STD Question

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Jazzyjazz33:  I think you either have to invite everyone to both, or only people who are invited to the wedding to the reception.  Otherwise, you’re basically saying, “You’re not good enough to watch us get married, but you’re good enough to give us a gift.”  There’s my unsolicited advice.

I would just send save the dates to those you’re excluding from the ceremony that say, “Please join us on October 3rd for a party to celebrate the previous marriage of Name and Name” or something like that.  You need to make it clear that they aren’t invited to the actual event.

Post # 5
Hostess
9903 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Jazzyjazz33:  I’ve been to weddings like this, I’ve been on both sides – invited to the ceremony and reception, invited to ceremony and not reception, invited to just reception.

It’s never bothered me in the least.

I would say send a save the date card to everyone – I assume that by inviting them to the reception you’re inviting them for dinner and dancing (ie: whole reception).

Save the date to eat drink and be merry to help us celebrate our marriage – or something to that effect….

OR – just skip the save the dates all together, unless you’re having a wedding where a ton of people have to travel and make special arrangements they’re really not needed.

Post # 6
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee

@Jazzyjazz33:  My strongest recommendation is, that rather than sending “Save The Date” cards to all your guests, you write a personal note (or email) to only those people whose presence is essential to your enjoyment of your wedding day, letting them know in a personal and non-commercial manner of your plans. That is a great deal more intimate than a mass-mailing of advance advertising; and it has the advantage that it will not result in “STD regret”, the common bridal condition of having sent out save-the-date cards to people who, in afterthough, you do not truly want to invite.

Post # 9
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Send the STD to all those invited to the reception. Then when you send out your invites make it clear to the reception only folks they are invited to the celebration not the ceremony.

Post # 10
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Jazzyjazz33:  just an update. What did you end up doing? I’m having similar issues and not sure who to send the StD’s to, as I don’t want to offend anyone by making them assume they’re invited for the whole day whereas they won’t be, only for the reception and party. 

curious to hear how you solved this in the end. 

Post # 12
Member
1473 posts
Bumble bee

Jazzyjazz33:  i think you made the right decision! I was going to suggest skipping them altogether. 

Post # 14
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Jazzyjazz33:  Makes sense! Thanks for telling me 🙂

Post # 15
Member
2400 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Jazzyjazz33:  The reception is the good part, there have been many (Catholic, hour and a half, stuffy and hot) wedding ceremonies that I’ve wished I wasn’t invited to.  Nothing wrong with that and nothing wrong with not doing STDs.

Also your aunt clearly has no sense of time whatsoever, 2 weeks?  If you’d planned the entire wedding before the engagement that would work just fine.

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