Post # 1
I just need to get this out of my system.
I’ve been working for the same company for 3 years, so I’m quite close to my co-workers (95% of them are female.) I was a virgin until earlier this year, and they all knew that. They also know my Fiance, they approve of him, and they know I’m not a virgin anymore.
Now…. They seem to disaprove that their “innocent little Allison” isnt so innocent anymore. One girl says that I’ve become bolder since I’ve been having sex, and she misses me being sweet. The first time I came to work with a hickey (we got carried away) they about passed out.
I’ve discovered that I quite like rough sex. A lot. I like to have my hair pulled and I like to be bitten. Alex always bites the back of my neck/shoulder so its not out there in the open. We got REALLY rough about a week ago and he bit me so hard that it bruised all the surrounding skin. I’m not complaining, I asked him to do it, and I enjoyed it. Well, yesterday I was at work and I had a scratch on my shoulder, when I was scratching it I accidentally pulled my shirt down low enough that a coworker saw it. She immediately starting freaking out, first she thought Alex had punched me, then when I tried to explain that it wasnt a punch bruise, she figured it had happened during sex.
Well today I went in, and EVERYBODY that works there was staring at me. Finally my boss pulled me to the side and asked if Alex was abusing me and forcing me into stuff that I dont want. All day they were staring at me like, “poor little Allison.” Like they all think I’m naive and being tricked into this or something. Ugh, I know they mean well, but its MY LIFE. Ughughugh. >:[
Post # 3
WOW…whether they mean well or not, it’s totally inappropriate. Your sex life is private. Unless you decide to divulge the details they should stay out of it. Not very professional at all.
Post # 4
🙁 I don’t know what to say! That would suck! I certainly wouldn’t want someone judging what I did with my Darling Husband behind closed doors. Is there anyway you can let them know that discussing your sex life is off the table and it makes you feel uncomfortable? Is there a way for you to talk to Human Resources and let them know that this is not okay with you?
Hugs! Don’t feel ashamed of what feels right to you!
Post # 5
Thank you! I think they think that because we’re on friendly terms that they can just talk to me like that. But I wouldnt even want my best friends judging my sex life like that.
Post # 6
I think your co-workers reaction is perfectly normal. Whe you see a women with bruises that could not happen accidentally- like banging your shins on a table- it is only natural to be worred about how she was injured.
Thank goodness there are people in your workplace who care about you to notice the bruise and a boss who cares enough about you to bring up the subject of possible abuse.
I don’t think they are even thinking of your sex life, much less judging it. They were worried that you are being abused.
Post # 7
@julies1949: When I explained to her that it wasnt from Alex hitting me or hurting me in any way, she figured out that it was from when we were having sex. After that, I think she should have left it alone. And she definitely shouldnt have told all other girls we work with about it.
Post # 8
@allyfally: I agree with @julies1949: that it’s nice to have conscientious and caring co-workers and superiors. However, any conversations about your sex life should be off limits.
I would get guidance from HR on how to let your co-workers know you won’t tolerate them discussing your sex life. Any further discussions (or open speculations) about it is considered sexual harrassment.
Post # 9
@allyfally: I’m confused as to why you shared when you lost your virginity. You opened the doors to your sex life. And I have to say I doubt that you didn’t at least imply that the bruise was the result of sex. If you don’t want them involved, YOU need to stop the communication about it.
Post # 10
I think its nice they care. And honestly, most abused women deny that their significant others are the ones that caused whatever injury. So, I can see the concern on their part.
Post # 11
I would stop talking about sex at all. There’s no reason why they should have known you were a virgin, and there’s no reason they should know you started having sex. The next time it comes up you need to say “Sorry guys, I’m no longer comfortable talking about this subject” and then change the subject.
Post # 12
Personally even if I was close with coworkers I wouldn’t be telling them details about my sex life with them its so unprofessional on ever level. If they say a bruise and expressed concerned as they should. I would explain it isn’t an issues and let it go. Tell them your sex life isn’t up for discussion.
Post # 13
They are being a little intrusive but you opened the line of communication by telling them about your sex life in the first place. If I were in this situation, as your coworker, I would have thought it was totally ok to keep talking about it once it was brought up in such detail.
Post # 14
Im sorry, maybe I just don’t understand your work dynamic but this is why you should keep your private life private. Why did they know you were a virgin to begin with? Why do they know you aren’t now? Why are you allowing them to make comments?
And good concealer can cover a hickey, ask someone at a makeup counter. They will give you a color corrector and concealer. For future refrence.
Post # 15
Keep your personal life and your work life separate. I can’t even fathom this.
Post # 16
Just one word… makeup…
Then no more questions, stares, or anything. Your life is YOUR life, and a lot of people just puts their noses where it doesn’t belong, and you can’t stop that, nor can you pinch their noses when you really want to….LOL