. My mom stayed home with my sister and I (even though she had a degree), and then my dad left. By that time, my mom’s degree was useless and even now, 15+ years later, she is nowhere close to where she would be in her career had she worked.
Now I am not saying it’s bad to be a SAHM, I think it’s excellent for the kids… but there is a risk to it. You just can’t predict the future. I think personally besides being worried that the same thing would happen to me, I would miss adult company.
I don’t have a kid yet, but in my ideal world, I would be running a small business from home and so I’d have more flexible hours with my kid, but I would still probably use babysitter at times. I want to keep my skills current, or do something besides child-rearing.
If you only work to pay for daycare, though, that’s another story.. I know some moms do and that is not a nice position to be in.
Post # 7
@the_newlymintedmrs-s17: I so badly want to stay at home the first few years. We’re not TTC just yet but plan to towards the end of this year. It’ll be hard living off of one income, but being able to stay at home with my babies is so important to me. I fully intend to go back to work once they are in school full time. Hopefully I can use the SAH time to earn my MBA.
Post # 8
If I had my dream I’d be a SAHM, however there is no way we can do it financially. DH makes a good salary but there is no way we could survive on just one salary where we live. I honestly think it’s very unfortunate and I know it’ll break my heart to have my baby in daycare but there is no way around it, unless we uprooted our lives, moved to a completely different place and completely changed our lifestyle… and those are things we are not willing to do. My dream would be to have my mom or DH mom watch the babe while we are at work. But my mom lives 4.5 hours away and DH mom is still working with no retirement in sight 🙁
Post # 9
I’m due in June, and plan to stay at home for at least a few months, and then consider going back part-time (one 12hr shift a week at my job). I don’t want to work full-time because I would feel overwhelmed between baby and the long shifts and I don’t want to pay for daycare. If I do part-time, I can work a weekend day so my husband can watch the baby.. but the downside there is that I will be working every weekend, and we have frequent weekend plans with my/his family who are both out-of state. Ideally, I would find a work-from-home part time job! 🙂 We are both content with living off only his income, but it is nice to have supplemental income to put in savings or pay extra on our debt.
Post # 10
I chose to stay home. No regrets.
Post # 11
I will be completely honest here and say that I would feel ashamed to stay home. This is a completely warped mindset that I have to get over. My mom stayed at home and most of my sisters-in-law do, too, and they are all smart and well-educated and wonderful and happy.
For me, though, I just feel a lot of pressure to work. I live in NYC and all of my friends and coworkers have returned to work after having a baby. It’s just the norm in my circle. I also have 2 expensive advanced degrees that my husband helped me pay for, and I feel like he would think less of me if I stayed home, at least now while we live in NYC and I have a good job. He hasn’t said this; I just imagine it would be this way. I also would feel bad staying home while he continues to work, because I earn more than he does, and I’m sure he wouldn’t mind a break from the office, either. And finally, I would feel bad about myself — I invested so much in my career, and I really want to make a difference in my field. But on the other hand, I want so much to stay home and raise the kiddos. I don’t want someone else to do it.
I don’t know what my point is here, just that it’s complicated.
Post # 12
For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted nothing more in life than to be a SAHM. So while we don’t have kids yet, I fully plan to be a SAHM and don’t think I’ll regret one second of it. I’m really not career oriented anyway. My job is more just something that I enjoy doing that I can do up until the point I have kids.
Post # 13
No babies yet but I went to school for a bachelors degree and worked my way up to have the great job I do now. There’s no way I’d want to sacrifice it to stay home and loose the opportunity to be in the field, position and company I am now and love. Both DH and I came from 2 working parent homes. We both went to in-home daycares and loved it. We learned social skills, made friends, practiced math and did our homework all through elementary school. I always was proud of my working mom and she gives me the strength to strive for a great career for myself as well. Because both parents worked we could afford a nice home and to go on family vacations together. I love to travel and I want to give my kids that opportunity too. I just don’t think financially we could own the home we do now or be able to travel on just DH’s salary. I also take pride in having a career and want to inspire my children to work for their’s someday too. 🙂
Post # 14
When the time comes (and it won’t be for a while!!), I plan to stay at home. I have an amazing career and am well ahead of most others my age, but I would give it all up in a heartbeat for my future kids. There is no way I would ever put myself or my career before my kids.
Post # 15
It’s interesting to see the comments which seem to lean towards staying home and seeing the poll results that lean towards working, ESPECIALLY with women who don’t have kids just yet. Good food for thought!
Post # 16
@MrsFairyBee: We are the same way. Both of our parents worked while growing up and we are comfortable being working parents as well.
I have been developing my career for about 7 years now and if we have children, it won’t be for another 3 or 4 years. I don’t want to throw away a decade of hard work.
I can respect stay at home parents (mother or father), but it just isn’t for me. FI is considering dropping to part-time though (he owns his own business and would just hire another manager). So we will see.