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Well, you are right that its not the correct thing to do. We actually have a group of "non-STD" people - some more casual friends and work friends - who we purposely didn't send STDs even though we were seriously thinking about inviting them, just because we could see ourselves changing our minds (which is pretty bad too, I admit).
You can always send invitations and they might RSVP negatively, which lets you off the hook (and is maybe likely, if you really don't see them anymore). Are a couple of people one way or the other really going to make a big difference? All etiquette aside, here's the thing: If you don't send them invitations, and then you run into them somewhere and they say "Hey, I was really looking forward to your wedding, I thought your STD said it was in June, what happened?" Are you going to feel really bad? Are you going to have no problem telling them that you just changed your mind about inviting them? Are you gong to have to hide behind something every time you see them in the grocery store, or at a party, or in Starbucks?
I know it's completely not kosher, but I totally did this to a couple of people. They were marginal friends only and one lives on the other side of the country from me. I figure if it ever comes up, I'll just look surprised and say it must have gotten lost in the mail and that explains why we didn't get an RSVP from them. If they ask why we didn't call them to find out if they were coming, I'll just say that we were so busy right before the wedding that we didn't end up getting to call everyone. I must be feeling guilty though if I've thought this much about what I would do!!!!!!!
FYI: totally not advocating the practice, just sharing exeriences.
Nope, you should send them an invitation. You can't ask someone to save the date on their calendar, only to change your mind.
yeah i'm considering doing something like that too.. instead i feel guilty of getting addresses early and not sending them an STD or already sent STDs but we just don't see each other at all or talk enough to warrant an invitation. It was more out of obligation to send to them and I went through the list million times to only want close ppl. I don't want to feel I have to chit chat during my wedding but when it comes down to it; I just want to have ppl that I talk to more there with me.
If you really don't want to invite them, I'd say you've gotta suck it up and tell them that you can't invite them after all.
"We had some unexpected expenses, and had to cut the budget, etc etc, terribly sorry, let's go out to dinner afterwards."
Be prepared for the person to be hurt, but it's better than just avoiding the situation. That'd be like breaking up with someone by just not talking to them anymore 
Peihan, you have some serious cojones! But you're right, it is absolutely the right thing to do. Its just much easier to do what bonniebell did - and I would be so tempted. I love your "invitation lost in the mail" excuse! (What? It happens!!)
Hehe thanks, suzanno. Luckily, I haven't had to do something like that before, so I can't actually claim said cojones [yet] 
Most likely I'd feel so bad that I'd go to great lengths to be able to invite them anyway, but that's not helpful advice, so...
I'm in a similar situation but it's moreso that there are people we have told would be invited and now I'm feeling like I don't want to invite them anymore.
Is it ok to not send an invitation to someone who you have verbally mentioned was invited?
I know this sounds really bad, but I think we got caught up in the wedding and when we're talking about to people sometimes we just spit it out....only to later realize we had no intention to invite them :)
I agree with Peihan17
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You must call them. Use Peihan's script. And bonniebelle - you 100% must call them - any out of town guests may have started to make arrangements. Since we've moved away from most our friends, every wedding equals 4 expenses: airfare, hotel, my outfit, and gift. We do not want all 4 of these on the same credit card statement! So, one month we buy the plane tickets, one month we buy the present, one month I find myself a lovely dress and justify the expense, and finally the month of the wedding we pay for the hotel (most hotels usually don't charge until you stay there, so this has to be saved for last). I actually know people in California who received a STD for a wedding in Rhode Island - and never received an invitation - but had already taken care of airfare. You MUST personally call everyone who received a STD and say that for various reasons you are having a small, intimate wedding with family only and though you really had hoped they could celebrate your special day with you, you are now having a much smaller fete than when you sent the STDs. And I would make this call as soon as you know you aren't inviting them so you they don't make plans.
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i think i would rather suck it up and invite these guests who received the STD's. do you really want to go through the awkwardness and embarrassment of telling them that they are no longer invited?
If you sent them a STD, then you really should send them an invite to the wedding. If you've really grown apart as much as you say you have, then chances are, they'll decline to the invite anyway.
MsB: If you only verbally mentioned the wedding and them getting an invite, then no, you absolutely do not have to invite them. (especially if there was alcohol involved) That's much more easily explained away after the fact, then not inviting someone you already sent a STD card.
