Staying Strong

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Ummm…why are you putting yourself through this? This man cancelled your wedding. That says something. It means a) he isn’t ready (and he may never be–some men never get married), or b) he doesn’t want to marry you (I’m so sorry–I don’t mean to be hurtful, but that’s the message it sends. Men are very straightforward, and they say what they mean). I totally understand that you are hurt, angry and disappointed, but it sounds like you’re trying to force something to move forward that isn’t going to…and probably shouldn’t.  

Why stay with him if he makes you so upset and says hurtful things to you? Why waste any more time on someone who essentially told you that he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life with you?  You deserve better. Close the door on this guy and open the door for a guy who actually appreciates you. 

Post # 4
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Can I ask a serious, non condescending question? WHy are you in this relationship? Yes, you love him, but why else?

Post # 5
3557 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I don’t understand why you continue in this relationship. Every post of your’s on here is about being upset and unhappy with things in your relationship. From what I can tell you guys moved a bit too fast and moved in together during the honeymoon phase before you really got to know each other. Now that that has faded it seems like you guys are not as compatible as you thought. This relationship is not making you happy and is not meeting your emotional needs. I think it would really be best if you moved out and moved on with your life. Go find someone who makes you happy and treats you as you deserve to be treated.

Post # 7
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@sda519:  I wouldn’t continue to suffer for this man who has made it clear it doesn’t want to marry you. I don’t want to sound harsh, but if he said he doesn’t want to get married, then you need to believe him. You deserve a man you don’t have to walk on eggshells for, and a man who wants to marry you without any convincing on your part.

Post # 9
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I am going to tell you something that I wish someone would have told me when I was in less-than-optimal relationships….. It shouldn’t be THAT hard. Yes, relationships require some work. But the right relationship shouldn’t be constant work. And when there is work, it should be work that you ultimately find mentally and emotionally fulfilling. It is the best work of your life. From the perspective of an outsider looking in, you are not in an optimal relationship. This is not the right relationship for you.

Post # 10
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think it’s time to move on. From your other posts it sounds like he proposed after only about 5 months? I think the “honeymoon” phase is wearing off and you are seeing his true self. You should not feel like you need to scream and cry, or walk on eggshells with your future husband.

Post # 11
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@lovekiss:  Agreed!  My very smart dad told me the same thing many, many years ago.  He was right.  I went on to marry someone else, and we have now been married for over 30 yrs.  

Post # 12
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@lovekiss:  +1! I went through the same thing and I tell people that all the time. People have a misconception about relationships being “hard work”. If you have to push and pull to get your relationship to work all the time. Id’say it’s time to give it up. 

Post # 13
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

why are you still with this guy? you sound miserable. time to move on. 

Post # 14
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

@creativeplannertobee:  Wow–over 30 years? That’s awesome! Congrats!!

To the OP: Echoing the PPs–love isn’t this difficult and doesn’t cause this much heartbreak. You sound so unhappy. Being with the love of your life shouldn’t cause you this much misery. Time to cut your losses and move on. 

Post # 16
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Thankful? For what exactly? This guy is no prize if he’s treating you this way. He’s not worth it, you deserve better but you won’t find better until you feel you deserve it. I was you for 9 years and I wish someone would have knocked some sense into me. 


I wish you the best & I hope you find the strength to leave.

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