stealing thunder? – best man eloping b4 wedding

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Unless she plans on wearing a big white one will notice or care…you might here people congratulate them but if they have any class they won’t let anyone get too carried away with talking about how they just got married. 


Post # 4
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I see where you ‘re coming from but really this is nothing. Don’t worry!!!!

People get married all the time. People get engaged and elope all the time. You can’t dictate what other people do. Friends weddings dates near each other? Happens all the time.

I had a reception and 2 weekends later it was my friends’ big destination wedding. Of course people talked bout my recent marriage and wedding. The friend’s parents even congratulated me and DH then. But that did not take away excitement for the couple we gathered for AT ALL.

You got to shake those feelings.

Post # 5
1410 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

If I’m understanding correctly, the weddings are 5 weeks apart? If so, I’m confused about the double wedding thing….anyhoo, all the people at your wedding have lives just like you. I’m sure there will be guests talking to other guests about THEIR recent accomplishments, i.e. new babies, new jobs, new houses, etc. if you catch my drift. 

HOWEVER, YOUR wedding is what is bringing them all together! Try to remember that on your day!

Post # 6
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I wouldn’t be worried about anything to be honest.  If anyone says anything about it being a “double wedding”, just say how happy you are for the couple and that love is in the air!  And then talk about how excited you are about YOUR wedding! 


And seriously, I wouldn’t worry about your wedding becoming partially theirs… at all!  People are there to celebrate you and your FI!!  It is pretty clear who the Main Couple are… 🙂

Post # 7
3889 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Your weddimg is in 6 weeks. They’re getting married this week. You’re being unreasonable! 

Post # 8
9204 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

I see where you’re coming from, but no one will compare the two, you will have a beautiful day 🙂 and tell those who are joking about a double wedding to shove it.

Post # 9
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

No one is going to care or notice. However, you stand to make it a much bigger deal if you focus on it.

I sort of come at this from the other side of things, and while the story isn’t identical, I think it can serve to be a reminder. I started dating my now-husband in October 2008. Our considerably older male friend met his now-wife and started dating her in April 2011. They were engaged by November that year and planned for a late April 2013 wedding. Meanwhile, my husband and I got engaged in June 2012.

We had our wedding in late March (about a month before our friend’s) because it was a lot cheaper, and because we didn’t want to wait 1.5 to 2 years after being together for so long already. We had the money and the means to get married, so we had a 9 month engagement.

You wouldn’t believe the drama that came out of it. We actually had no other friends in common with our friend (and from the way you describe things, this isn’t an issue for you anyway because your buddy’s eloping).

That’s all anyone wanted to talk about, including the other couple. It was very embarrassing when I attended their wedding shower, and the groom made a point of mentioning that we “had” to schedule our wedding before theirs while opening our present. I was never a big “it’s my wedding, guhuh, everyone look at me!” type of person. They were. Well, you can imagine.

It culminated with the other bride coming up to me on my wedding day and saying the very awkward, “You’re the only person who could look better than me in a wedding dress.” Her groom then turned to her and said, “I don’t know about that,” and started making out with her. Thanks for the backhanded compliment on my wedding day, guys. No, really. Thanks.

It’s a wedding. At the end of the day, no one is really going to care as much as you do. And you know, other marrying couples or newly married couples are likely to get some degree of attention on your wedding day. It’s on everyone’s minds and it’s just how the whole thing works. You already know what matters. Don’t let this bitterness fester inside of you until you do something like our friends did to us.

It doesn’t matter who started dating who when or who gets married first.

And like the others said – with all the jokes of a double wedding – just smile and say, “It’s so great we’ve all found the people we want to be with,” leave it at that and change the subject. Really, no one will care.


Post # 10
3424 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I agree with the PPs who say that the spotlight isn’t going to be on them. People may congratulate them, but no one is going to fawn over them at your ceremony! Just enjoy the celebration of love. They are adding to the celebration with their love. As long as she doesn’t wear a white dress it really doesn’t matter. People may ask to see her ring, but that’s about it.

Try not to let it bother you. THink about the huge amount of love that will be filling the space where you and your beloved will be wed.

Post # 11
3623 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Red Panda:  I can sort of see your point, but I would say not to worry about it. We are going to a wedding 2 weeks before ours (and they will be coming to ours). They had a 12 week engagement. We are going to another wedding the weekend we get back from our honeymoon for a couple who has been engaged 7 months. I fully expect my bridesmaid to get engaged to her boyfriend of 3 months before my wedding. All of these events will be special and none will take away from your moment.

It won’t be a double wedding and people may congratulate them, but the focus will be on you. You will be the one cutting the cake, saying the vows, and having a first dance. Not them. It’ll be fine.

Post # 12
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Thunder cannot be stolen and you will still be the bride on your weddign day. I’m sure people will talk to him about his recent marriage and want to meet his new wife, but it won’t take away from your attention (unless you can talk to all of your guests about different topics simultaneously). Weddings are like family reunions anyway, so it’s great when your guests have recent life events/accomplishments to share with other people (it keeps it interesting for everyone).

Post # 13
2694 posts
Sugar bee

Six weeks is plenty of time between two weddings. I was a BM once and one of the other BMs got married just four weeks before. Trust me, no one will notice. You will still get all the thunder you want.

Post # 14
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Five (six?) weeks is ample time between the weddings. Don’t let it get to you. 

Post # 15
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It’s not their celebration; they’re choosing not to have one.  Don’t worry about it.

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