I agree with Dahlia. From your post you *may* have lost touch with these STD guests - but is it b/c you are busy and they are as well? And the new non STD guests - are you closer to them now because of geographic proximity? I feel that some guests on my list should not be there but i have FAITH that when the day comes, I will be happy to see them. It's like that phrase - go with your first instincts its usually right. So when you first made the STD list these guests must have meant something to you despite the drifting away feeling that you currently have. I hope that helps.
You should invite them. Sending a save the date is just short of receivign a formal invitation. People may have said not to another engagement already because of your wedding.
If you drifted apart during that time they will most likely say no. They probably won't want to spend the money on a gift, travel etc for someone they have lost touch with and will decline.
If you just verbally invited them it is not as much of an issue. This happens a lot and then the guest list has to shrink....but most people finalized the guest list before sendign the save the dates or kept some people on reserve just in case.
honestly, i think it is in bad form not to invite the ones you've essentially invited (an Save the Date is really an invitation, no matter how informal). so just invite them, and who knows, if its' really meant for you to lose touch with them, they may not be able to come after all.
I am in the same boat. I sent an STD to someone I had been good friends with in the past. Over the course of the past year, this person has proven to not be the friend I thought she was over the years. So, despite never having been congratulated on my engagement by her, I sent the STD to her. Even after my concern over whether I really wanted her there or not. She's not once asked me about my wedding or plans and yet has gossipped about it to many people I know. NOT the sign of a good friend. She's recently copped a major attitude and not even given me the courtesy of a "hello" at an event. It was that last instance that I decided, etiquette or no, she will not be receiving an invitation. I know it's rude, but I will not reciprocate her rudeness with an invitation. This one can go to someone more deserving.
It's a tough call for you, but at the end of the day, it's your wedding. Make your decision and stick to it.
:D
i think there is a difference between losing touch with someone and actually choosing not to be friends any longer. so yes, if s/he has done something to change your friendship, this may be a different story. but if it is merely b/c you changed your mind and you've already invited them, then i think you have to just accept that you may have to count them in.good luck!
the point of a save the date is so that they can: a) make travel arrangements early (if necessary), and b) not schedule any other events bc they're coming to your wedding. it would be the same as rescinding a formal invitation. in this case, if you absolutely must do it, you have to confront them like peihan said.
Here's the same question but with bit of a different angle... If you send a Save the Date and then you find out they're not coming, do you still have to send the invitation??
I'm struggling with this now and it's driving me nuts... It's a bit different since it's a destination wedding and we're asking them to RSVP by email pretty much as soon as they can so we can reserve flights/rooms. If they say no, do I still send the invite? (hand-made... so if I can save myself the trouble, how happy I'd be!)
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Even though you already know they won't be able to attend, you should still extend the courtesy of a formal invite. Otherwise, it's a bit like saying "Well, since I know you won't be attending and giving a gift, then I'm not even going to bother inviting you at all."
Formal invites should be sent to every person, whom you would tuly like to share in your big day. Regardless of any previosuly known circumstances that would prevent them from attending.
That said, I can only assume that since you're having a destination wedding, you already had a small, intimate guest list of your closest friends and family to begin with. I understand not wanting them to feel any more guilty about missing your big day then they probably already do.
When in doubt, I say there's nothing wrong with letting someone know they're important to you and will be missed. :) Good luck!
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I agree, ynichole. We have some elderly relatives that I know will not come, as they just can't travel. Both FI and his mom have asked why we are even "wasting" invitations, and I just keep thinking that they deserve the courtesy of being invited even it we know they can't come. You said it perfectly - its because they are important to us and we will really miss them. I think my use of the word "courtesy" somehow convinced FI it was something from an etiquette book, but I really meant what you said - and because although we understand that they can't be there, we really wish that they could.
Thanks, gals. I will take your advice to heart and send out invites to everyone who gets the STD... even though it means 120+ hand-made cards to make. The FH seems to think that since it's a destination wedding, it means he can invite EVERYONE he knows. :-(
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I sent out my STD's several months ago. Since then, there are a couple of people that were sent STD's that I have since lost touch with. I'm now trying to decrease the size of my guest list and wonder if it's OK to not invite them despite their having been sent a STD. I kind of feel like it would be a really tacky thing to do but at the same time, I would rather cut them from the list than someone who I am closer to now but who I didn't know when the STD's went out.