- 10 years ago
If you’ve ever watched the show Friends and recall where Rachel stole Monica’s engagement/wedding thunder this is the idea behind my post. It is a bit lengthy due to the story that unfolds…
My FI once told me, "…girls grow up and dream about their wedding day being the most magical day of their life." And I insert here that it makes them insane beings during that time too!
Someone steal my thunder. *wipes away tear* This past year I lost a friendship over this very idea. Miss V and I were close friends and she knew that Mr. and I were getting ready to wed in 2007 with a late Spring 2006 engagement. Over the 2006 winter holiday she and an old flame hooked up and started to see each other. Our conversations started to naturally revolve around this re-newed love interest. It very quickly started to center on how much he was making, the incredible house he was building, the salary bonuses he was going to get, the huge diamond she wanted as an engagement ring and on and on. I started to feel really sorry for myself and insecure about where my finances would come from for my wedding knowing that Mr. and I are students with loans and virtually no finances/savings. I decided that I would avoid her for a week to let her finish talking about this to everyone she knew, and eventually she would tire of it. I was not raised to speak about money this way and I thought it was rather tacky and low class. I eventually had a heart to heart talk to her about it and said it makes me feel bad about my own situation when she goes off about how "set" everything could be for her life if all she said was "yes" to this man. She gave me comfort and said she would not be getting married soon and it really "wasn’t so set and perfect." I thought she understood but things did not change. The same stats would come effortlessly out of her mouth into our convo.
One day in early Spring as I was studying with another friend, he announced to me that she was getting engaged soon. This is after three months of "reuniting" with her old flame. *wipes more tears* After Easter weekend Miss V came back to school with a ginormous engagement ring on her hand. She said nothing to me before during or after and we have not talked ever since.
I have pored my heart, my tears, and my thoughts into what happened. I have criticized my self and self reflected on where I went wrong, where she went wrong and if I could get over it. I don’t claim wedding days or years but it eventually boiled down to respect. If she cared and respected my feelings she would have said something to me and then went ahead and gone on with her plans and that I would have accepted. We would still be friends because I am understanding and compromising. But I feel that she did neither of these things after our talk that day. I don’t know if she did get married, or where things are now in her life. I’ve left a lot of things out of this story about her because I wanted to tell a discrete story and not bad mouth her. Since we have not spoken for about a year now I think it may be past me as I have my own wedding to plan but a part of me wonders if I could/should have done/felt things differently or if things are better off this way. Does anyone understand why this hurts me so much or do I need a new perspective?