Post # 1
So my boyfriend and I have several “when will you propose already” type discussions within in the past few months. Some were instigated by me. Others were instigated by him when he was concerned that my lack of excitement/belief in an actual proposal was waning because I do not do well at “relationship games.” (Making me wait after he already told me several times he wants to marry me is a game… and I was/am so through with playing it.) Anyways, I digress…
Our last major “the proposal is coming” conversation took place mid-December (sort of instigated by him when he realized I couldn’t be as excited as he was at looking at venues online because I wasn’t excited that it couldn’t be “real” for me). To make a long story short, we ended the conversation by he proposing (no pun intended) a way to make this wait feel like less of a game for me. He realized it was unfair of him to enjoy taking control over an action that will change both of our lives forever.
We decided that he would provide me with a more realistic timeframe (he said he would propose within 3 months– in enough time for me to round up my girlfriends for running of the brides in March!), that we could browse rings online (he already knows what I like but thought it would be fun), and we would work on our potential guestlist.
The really exciting bit about this conversation (which made it more real and very different from other similar conversations) is that within a week, my boyfriend had emailed both his brothers for recommendations on picking out a ring (one is married, the other is engaged) AND talked to him mom and sister about how he plans to propose soon. (I didn’t go snooping… my bf realized keeping me in the loop is helpful because the suspense kills me!) Anyhoo, Ex-cit-ing!
So, of course, I wanted the scoop on his family’s reactions to his plans. Everyone responded favorably… however, one sibling suggested that he wouldn’t be right for my boyfriend to propose to me during his brother’s engagement because it would steal their thunder. Whose wedding would they tallk about at the dinner table when we’re all together? She also thought we shouldn’t get married until close to a year later… it’s just the right thing to do.
My bf didn’t tell her that we’ve already discussed that we wanted to get married toward the end of 2011/early 2012 (his brother got engaged fall 2010 and is getting married in late summer 2011). He said that her remarks didn’t phase him… our plans are still our plans…
But what say you fellow bees? Think if my bf and I got engaged within the next 2 months and married later this year (within months of his brother’s wedding) that we’d steal their thunder? Am I being selfish by wanting to stick to the “plan”?
Post # 3
I think this chick is being unreasonable and silly.
Post # 4
First off, I love your title. Made me click on this thread.
Second, who cares? As has been stated more times than can be counted, you only get ONE day. For example, when my husband proposed, his older brother proposed within a month, AND since EVERYTHING is a competition to his older brother, they squeezed in their wedding before ours too (she also shoved it in a week before the day her younger brother was supposed to get married). And yes, it did steal our thunder. As in, our wedding didn’t matter until their’s was over because their’s came first. But did we both still have beautiful weddings and end up with the person we love most? Yes. So I say, ha! They can’t control your life!! 🙂
Post # 5
Not at all. Honestly I think its a little different if two sisters get married close together but there is no reason your BF and his brother can’t have overlapping engagements. I got engaged 7 months after my brother and got married 5 months after him. It really wasn’t an issue at all. As long as the weddings aren’t so close together that it’s inconvenient for family members to attend both then it’s no problem.
Post # 6
She’s being ridiculous. The “stealing thunder” thing totally kills me. You get a DAY. Not a week, not a month, certainly not a YEAR. A day. Waiting a year after brother gets married to get married? That’s absolutely absurd.
Post # 7
People don’t get an engagement year, they get a wedding day. Other couples are allowed to get engaged while they are engaged. I never understood this idea that everyone else should put their life on hold just because someone else is getting married. Just ignore her.
Post # 8
Are you going to do the running of the brides in Boston? Haha I so want to.
I got engaged a couple months after my younger brother. They do not even have an idea of a date yet so I will most likely get married first. No one cares either way ( I mean like no ones feelings were hurt)
Post # 9
I always say you get a day! Not a year, or even a month! My best friend got married 2 weeks before me and my roommate 3 weeks after me! We had 7 weddings in one year besides our own! Get married when you want to! I would say give them at least a week buffer so that they can be back from their honeymoon to attend your wedding!
Post # 10
One note of caution however- having two children getting married close together can be expensive for all family members, so give some consideration to that.
Post # 11
Ugh gross, on her part. It’s ONE DAY. ONE. NOT A YEAR. But, on another note, sounds like you’re going to marry a wonderful man. Look at rings just for fun? Create potential guest list? Uhh awesome.
Post # 12
I was in the same boat! My SO’s brother JUST got married on (like a week ago) and we were supposed to be engaged by the end of 2010….and then 3 days before the year was up i cracked and said something to him about it and he said basically that he couldnt do that to his brother bc they were getting married too close to when we had discussed and he thought it wouldnt be very nice of him. SOOOO now they are married and Im still waiting, for who knows how long. I can understand not doing it right before they get married….but not at all would be too much! Its your life and you shouldnt put it on hold bc they got engaged first. I say go for it!!
Post # 13
So what, these people don’t know anyone else who are getting married? Ridiculous. The timing of your whole relationship doesn’t depend on anyone but you!
When one of my BF’s friends got engaged, he said, “Well now I have to wait at least 2 weeks until I propose to you because I don’t want to steal their thunder.” I was all, “Guh?!” (Of course that was TWO MONTHS ago, and when I asked him about it again he said, “Just kidding.”) But whatever. Just don’t get married on their wedding day… now that would be bad. Unless of course you want a Jan and Marsha Brady-type double wedding. 🙂
Post # 14
I don’t think you’d be stealing their thunder by getting married a few months after them. You’re happy, in love, and ready for marriage, and so is his brother, so this is a good thing! The four of you can get together and talk about wedding stuff 🙂
Post # 15
@Ms.Aum: PP are right, you get an egagement day and a wedding day, not a month or years. So you guys should go ahead with your plans.
That being said though, I do have to say that i am on the other side. I got engaged in October and my sister got engaged that December, and i was completley forgotten….dinner table discussions were about her wedding, (she chose to do it in our parents hometown so they were more involved) It hurt alot and iI am still not over it (and my wedding was almost six months ago and she ended up leaving her fiance!) That being said I do just want you to take into consideration that youonly get to plan a wedding once. I dont think his sister was AWFUL or anything like that, I dont think she was being gross or disrespectful..i just thinkg she was being honest.
I think you should go ahead with your plans…but just tread lighlty i suppose?
Post # 16
@Baileyh: LOL, yeh, I don’t know if you could tell or not, but I’m still a little bitter that we only got two months of my wedding being important too. But like you also said, thats life. 🙂