Post # 1
Well here I am. It is August 1, 2013. I TRY SO HARD TO BE OPTIMISTIC. I try so hard to “believe.” I really wish and prayed to God that by now I could feel better about Peter cancelling the wedding, however I am still SO SAD. It doesn’t help at all that he doesn’t want to talk about it and says thing like if he became a professor at a college I would get jealous of the girls. Are you serious? I asked him why he would even think such a thing and he just ignored me last night. Right now, I hate him so much that even if he did want to get married, I wouldn’t want to. I just don’t know if this is IT. I’m trying so hard not to let out my sadness, disappointment and anger on him, but it is so hard for me to not just be sad about the lost feelings of euphoria, “in-love,” “we are about to embark on the rest of our lives” feelings. My main goal right now is not to scream and cry around him. He would use that against me as reasons why we shouldn’t be married. However, who would not be resentful of that? I’m thankful that at the very least we didn’t have an argument last night. It’s going on 2 months now without a major argument…so for this I have to be thankful
Post # 3
Ummm…why are you putting yourself through this? This man cancelled your wedding. That says something. It means a) he isn’t ready (and he may never be–some men never get married), or b) he doesn’t want to marry you (I’m so sorry–I don’t mean to be hurtful, but that’s the message it sends. Men are very straightforward, and they say what they mean). I totally understand that you are hurt, angry and disappointed, but it sounds like you’re trying to force something to move forward that isn’t going to…and probably shouldn’t.
Why stay with him if he makes you so upset and says hurtful things to you? Why waste any more time on someone who essentially told you that he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life with you? You deserve better. Close the door on this guy and open the door for a guy who actually appreciates you.
Post # 4
Can I ask a serious, non condescending question? WHy are you in this relationship? Yes, you love him, but why else?
Post # 5
I don’t understand why you continue in this relationship. Every post of your’s on here is about being upset and unhappy with things in your relationship. From what I can tell you guys moved a bit too fast and moved in together during the honeymoon phase before you really got to know each other. Now that that has faded it seems like you guys are not as compatible as you thought. This relationship is not making you happy and is not meeting your emotional needs. I think it would really be best if you moved out and moved on with your life. Go find someone who makes you happy and treats you as you deserve to be treated.
Post # 6
I absolutely know the truth of everything you guys are saying. He knows it and I know it. We rushed everything and got off to a rocky start. There obviously is a part of me that wants to get us to start over…and “see.” Afterall, it isn’t everyday that I personally say yes to marrying someone. When I did so, I meant it. I want that person back. To be fair, for MANY months I wasn’t the same either. I’ve also been exploring leaving altogether…which will take so much damn energy and courage that I’m not prepared for RIGhT NOW. So at the moment I don’t know what to do
Post # 7
@sda519: I wouldn’t continue to suffer for this man who has made it clear it doesn’t want to marry you. I don’t want to sound harsh, but if he said he doesn’t want to get married, then you need to believe him. You deserve a man you don’t have to walk on eggshells for, and a man who wants to marry you without any convincing on your part.
Post # 8
@sda519: is there anyone you can stay with?
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I am going to tell you something that I wish someone would have told me when I was in less-than-optimal relationships….. It shouldn’t be THAT hard. Yes, relationships require some work. But the right relationship shouldn’t be constant work. And when there is work, it should be work that you ultimately find mentally and emotionally fulfilling. It is the best work of your life. From the perspective of an outsider looking in, you are not in an optimal relationship. This is not the right relationship for you.
Post # 10
I think it’s time to move on. From your other posts it sounds like he proposed after only about 5 months? I think the “honeymoon” phase is wearing off and you are seeing his true self. You should not feel like you need to scream and cry, or walk on eggshells with your future husband.
Post # 11
@lovekiss: Agreed! My very smart dad told me the same thing many, many years ago. He was right. I went on to marry someone else, and we have now been married for over 30 yrs.
Post # 12
@lovekiss: +1! I went through the same thing and I tell people that all the time. People have a misconception about relationships being “hard work”. If you have to push and pull to get your relationship to work all the time. Id’say it’s time to give it up.
Post # 13
why are you still with this guy? you sound miserable. time to move on.
Post # 14
@creativeplannertobee: Wow–over 30 years? That’s awesome! Congrats!!
To the OP: Echoing the PPs–love isn’t this difficult and doesn’t cause this much heartbreak. You sound so unhappy. Being with the love of your life shouldn’t cause you this much misery. Time to cut your losses and move on.
Post # 15
Post # 16
Thankful? For what exactly? This guy is no prize if he’s treating you this way. He’s not worth it, you deserve better but you won’t find better until you feel you deserve it. I was you for 9 years and I wish someone would have knocked some sense into me.
I wish you the best & I hope you find the strength to leave.