Staying over at the BF's

posted 3 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@fainavach1992:  Hey! I am a bee who is waiting for marriage to live together and have sex. We never spend the night together. I live with my family and he lives with his so that would be weird lol. 


Post # 4
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@fainavach1992:  hey! Mr. H and I aren’t living together, because I told him I didn’t want to live together until we are at least engaged (it’s my way of making sure we keep moving forward). However, we aren’t waiting for anything else like sex or sleepovers. In fact, we live in the same apartment building, and I sleep over every night…yes, in a way I’m defeating my own purpose. Lol. But it works for us. We cook together, sleep in the same bed every night, and it’s awesome. It’ll be even better once we have our own place because of a lot of reasons–the biggest being that I won’t have to pay for a seperate apartment that I see for less than an hour a day! lol. 


I don’t know if it’s sped up our process, but I do know that he and I both are kind of over having 2 households when we are so eager to merge our lives into 1. He mentioned my ring the other day, so hopefully engagement and one household are coming soon! 


What is your situation like?

Post # 5
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@fainavach1992:  While I am a woman who moved in with her fiance long before marriage, I fully support the practice of abstinence. I think it is a beautiful thing to commit to.

Moving in together absolutely put the brakes on my relationship. Men get comfortable, and if you are living the married life, why get married? It took a lot of firmness on my part to get him to propose – and we already have a daughter together. But we are both very excited to be married and though we are out of order, are very happy.

Stick to your convictions! It does sound like the two of you are “together” in an intimate sense if you are staying the night – I would limit it as much as you can stand.

Post # 6
7025 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@fainavach1992:  I waited until marriage to have sex (which I think is the same for you, looking at your old posts). I only slept over once, in the spare room at his family’s house, because he had a very early start and I wanted to see him in the morning. Otherwise no, there was no reason to.

Some of my friends have been forced to stay over occasionally due to travelling distance.

If no sex is involved, I don’t see how staying the night would speed up or slow down the marriage process.

Post # 7
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

After about 6 months, my now-husband and I spent every night together. 1.5 years after we started dating, we moved in together and 1.5 years after that, he proposed. I did not even utter a word about marriage; it was all him. He took me ring shopping, I didn’t make a big deal about it, and then he proposed. I was young (for my social circle at least), in no hurry, and neither of us would get married without living together for a while first. It worked out perfectly for us, but everyone is different.

Post # 8
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@fainavach1992:   I believe that not living with my FI sped up the whole engagement/marriage process.  We got engaged at 1.5 years of dating and our wedding will be 2 years and 2 weeks of dating. 

I think my FI was highly motivated to get engaged and married because it’s inconvenient packing up to go spend the night and maintaining two households.

We have sex so spending thenight is not taboo to us and we usually stay together 4-5 nights of the week depending on our schedules.  We probably spend 75% of that time at my house because I have dogs and I feel guilty either crating them or leaving them outside. 

Post # 9
397 posts
Helper bee


Hmmm it’s a very interesting question. I was always the one to say “I’m not moving in with him until I have a ring..or I’ll never get one!”  and a few years later (this March) we moved in together because financially it is really difficult to afford rent in my city (unless you are in a basement suite…yikes) …. but…. 9.5 years total, I am still waiting. I’m not sure if obstaing from sex would really speed up a proposal though…it may make him stray, I don’t know…  but definitely everything else made him comfy… cooking, cleaning after him… why buy the cow when you get the milk for free? Bah!

Post # 10
236 posts
Helper bee

I’m sure there are so many other factors that can effect the timeframe, but my friend who refused to move in together until they were engaged waited about 3.5 years to get engaged, and me and my FI were staying over every night, moved in together after slightly less than a year, engaged after 2 years, married in a few months (just over 3 years together)!


Post # 11
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

The plan was to originally not live together until we got married… but after being together for over 4 years it just felt silly travelling back and forth almost every single day. I don’t really officially live with him (not legally at least) and not a lot of my things are over there but I spend a good chunk of my time there.

I spend around 5 nights a week at his place but since there is work for him and school for me I don’t spend the days there – even when I am off I don’t like being there alone as it isn’t “my home” yet. 

Since marriage is 10 months away we are focusing on actually moving in together by the end of next summer at the absolute latest. We still feel a little weird about having a “home” together before we are even married but I think it’ll be nice to get used to living in a shared space all of the time together before we get married.

Post # 12
5160 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I didn’t live with my DH before marriage and in our case I do think it gave a little push.  However, we still dated a LONG time before getting married so maybe I”m not the best example.

On top of that, we didn’t live together due to visa reason (Canada/USA couple) not for chastity or other reason.  

Post # 13
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

FI and I don’t live together, but he stays over at most 2 nights a week.  Some weeks none at all.  It mostly depends on his work schedule and when he is in my town.  I live 30 minutes away, but work in the city he lives in.  So we mostly hang out in his town.

Post # 14
524 posts
Busy bee

We stay the night together on average 3 times per week. My parents don’t like it at all!

Post # 15
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

We don’t live together and won’t until we get married in a year and a half because of financial reasons.  Our parents offered to let us live at home until the wedding so that we could save money.  We usually spend the entire weekend together and sometimes during the week when we really miss each other.  So on average probably 8-10 nights a month.  I think if anything it makes it easier to wait for the wedding because although I miss him a lot at night when we aren’t together I have the weekend to look forward to.

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