my MOH is planning a wine tasting weekend in Santa Barabra for my bachelorette, I'm super excited and so are all my GFs - there is going to be 8 of us, we are renting a limo and going wine tasting in the SB area. So one of my bridesmaids mentions to me that her boyfriend "surprised" her with a wine tasting trip to Temecula for all of our same friends for her birthday A WEEK before my bachelorette trip!! WTF? So then she tells me that she made him cancel it and then is going to plan a LA trip outing for her birthday complete with a limo, expensive sushi night and clubbing. She kinda made me feel bad about having to cancel her wine trip but my bachelorett has been planned for WEEKS!!! Have any of you guys had an experience like this?
What exactly is the problem here? It seems like you were upset that your friend's boyfriend planned a wine tasting birthday close in time to your wine tasting bachelorette party, but then she changed it, so what's the problem? Did you expect her not to do anything for her birthday? I don't think it's really reasonable, or even possible to schedule a BP so that it doesn't fall near anyone's birthday.
As far as her making you feel bad for canceling, I would say to let that one go. If she's resentful towards you for her own decision to change her plans, there's not much you can or should do about that, in my opinion.
Beachbride, I didn't mean to offend you. I really don't understand why you're upset. Do you think you were wronged in this situation (with the BP)? If you're annoyed and just want to vent, can you explain why you're annoyed?
I didn't say that your problem was unimportant. I asked what it was, because it's not obvious to me what it is.
I think Miss Snapdragon's response was reasonable, so no reason to be snippy =)
Similar complaints have come up before with friends/relatives scheduling weddings before or close to other people's, and the answer I like best (which would also apply here) is that you get one day. Not a week or a month, but a day.
Even if your friend had not changed her plans, I wouldn't see a problem with it. A birthday is just as much a reason for celebration as a bachelorette, and there's no reason her boyfriend can't give her a nice present, right? Be happy that you get to go on a fancy trip to LA instead! :)
If I was one of your friends I would be psyched to have such awesome weekend plans two weekends in a row. I would not be comparing them. Plus a bachelorette is just more crazy fun than a birthday, you get to make your friend wear ridiculous outfits, and do silly things, and people tend to let their hair down more. I guess its because each person gets just one bachelorette (hopefully).
I see the issue- I hate how some bloggers downplay feelings- everyone has a right to feel as they personally wish.
I guess the thing I see is that the two weekend were really exactly the same in nature with the same people- however, I do think your friend was very very nice to go out of her way and change her plans to accomdate your request for no two wine weekends in a row. That's a pretty good friend.
I don't think there is any right or wrong because her boyfriend had planned it, not her. I think the end result was for the best though and I see how you feel. I would just be mad for a bit (not at your friend but at the situation), then let it slide. That's what I did when a similiar situation happened to me.
I know it's frustrating, but it seemed as though she already tried to do a bit of damage control by trying to "Change up" the plans a bit so it doesn't sound TOO familiar to your bachelorette party. I would give her some credit. Really, all that's familiar now is a limo but a limo is usual game for a day out on the town (or night..). Try to see it as a opportunity to party hardy 2 times instead of one!
Also, please relax. The snappy comment you made directed towrds MissSnapDragon was totally uncalled for. She's genuinely trying to help and was in no way referring to your problem as unimportant or not validated. It's doesn't help to better understand your situation and it is quite a put-off.
We're just trying to help and offer some insight to soothe the way you feel about the situation. I'd be frustrated, too.
I don't think you should expect your friend not to be able to celebrate her bday just because you are getting married. Its not like its on the same weekend. and she was nice enough to change it, wasn't she?
my MOH is planning a wine tasting weekend in Santa Barabra for my bachelorette, I'm super excited and so are all my GFs - there is going to be 8 of us, we are renting a limo and going wine tasting in the SB area. So one of my bridesmaids mentions to me that her boyfriend "surprised" her with a wine tasting trip to Temecula for all of our same friends for her birthday A WEEK before my bachelorette trip!! WTF? So then she tells me that she made him cancel it and then is going to plan a LA trip outing for her birthday complete with a limo, expensive sushi night and clubbing. She kinda made me feel bad about having to cancel her wine trip but my bachelorett has been planned for WEEKS!!! Have any of you guys had an experience like this?
posted by beachbride1008 32 posts 5 months agoWhat exactly is the problem here? It seems like you were upset that your friend's boyfriend planned a wine tasting birthday close in time to your wine tasting bachelorette party, but then she changed it, so what's the problem? Did you expect her not to do anything for her birthday? I don't think it's really reasonable, or even possible to schedule a BP so that it doesn't fall near anyone's birthday.
As far as her making you feel bad for canceling, I would say to let that one go. If she's resentful towards you for her own decision to change her plans, there's not much you can or should do about that, in my opinion.
posted by MissSnapdragon 88 posts 5 months agoOk sorry obviously black vs. champagne dresses are a much more "important" problem.
posted by beachbride1008 32 posts 5 months agoBeachbride, I didn't mean to offend you. I really don't understand why you're upset. Do you think you were wronged in this situation (with the BP)? If you're annoyed and just want to vent, can you explain why you're annoyed?
I didn't say that your problem was unimportant. I asked what it was, because it's not obvious to me what it is.
posted by MissSnapdragon 88 posts 5 months agoI think Miss Snapdragon's response was reasonable, so no reason to be snippy =)
Similar complaints have come up before with friends/relatives scheduling weddings before or close to other people's, and the answer I like best (which would also apply here) is that you get one day. Not a week or a month, but a day.
Even if your friend had not changed her plans, I wouldn't see a problem with it. A birthday is just as much a reason for celebration as a bachelorette, and there's no reason her boyfriend can't give her a nice present, right? Be happy that you get to go on a fancy trip to LA instead! :)
posted by peihan17 222 posts 5 months agoDitto to peihan. Well put.
posted by peachypear 107 posts 5 months agoI can see how you would be upset. Its totally stealing your thunder, even if it wasnt intentional. You are allowed to be mad.
posted by LovelyRita 16 posts 5 months agoIf I was one of your friends I would be psyched to have such awesome weekend plans two weekends in a row. I would not be comparing them. Plus a bachelorette is just more crazy fun than a birthday, you get to make your friend wear ridiculous outfits, and do silly things, and people tend to let their hair down more. I guess its because each person gets just one bachelorette (hopefully).
posted by vyeta7 170 posts 5 months agoI see the issue- I hate how some bloggers downplay feelings- everyone has a right to feel as they personally wish.
I guess the thing I see is that the two weekend were really exactly the same in nature with the same people- however, I do think your friend was very very nice to go out of her way and change her plans to accomdate your request for no two wine weekends in a row. That's a pretty good friend.
I don't think there is any right or wrong because her boyfriend had planned it, not her. I think the end result was for the best though and I see how you feel. I would just be mad for a bit (not at your friend but at the situation), then let it slide. That's what I did when a similiar situation happened to me.
posted by IndianBride 179 posts 5 months agobeachbride1008,
I know it's frustrating, but it seemed as though she already tried to do a bit of damage control by trying to "Change up" the plans a bit so it doesn't sound TOO familiar to your bachelorette party. I would give her some credit. Really, all that's familiar now is a limo but a limo is usual game for a day out on the town (or night..). Try to see it as a opportunity to party hardy 2 times instead of one!
Also, please relax. The snappy comment you made directed towrds MissSnapDragon was totally uncalled for. She's genuinely trying to help and was in no way referring to your problem as unimportant or not validated. It's doesn't help to better understand your situation and it is quite a put-off.
We're just trying to help and offer some insight to soothe the way you feel about the situation. I'd be frustrated, too.
posted by JCM9608 470 posts 5 months agoI don't think you should expect your friend not to be able to celebrate her bday just because you are getting married. Its not like its on the same weekend. and she was nice enough to change it, wasn't she?
posted by dreambml 431 posts 5 months ago